Chick: Last night’s blind date was so boring.
Guy: Oh, yeah?
Chick: I was so bored I got drunk, but my hair caught on fire from the candle on the table.
Guy: Oh my god!
Chick: I didn’t know my hair was ablaze when he threw water on me, and I was like, ‘What the fuck are you doing?!’
–D train
Guy: You could try working out.
Girl: I do work out.
Guy: Are you going to take that hip-hop class?
Girl: No.
Guy: I think I’m going to take that hip-hop class just so I can serve you. I’m going to go down there and serve you.
–3rd Avenue & 11th Street
Girl in stall: Oh, shit, I dropped my phone in the toilet!
The phone rings.
Girl in stall: And how the hell am I supposed to answer that now?!
–2nd Ave Deli bathroom
Overheard by: Rue Silver
HS boy to two friends: Dude, you’d be surprised how many vegetarians are into meaty chicks.
–E train
Man eating salad: Vegetarians should be evolutionarily punished.
–Small diner, Chinatown
Girl to friend: Hey, do you think that the reason he doesn’t like oral sex is because he’s vegan? [Friend is silent.] Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s it.
–112th, between Broadway & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Gigi
Cougar dining with pals: I’m an animal-lover, so I’m going to get the fish.
–Rue 57, 57th & 6th
Crazy woman: Vegetarians have better sex!
–F/V train stop, Houston & 1st Ave
Overheard by: So, no hot beef injection?
Woman handing out leaflets for veganism: Come on, come on! Vegans have better sex! No, really — try me!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: What is she trying to sell here?
Girl #1: I wish the bus would come.
Girl #2: I wish I was a girl.
–Madison Ave
Trench coat guy on cell: Are they arresting you?
–72nd & West End
Overheard by: orlum
Woman rushing inside: Oh my god! I was almost an eyewitness to something!
–Viacom building, 44th & Broadway
Overheard by: bonster
Man on cell: I’m sorry to bother you, but I really don’t wanna go to jail…
–S 2nd & Bedford Ave
Overheard by: Are All Criminals So Polite?
Guy: That’s so true! He’ll willingly go to jail just for the free sex!
–Union Square Park
Chick toting a baby: Yeah, but I ain’t qualify fo’ that ’cause of all them felonies I got.
–Ridgewood, Queens
Overheard by: Grytsayo
Ghetto dude on phone: Do you know what I could do with that money? I could get a new pair of pants… or maybe get my hair done.
–Broadway & 86th St
Girl to another: I had this teacher in high school who wore the tightest pants. Camel toe all the time.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Giancarlo
Annoying sober 20-something, returning from bathroom: God! I'm so sweaty, it made it really hard to pull my pants down.
–Diner, 3rd Ave
Teenage girl to another: He came here to do a concert. He probably doesn't want to hear you scream, "Take your pants off!"
–Battery Park
Overexcited teenage girl, picking up a copy of Alice Sebold's Lucky: Oh my god. Do not read this book. It will make you want to kill yourself, and the author.
Bored teenage boy: Really? I'm not that… depressed or anything.
Overexcited teenage girl: Neither was I!
–Columbia University Bookstore
Overheard by: amused bookseller
Girl, looking at friend's cell phone: What is that?
Friend: A baby!
Girl: Oh, I thought it was chicken. It looks like a barbecued chicken.
–4 Train
Ghetto-fabulous girl standing at crosswalk while cars whiz by: Why ain't we crossin'?
(friend points to cars)
Girl: Oh.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: erkala
