Round white lady: Once with my cousin, Ned.
Stringy-haired white lady: Well, we don't count cousins in my home town.
Round white lady: So what if your uncle is your cousin?
Stringy-haired white lady: I suppose ain't no laws in West Virginia 'gainst that, neither.
–A Train
Overheard by: Raven L.
Asian girl: He's the kind of guy who sits at home drinking beer, plotting ways to date his cousins.
Friend: Well, maybe that's acceptable where he comes from. Isn't he from another country?
Asian girl: Jersey.
–22nd & 23rd
Overheard by: jack
Old dog lady, smoking: Me, I've already been spayed.
–Dog Adoption Booth, Brooklyn
Overheard by: PrairieSquid
Old woman to another: Darling, I didn't know your husband was still alive!
–Restaurant, Upper East Side
Elderly black woman, yelling to line of cars honking their horns for Puerto Rican Day parade: Get yo punk asses back to 5th Ave!
–Grand & Graham
Elderly woman, complaining to physical therapist: I keep walkin' like I'm drunk (pause) Cause I am drunk.
–12th & University
Overheard by: tbs
Old lady, after being knocked down by man on bike: You know what… Go to hell! (giggles to herself) I haven't said that in a looong time.
–Union Square
Overheard by: letthesunshine
Teen girl to friend: So, she's banging on my door; banging and screaming and yelling…
Teen friend: Fo' real?
Teen girl: Yeah! So she's banging and screaming at me… I wanted to yell at her “Shut the fuck up!” but then I remembered that she was my mom.
–3 Train
Overheard by: Somsharp1
12-year-old boy to older brother, as they leave the theater: I liked that! I loved the ending! What'd you think!?
Older brother, shrugging: Eh, it was okay, I guess.
12-year-old boy: No! It was great! I was really rooting for the wicked witch!
Older brother: Dude, you're so queer.
–Wicked Theatre
Fat naked guy on cell in NYSC locker room: I'm just leaving the bank now.
–New York Sports Club
Girl on cell: Hello? Oh, hi mom. Yeah, yeah, it's really early here. Yeah, it's about two in the morning. Yeah, the Eiffel tower was beautiful. Yeah, right to the top. And then we had crepes, yeah.
–Columbia University
Guy at urinal: I'm walking toward baggage claim, where are you?
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: Next urinal
Tweenybopper on phone: Hey, Xander? We're at my house. My mom says you and Corey can't come over. Sorry!
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Grumpy old man, walking alone, on cell: I can't! I've got my grandson with me!
(pause) Bitch, why would I lie to you? (pause) Okay, love you too.
–Harlem
Professor: My name is John, but some people call me Godzilla!
–Baruch College
Overheard by: Nas T. Pezz
Middle school student to friend: Nike was probably invented by a guy named like Nathaniel Ike. Get it? N. Ike.
–Marymount School
White woman on cell: So do I call you Wayne? Weezy? Lil?
–Broadway & Lafayette
Overheard by: kdice
Thug to another: What?! Upstate?! Nigga, no no no! Hell no! I ain't trustin no nigga named Chad. Who the fuck names a nigga Chad?
–F Train
Man on cell: Aw, come on! You shittin' me. Ain't no muthafucka named "gay-org!"
–5th Ave & 23rd St
Overheard by: manhattman
Teen girl on cell: My name is "princess," not "yo!"
–B61 Bus, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Tastypaper
Conductor: This is Carrol Street, named after my ex-wife, Carrol Garden. She was great.
–F Train
Three-year-old boy: Mommy, I want a little brother, let's get one.
Mom: You can't just go to the store to get a baby.
Seven-year-old girl: I know where babies come from.
Mom: Oh, man!
Three-year-old boy: From where?
Seven-year-old girl: God. God made everything, people and animals.
Three-year-old boy: Who's god?
Seven-year-old girl: I don't know, some dead guy who lives in heaven.
–Riverbank State Park
Overheard by: Darin
Middle aged Latina to Latino boy, eating: Happy birthday! Look at you, surrounded by all these women on your birthday. You are going to be so nice when you grow up. You have five sisters. All the men in your family are grown up, and you got stuck with all the girls. So you're going to be so nice to girls when you get older. Right?
(boy is silent)
Middle aged Latina: Right?
(boy is silent)
Middle aged Latina: You're going to be nice girls when when you grow up, right?
Latino boy: Yeah, sure! Whatever!
–McDonald's
Overheard by: Didn't quite turn out that way
Guy, apropos of nothing: You know, if I were ever in one of those contests where there's a stray dog and two families and you have to figure out which family he loves the most, I would totally keep some Snausages in my pocket or something.
(long pause)
Chick he's with: You are a strange little man. A strange little man.
–Uptown Q Train
Overheard by: Ladle
