Wednesday One-Liners Are Getting Warmer… Warmer…

Brooklyn guy to buddy: Man, that chick is the hottest chick in the whole world. Well, except one — Ariel. Ohhh, Ariel. You know, the little mermaid?

–31st St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Will

Guy: Man, if a girl is hot enough that you want get with her, and she’s single… You know she’s gotta be fucked up in the head.

–C train

Girl on cell: Oh, yeah, he was so hot. I made eye contact with him, like, two times, so I guess we’re basically dating now.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Audrey Monaco

Trendy teen: Down Syndrome is so hot right now!

–Tompkins Square Park

Woman on cell: But how hot can a cactus get?

–Bed, Bath & Beyond

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy: You only think she’s hot because her family has money.

–26th St & 8th Ave

Posted on January 3, 2015
Beauty, Dating, Friends, Money & Class, On Cell, Retards & Handicaps, Teens

To Be Fair, a Lot Of Us Would Like to Forget About Connecticut

Skinny white girl: Okay, so you know how they're always saying “the Tri-State area”?
Hispanic friend: Yeah.
Skinny white girl: They mean New York, New Jersey, and Atlantic City right?
Hispanic friend: I think so…

–Nail Salon, Kew Gardens

Posted on January 3, 2015
Friends, Girls, Latinos, Names, NYC Geography, Queens, Questions, Skinny People, White People

Wednesday One-Minors

Two-year-old, pointing to Citibank: That's my bank!

–7th Ave & President St, Park Slope

Overheard by: But who's your insurance carrier?

Nine-year old boy on cell: Well, you know what? Fuck you! I'm going home! (slams cell shut and begins strutting across parking lot)

–Parking Lot, Staten Island Mall

Overheard by: WTF????

Ten-year-old girl in bathing suit to seven-year-old girl: Stop touching my ass. Whore!

–Park, Astoria

Little girl to group of little girls: Raise your hand if you're allergic to penicillin!

–R Train

Overheard by: cole

Little girl to friends, pointing at platform: That's where hobos live!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Three-year-old boy, eating hamburger: Cock cock cock cock!

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Alexis from Texas

Kid in cart at end of dairy aisle as man he came in with goes down aisle: Ssomeone's gonna take me! Someone's take me!

–Stop & Shop, Kingsbridge, Bronx

Overheard by: Krisztina

Posted on January 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Astoria, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Health and Hygiene, Home, Sweet Home, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Malls, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Parks, Penis, Staten Island, Street, Stupidity, The Bronx, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

…We'll Be Late for the Porcelain Doll Convention!

Slavic guy to metro friend getting manicure: Hey, pay for mine too.
Metro friend: You want to get one?
Slavic guy, laughing and walking out: No!

–Fashion Nails, 13th & Ave A

Overheard by: erkala

Posted on January 1, 2015
Alphabet City, Fashion, Friends, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Laughter, Money & Class

Those SOBs Probably Had It Coming

Guy #1: Well, you know, I am a Mets fan.
Guy #2: Dude, then you’re okay in my book. You could murder puppies and that’s okay so long as you’re a Mets fan!
Guy #3: Um, he does.
Guy #2: Exactly! You can totally murder puppies if you’re a Mets fan!
Guy #3: No, he really does.
Guy #2: Totally!
Guy #3: He’s a vet.
Guy #1: I am.

–Party, 74th & 1st

Posted on December 31, 2014
Friends, Jobs & Careers, Man's Best Friend, Mets, Upper East Side

…Or at Least Strippers Dressed As Cops.

Teenage boy to friend: So when I was walking by the store I saw this guy being dragged out in handcuffs.
Friend: Shit, why didn't you call the cops or something?

–Park Slope

Overheard by: areyouserious?

Posted on December 30, 2014
Cops, Crime and Punishment, Friends, Park Slope, Questions, Stupidity, Teens

Especially with Your Hand in My Pants

Ice queen: She a ho. She be, like, talkin’ to mad guys and whatever, and she had sex with all six of those brothers.
Sensible girl, after long pause: Who are you to be calling anyone a ho?

–A train, Jay St

Posted on December 29, 2014
Friends, Insults, On the Subway

If You Feed Her Comment into a Robot It Will Explode

Guy: Oh look, they have buffalo burgers! I love buffalo burgers.
Girl: It’s just chicken.
Guy: No, not Buffalo style. It just says buffalo.
Girl: Didn’t you see that episode of Nick & Jessica? She made the same mistake. It’s just chicken. There are no more buffalo anymore, they’re extinct.

–Evergreen, West 47th Street

Posted on December 29, 2014
Animals & Nature, Food, Friends, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity

And That’s How I Came Up with the Lyrics to A Moveable Feast

Guy #1: So, I was at this thing last night playing guitar or whatever, and my friend Ashley* is eating out this fat guy’s asshole…
Guy #2: What?!
Guy #1: Yeah, seriously.

–Dorm elevator, Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: OnlyinNY

Posted on December 28, 2014
Fordham, Friends, Rimming

…She Probably Won't Even Remember the Plastic Surgery

Asian chick: She has, like, an Asian face on a Brazilian body.
Friend: Ew!
Asian chick: Yeah, I know. Weird. But she's only nine, so…

–Broadway & W 38th

Overheard by: English bloke

Posted on December 27, 2014
Age/Aging, Asians, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Girls, Physical appearance

Friends