Asian queer, looking over his shoulder: I think I jerked him off.
Italian queer: Who?
Asian queer: That guy in the green shirt… It’s pretty bad when you can’t keep track of all the people you’ve jerked off.
–Union Square
Asian queer, looking over his shoulder: I think I jerked him off.
Italian queer: Who?
Asian queer: That guy in the green shirt… It’s pretty bad when you can’t keep track of all the people you’ve jerked off.
–Union Square
Suit during presentation: We are a global company with a tremendous reach-around.
–810 7th Ave
Overheard by: Jatmos
Barista gesturing to fridge: Hey! Milk me!
–Coffee shop
Professor: It’s hard to sit there for two hours without a climax.
–NYU
Overheard by: woods comma elle
Teacher, on oral quizzes: … And if you can satisfy me orally, you will receive a good grade.
–The Dalton School
Overheard by: Marissa
Toddler in stroller: I… Want… Ball!
Young mother: Oh, like you’ve been good and now you deserve a ball? Are you kidding me?
–Duane Reade, 8th & Broadway
Jamaican nanny on cell: Girl, I just got back from a four day vacation. Where? My bed. We fucked nonstop for four days like dogs. I couldn’t even get out to take a shit.
Mother: Excuse me, there are children around.
Jamaican nanny: Fuck the children!
–Food Emporium, UWS
Overheard by: Dan
Miniskirt #1: I feel so swollen.
Miniskirt #2: Oh my god! Swollen!
Miniskirt #3: Swollen!
–42nd & 5th
Overheard by: Jessica
Brunette: I felt so bad for that cab driver yesterday.
Redhead: Yeah, I know! He was like, ‘I’ve been here for seven years and I haven’t done anything with my life…’
Brunette: Yeah, I know, and I’m like, ‘Me, too… But I’m rich!’
–Elizabeth & Spring
Overheard by: mark
Tourist hubby to wifey who jumped up from taking a seat: What happened?
Tourist woman, disgusted: I just saw some dirt!
–4 train
Pointing hobo: Your zipper! Hahaha!
Whitey: It’s a button fly.
Hobo: Goddamn. Second time today…
–Flushing & Portland, Navy Yard, Brooklyn
Chick: I hooked up with everyone. I even hooked up with my dealer.
Dude: Yeah, you did.
Chick: But I had to break up — he was too thuggish.
–1 train
Suit #1: So basically what you’re saying is that your misses is a whore?
Suit #2: Yeah, that’s what I’m saying.
Suit #1: And you’re okay with this?
Suit #2: I’m cool with it as long as I keep getting lots of head.
–85th & Lex
Overheard by: marisa
