Wednesday One-Liners May Not Be Suitable for All Audiences

Ex-girlfriend about ex-boyfriend: I mean, he’s not exactly the kind of person to say: "I hear there’s a really great documentary about genocide playing at the film forum."

–Café near NYU

Overheard by: robin

Chick with Super-8 to random stranger: Excuse me, would you mind being the pickpocket in our silent film?

–The Montauk Club

Overheard by: torchwood lesbian

Man on phone: I wanna watch it in June so I can watch it stoned… Watching Harold and Kumar not stoned is like eating bread without butter!

–Train to Grand Central

Girl: Indiana Jones is what type of movie? Is it a life movie?

–43rd Street and 8th Ave

Overheard by: Ferris

Girl to friend: Did you get it? There were like a lot of metaphors in that movie, like label versus no label.

–Chelsea Clearview Cinema, after Midnight Showing of the Sex & The City Movie

Girl to boyfriend: If I don’t like movies about belts, am I going to like this movie?

–Smith & Wyckoff, Brooklyn

Posted on July 16, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Film, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Grand Central, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Offers and requests, On Cell, Park Slope, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Trains Not Subway, Weed

Wednesday One-Liners Totally Moved There Before It Was Cool

Bearded guy to female friend: I went to Williamsburg and was like: "Who *are* all these people that look just like me?

–Café Pick Me Up, 9th & Ave A

Overheard by: Doibles

Young hipster: I only date girls from the Lower East Side or Williamsburg.

–9th St & Ave A

Overheard by: bildita

NYU girl to friend: Berlin is like, the new, like… Williamsburg.

–4th Ave & 12th St

Overheard by: john.ainley

Young girl: I’m Middle Eastern, and I swear to god if I see another honky wearing a keffiyeh I’m going to commit fucking Jihad on Williamsburg.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Visitor, looking around in bewilderment: Why is everyone trying to look like they’re poor?

–Bagel Shop, Williamsburg

Overheard by: NCT

Posted on July 16, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Delis, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Hipsters, Islam, Money & Class, NYC Geography, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Terrorism, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Williamsburg

Bone Wednesday-One-Liners-N-Harmony

Gay thug: I better be able to attend the motherfuckin’ flower show or I’m going to hit someone.

–1 Train

Thug: Man, he told us not to add more sugar but we put more sugar in that sauce. Shit was panty-droppin, son.

–Deli, 21st St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Ryn

Thug, in high-pitched voice and flailing arms, while running across the street in front of oncoming UPS truck: Aaaah! Aaaah! Aaaah!

–45th St & 8th Ave

Thug, to friend: That shit done tore my heart!

–N Train

Puerto Rican thug: Au revoir, here is my choo-choo train.

–F Train Platform

Overheard by: Garuda

Posted on July 16, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazy, Delis, Food, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Languages, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Puerto Ricans, Queer guys, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Threats, Thugs, Wishes & desires, Words

Whomever Can Best Draw This Diagram Wins Our Everlasting Respect

Girl to friend (about guy with camera behind her): His dick is digging into my back!
Guy to friend (oblivious to what girl said): My camera lens is digging into her ass!

–The Crazy Donkey, Broadhollow Road

Overheard by:

Posted on July 15, 2008
Ass, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Girls, Guys, Long Island, Penis, Theater

The Vagina Always Gets the Last Laugh

Very young girl talking to friends: I know that there are other kinds of private parts besides what I have. I’ve seen them. (a minute later, giggling) It looked like a finger coming out!
Little friend: Haha! Vagina!

–5th Ave

Posted on July 14, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Kids, Penis, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Vagina, Words

Carrie Bradshaw Sucks at Wednesday One-Liners

NYU girl to friend: I mean, I hate him and it’s making my hair fall out but I think our relationship really works.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Man to friend: She wanted to go to dinner on some kind of date shit. I wanna bring her to a bar and fuck her in the bathroom.

–G Train

Overheard by: Sarah

Fat chick to friends: I don’t know. He moved. We weren’t serious, you know? I mean how can you be serious with a man who wanted to move to an Indian reservation? (friends nod in approval) I mean why would you want to move to an Indian reservation anyway? It’s like the projects… but in camp.

–Casa Mono

Overheard by: foodie

Girl on cell: Oh, so you really like this one. (pause) That’s cool, where did he take you? (pause) Wow, he must be balling! That place is mad expensive, yo. (pause) What did you say his name was again? (pause, then hysterical laughing) Girl, I can’t take anyone named Skip-to-my-Lou seriously!

–32nd St & 5th Ave

Boyfriend to girlfriend: Well, if I get sick of you I’ll just find someone else!

–Movie Theater, 32nd & 8th

Overheard by: Happy I’m not his girlfriend.

Guy on train: Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention? Sorry for bothering you, but I’ve been single for a year, and that shit’s not popping… So, any donations of phone numbers, e-mail addresses, or MySpace pages would be greatly appreciated. Thank you and may god bless.

–C Train

Overheard by: gretchen

Posted on July 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hair, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Students, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liner Are Better Than “Teen Spirit”

Lively black man: My sense of smell is back. I can smell pussy again!

–LIRR

Overheard by: meg

Black girl on cell: …you know it smells like straight bootymeat!

–Times Square

Overheard by: patrick

Obese black woman wearing skin-tight World’s #1 Dad t-shirt: This train smells like urine.

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: World’s #2 Dad

Guy on cell: Baby, all I’m saying is when you came home last night, you smelled like another dude!

–107th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: HuntingSnark

Woman to male friend: I’ll just have to call you "anus breath" from now on.

–Jewish Theological Seminary, 122nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Sticking to mouthwash from now on

Woman: I smell dick. (licks her hand, sniffs it) Sho ’nuff!

–R Train

Posted on July 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Happiness, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Men, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, Pee, Public Transportation, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Weirdness, Women

Few Rockettes Look Like Steve Buscemi

Middle-aged male: I knew a Rockette once -not on a real personal basis, but we knew each other.
Friend: Oh, really?
Middle-aged male: Yeah… Well anyway, she got hit by a bus. She’s doin’ alright now but I mean, she’s not a Rockette anymore.

–Outside Radio City Music Hall

Overheard by: alicia rose