Female: Stop calling me “dude,” I'm a “dudette”! I haven't got cojones.
Male: You never let me look.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: bonobobill
Female: Stop calling me “dude,” I'm a “dudette”! I haven't got cojones.
Male: You never let me look.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: bonobobill
Girl #1: … And his little brother, who was like 0.6 years old…
Girl #2: Wait. 0.6 years?
Girl #1: Yeah, you know, like half a year.
Girl #2: God, you are so idiotic!
–Statue of Liberty
Weird hobo: Ladies and gentleman, I am a disabled Vietnam vet. I'm asking help from all of you so I don't wind up on the streets. While in Vietnam, I was exposed to Agent Orange, which caused me my disability–I became a vegetarian.
–Downtown 3 Train
Overheard by: An Amused Former Vegetarian
Aging hippie to woman spouting PETA propaganda: I've been a vegan for 30 years. You're embarrassing me. Why do you do that?
–F Train
Overheard by: AeC
Guy: Yo, I'm vegetarian now, I don't eat no meat, but man I love that chicken. That chicken just keeps comin' back to me!
–Manna's
Overheard by: eatinginharlem
Crazy-looking woman on bench: Oh my gosh, I was totally a vegetarian yesterday. Like literally, I ate no meat.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Meat Eater
Clueless 20-something female: Do you have another menu? I'm a vegan.
–Brother Jimmy's BBQ, 31st St
Chick #1: Wow, you’re really good at that!
Chick #2: Eh, I think the trick is to start young.
Chick #3, looking worried: Handjobs?
Chick #2: Uh… No. Using chopsticks.
–New Big Wong Restaurant
Guy on cell: Guitars… guitarists, guitarists… drummers, yeah, any musicians… Girls, yeah! Girls!
–Prospect Heights
Suave European guy: I am playing the piano and the flute. At the same time. It’s a metaphor.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Librarianish-looking woman: He asked me if I wanted to blow his tuba, and I said, "sure!". It was amazingly harder than I thought it would be. And, he’s bringing his organ tomorrow so I can play with it.
–Battery Park Starbucks
30-something woman: My consultant was telling me I should try not to sound elitist. But that’s really hard for me. I mean, I have two master’s degrees and I play the violin.
–14th St & 1st Ave
Bodybuilder on cell: I’m thinking a harpsichord, a wig, and a whole lotta talcum powder.
–Chinatown Bus
Blonde high school girl: Grinding is as practical as playing the harpsichord was for Jane Austen.
–Upper East Side
Girl #1: What do you want to do now?
Girl #2: I don't know, what do you think we should do?
Girl #1: Let's drink beer!
Girl #2: Okay!
–Brewtopia, Pier 92
Overheard by: its that or clean the port-o-pottys
Guy: How were things with your ex last night?
Girl: You know… He threw up and started crying, so I gave him a hug. He got an erection, threw up two more times and passed out.
Guy: So, same old same old.
–E 51st, b/w 1st & 2nd
Girl #1, getting off the Newark express bus: It's so good to be home.
Girl #2, after walking away from crowd: Stop pretending that you live here!
Girl #1: But it's fun!
–41st & Broadway
Overheard by: really does live here
Hobo to girl who just gave him a two-dollar bill: Would you look at that, two dollars! Thomas Jefferson is on this bill. He was a queen. That's right, he was a gay old faggot.
(girl walks away very quickly) Do you want to help me and Thomas Jefferson go to Hawaii? That's right! Hawai-iiiiiii!
–13th & 6th
