Man: Get over here!
Woman: My father is dead!
–Union Square
Man: Get over here!
Woman: My father is dead!
–Union Square
Building fire safety supervisor, over intercom: Attention! This is your fire safety supervisor. The alarm you are hearing was accidentally triggered by a delivery person on the 18th floor. Repeat, the alarm was accidentally triggered. There is no fire. I will continue to keep you alarmed throughout the day.
–5th & 57th
Overheard by: Paul Tabachneck
MTA worker over intercom: Attention ladies and gentlemen, there is no n or r train service at this station. I repeat: no n or r train service at this station. (repeats this roughly a dozen times) You hear that? No trains. Not even half a train. No. Trains.
–59th & Lexington
Overheard by: was hoping there was a chance of a train…
Female announcer, with a little attitude: Attention people standing on the uptown local platform! Why are you standing there? No trains are stopping at that platform; they're all on the express track, like that c train stopping right now.
–34th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: going downtown, thank you
Announcer: We would like to remind all passengers that there is no smoking on MTA platforms. Especially blunts. (guy smoking blunt in station leaves)
–High Street Station
Loudspeaker: Will James please come to the courtesy desk? Your wife is lost.
–Stop 'n' Shop, Staten Island
Overheard by: Emily
Professor: Let's take a poll: who thinks I am gay?
–Lehman College
Flamboyant gay guy to butch gay guy: You, like, sneeze glitter. That's how gay you are!
–9th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: TR
Daughter to sobbing mother: Mom! Seriously, stop! I'm going to slap you. (mom continues sobbing) I'm not gay! Relax, okay?
–New Utrecht High School
Overheard by: Straight girl
Tween girl to friend: He's 17 years old and he doesn't have any kids? What? Is he gay?
–A Train
Teenage boy: Even if it's with a girl, it's still gay.
–L Train
Overheard by: Sean
40-something man: Hey! I know you! You're Victor's daughter, right?
Teenage girl: Yeah.
40-something man: Wow, look how tall you've gotten. You probably don't remember me, but I'm a friend of your dad's from way back.
Teenage girl: Oh, awesome. (smiles)
40-something man: So…how are you? Still in school?
Teenage girl: No, no, graduated and taking a year off and then studying to be a lawyer.
40-something man, shaking head: Well, be prepared for a life of celibacy.
–34th St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Sessi Li
Latina girl #1: Oh my god, I was, like, so excited for Christmas, 'cause I thought my cousin was gonna get me that ill jacket I saw at the mall but he got me… (pauses for effect)
Latina girl #2: Oh my god, whaaaat?
Latina girl #1: The Twilight series!
Latina girl #2: Oh my fucking god, are you serious?
Latina girl #1: Yeah! And I was like, “papi, I need a new bookshelf for my Twilight books, you know?
Latina girl #2: Yeahhhhh.
Latina girl #1: Yeah, so then he was like, “aight, I'm gonna get you that bookshelf.” It was sooo exciting.
Latina girl #2: Didn't you already have the first book?
Latina girl #1: Yeah, I did. But I lent it to Jean Carla, and she gave it back to me last week. Oh man, I'm so protective of it, and it got bent. I was on the train, trying to bend it back, and I was like so upset, and this lady came up to me and was like, “sweetie, you alright?” and I said, “no. I won't ever be alright.”
–N Train
Overheard by: No Longer A Twilight Fan
Female suit: Every time he answers his phone it's with his business greeting. Like, it's your wife, dude, just say hi! God, I hate him.
Gay suit: Yeah, it's like she's the only person who thinks you're important, anyway!
–5th Ave & 55th St
Overheard by: CollegiateCutie
Friend #1: So, you know his cousin? He's a strategic navigator in the Navy.
Friend #2: Yeah?
Friend #1: So, he's really good at connect four!
–Brooklyn Museum Subway Station
Dad: You are being very annoying right now, you know that?
10-year-old girl: Well, it's a good thing mom didn't have twins, huh?
–World of Disney Store
Overheard by: CollegiateCutie
Suit: If Mark didn't fall asleep and get his photo taken with lemons on his head, he might still be here.
–Elevator, Midtown
Overheard by: It got even better when they elaborated
Sweater-clad hipster guy: I probably spend more per year on strawberries and cream than on my education. It's worth it, though. I value them more than my education.
–Starbucks, Brooklyn
Teenage girl: I don't want you to tell me there's a banana somewhere in there, I want to see the banana go in there!
–Church Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Sonny
Girl to guy drinking juice: Eating mangoes makes vaginas taste better.
–Broadway & 9th St
Overheard by: Jessica
Irritated voice in choir loft, in the dark, at the end of Good Friday service: In all the excitement, I seem to have sat on my banana.
–60th St & Park Ave
Overheard by: haysoos
Man on cell: Did anybody give grandma her mango? You know that bitch flips shit if she don't get her mango!
–Central Park
Overheard by: queenofscots
Film professor: So, as you can see, ads use many different types of targets to get you to buy their stuff. What do beer ads use to make you want beer?
Student: Twins!
–NYU
Overheard by: queenofscots
