Guy #1: So the entrance to my apartment is on the other side. This side is a Pilates studio. Guess who comes here all the time.
Guy #2: Who?
Guy #1: Woody Allen and his wife.
Guy #2: His wife?
Guy #1: Yeah, you know… his daughter.
–76th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Echo
Annoying tween: Oh my god, my dad made me use this, like, Salon brand shampoo. Oh my god, look at this volume! There's nothing! (two friends nod) And, guess what? It also smells like llama spit! (two friends look confused) You want to know how I know what llama spit smells like? My dad once got spat on in the face by a llama!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Lily
Doctor #1: Who are you going on vacation with?
Doctor #2: My wife and my girlfriend.
–168th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Emm
College girl on cell: He told me he got in a knife fight with his dad, and I was like (sarcastic) "Yeah, okay! You got in a knife fight with your dad." (pause) But he probably did get in a knife fight with his dad…
–Columbia University
Girl to friend: Trinity is the school for kids from Choate who stabbed their roommate.
–Clover Club
Overheard by: Emily
Girl to friend: I will cut you in your face with a knife before I put my hands on you. You feel me?
–E 161st St, The Bronx
Hamptons club girl: You mean I cut him with a razor blade and I don't even recognize him?
–Outside East Village Club
Overheard by: DJ
20-something girl, on cell: Oh my god! Who the hell gets stabbed in the back of the head at a flower shop?
–Starbucks
Guy on cell: There's a lot bruacracy in public social work…
–Eastern Parkway & New York Ave
Overheard by: jeff
Woman on phone: Her mother is a bird. Her whole family is a flock of birds. I cannot even say how ghetto she is. She said, "columinate." I said, what? You mean "a-coom-a-late?
–1 Train
Preppy on cell: What's your next class? Professional rioting?
–Fordham
Girl: This class is skewered. There are only three guys and like twenty girls. Damn!
–Brooklyn College
Overheard by: Phil
Guy to girl on train: She's just like "huh, brutha." It's like, embedded in them. They were breaded that way.
–7 Train
30-something woman on phone: Ma! Jesus, ma. I totally agree with you. (pause) Yeah, he told me to come over when the house was done. (pause) Yeah, fixed up. Jesus, ma. (groan) Yes. No! I'm not a slut. Ma!
–Jackson Heights
Overheard by: maria
Teen girl to friend: I was living with my grandmother and my girlfriend was studying social work, I was sleeping with men at this time–but I wasn't a slut or anything.
–Westside Tavern, 23rd & 8th
Girl on cell: How many guys did I sleep with? Thirty, forty?
–Pearl St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: CAC Baby from The Glebe
Father on phone with daughter: I didn't raise you to be a fucking whore. If I wanted you to be a whore you think I would've paid for your goddamn degree?
–Washington Square Park
High school freshman to friend: My Spanish teacher called me a slut!
–61st St & Amsterdam Ave
Employee #1, to customers with a baby: That is the cutest baby I have ever seen!
Employee #2: I think my boyfriend and I would have an ugly baby.
Employee #1, in front of couple: No. Ugly people usually have the cutest babies!
–Subway
Overheard by: Drew
Thin, younger sister: What's with all the magazine ads?
Slightly overweight, older sister: It's thinspiration.
Thin, younger sister: I will kill you.
–Lobby, Hampton Inn
Upper East Side girl reading book about knights: Mommy, what does our family crest look like?
Upper East Side mom: Poor people being crushed by a boot.
–Playground, E 72nd St
Overheard by: Dude under the shoe
Woman #1: Who am I kidding? I'm moving into a house I don't like in a town where I don't want to live.
Woman #2: But you're excited about it?
Woman #1: Hello? I've been living with my mother-in-law for five months.
–Home Depot
