Chicks with Wednesday One-Liners!

Chick on cell: In the past three weeks, I've been to more tranny-hosted parties than non-tranny hosted parties.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Mini-Asian teen: Well he's not a real man in the sense that he has a penis, or like, male reproductive organs.

–6 Train

Loud woman: I can't tell whether he's a lesbian or just gay.

–Bamboo 52

Overheard by: Aidan

Angry man: Suck my pussy dick!

–Canal St

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Black woman to group of friends, after watching an attractive black man walk by: Mmmmm, he so fine! I wanna stick my dick up that ass!

–Duane Reade

Bum on subway: (singing) when I go into space, I'ma take a stripper wit' me!
(woman puts a dollar bill in his cup)
Bum: I'ma take a trannie too, but the trannie cost extra!
(man puts a dollar in his cup)
Bum: La dee da!

–L Train from Williamsburg

Posted on July 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Black People, Celebrations/Parties, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Duane Reade, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Homeless, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Sexuality, Soho, Store, Teens, Trannies, Vagina, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Pull a Winona

Teenage hipster to friend: Oh look, it's the Hannah Montana lip gloss I stole from a little kid!

–Uptown F Train

Overheard by: Joy

Big thug: Hey man, I'm not gonna even lie: selling candy on the train keeps me from robbing and stealing from most of ya on the train today… Hook a nigga up!

–2 Train

Overheard by: Cashiem Evans (da mad blogger)

Schoolgirl dressing down another: You took the whole backpack? Why didn't you just take what you needed to steal and leave the bag there?

–DeKalb & Clermont, Clinton Hill

Overheard by: Morning Glory

Lady on cell: So you know what happened? He stole my deodorant, and you know what was under it? My hundred dollars!

–Metro-North, 125th St Station

Overheard by: That must be some expensive deodorant

Woman yelling into cell: Don't rob them, they're Danish!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Tina

Posted on July 30, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Teens, Thievery, Thugs, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness, Women

25% Of All New Yorkers Have Wednesday One-Liners

Thug on cell: Wait, so you said you needed something for herpes? (pause) I said, you need something for your herpes? (pause) Well, I smoked a little before I came over here…

–Harlem Rite Aid

Man: Your wife! Your wife! Richard Dawkins is gonna get herpes from your wife!

–French Roast, 86th & Broadway

Overheard by: zdog

Girl on cell wearing a Puerto Rican flag bandana: I dunno, I mean, I just can't keep doing this. I don't want to get herpes again.

–Bleecker & Mercer

Overheard by: JLief

Girl on subway to friend: I've never looked at you and thought you looked like you had herpes.

–E Train

Mother to tween daughter, ecstatically hugging friend: Remember, girls: No sharing saliva. That's how you get herpes and ruin your summer.

–3rd & 92nd

Overheard by: rebecca

Posted on July 30, 2008
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Latinos, Men, Moms, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, STDs, Store, The Village, Thugs, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires

I’ve Moonwalked on Water

Driver: So if I had to choose an age to die, I’d choose 24.
Van mate: Oh, you’d one-up Jesus.
Driver: Man, I’ve been one-upping Jesus my whole life. That’s all I do.

–West Side Highway

Posted on July 28, 2008
Age/Aging, Conductors, Death, Default, Friends, Jesus

Wednesday One-Liners Pretend They’ve Read Kerouac

Hipster chick: It costs like $280 to go blonde, which seems expensive but it’s totally worth it because then you’re blonde.

–Hop Scotch

Overheard by: bildita

Hipster: My brother entitled all of his college essays "Heeeey Essaaaaay!"

–Smith Street & President

Overheard by: Michelle C.

(drunk or ill hipster guy lying on stairs moans pitifully and vomits)
Hipster’s friend, looking away and pretending not to know him: Ha! Fag!

–7th Ave

Young hipster: Let’s face it, at some point I’m gonna be homeless.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Conti

Hipster girl: Pickles are so in right now.

–Renegade Arts Festival, Williamsburg

Posted on July 23, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Education, Food, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Hair, Hipsters, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Union Square and East Village, Williamsburg, Words

The Tao Of Wednesday One-Liners

Subway rider to Japanese tourist: You guys need to stick up for yourselves, man. You know what I’d say if I was from Japan? I’d say: "I am yokozuna, muthafucka!"

–E Train, 42nd St

Male customer to clerk, after computer system goes down: I guess you have some little Chinese guy in the back working on the problem.

–Brooklyn DMV

40something woman walking dogs to friend: You know, these dogs are half Chinese. With all these things going on in China, they get very upset! (friend gives skeptical look) I’m serious!

–Upper West Side

Crazy lady, to no one in particular: All Carpenter songs are actually Korean national anthems. If a Korean is bludgeoning you, just sing a national anthem and they will stop. If a Korean is bludgeoning you, just sing a national anthem and they will stop. It’s the Koreans who do most of the bludgeoning, and that’s what upsets me.

–99 Cent Pizza, 41st & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Michael O’Connor

Worker, sounding pleasantly surprised: Oh, Asians! Damn! Asians!

–Canal Street and Centre Street, Chinatown

Posted on July 23, 2008
Advice, Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chinatown, Coworkers, Crazies, Crazy, Customers, Friends, Global Geography, Insults, Languages, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, On the Subway, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, We Love Our Pets, Women

Mmm…Marriage…

Art teacher: This piece is from the enlightenment period in England and is called “Marriage a la Mode”.
Kid to friend: Wait… Marriage with ice cream?

–Bronx Science Art History Class

Overheard by: One with whipped cream please

Posted on July 21, 2008
Books & Writing, Bronx Science, Classroom, Default, Food, Friends, History & Geography, Questions, Students, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Words

When I Try It, I Come Away with Cold Sores and Shame

Tween girl to friends: Did you know kissing is good for your health?
Cashier lady: Kissing *who*?

–Loehmann’s Upper West Side

Posted on July 21, 2008
Cashiers, Default, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Questions, Store, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

She’s One of My Best Facebook Friends

Trendy girl #1: I mean, Michelle’s one of my best friends…
Trendy girl #2: Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask you, did Michelle and Kyle break up?
Trendy girl #1: I think so. According to Facebook.

–A Train

Posted on July 20, 2008
Breaking Up, Default, Facebook, Friends, Friendship, Girls, Gossip, Questions, Weirdness

The Sane Are Held to a Higher Standard

(hip girl yells in excitement)
Old woman on street: Grow up!
Hip girl to friend: God! Homeless people spend all day screaming on the street and no one tells them too grow up.
Hip friend: Yeah, it’s not your fault that your dad’s a republican.

–School of Visual Arts

Overheard by: dobby

Posted on July 19, 2008
Age/Aging, College, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Homeless, Manhattan, Offers and requests, Old People, Parents, Politics, Women