Guys

Let a Smile Be Your Wednesday One-Liner

Guy on cell: How can you be happy if you're acting like such a bitch all time?

–Melrose Ave & 154th St

Puerto Rican barista, as A-Team music starts playing: The A-Team! Man, that makes me think of when I was young and still happy!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Chris K.

30-something woman: I'm going to see Transformers. Transformers! Daa naa na naaa! You have to be happy in life, everybody is dying.

–34th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Frank Molla

Girl on cell, vehemently: I'm trying brown eyeliner. I hope this makes you happy!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ashley

20-something girl: Just put some alcohol in me and I'll be happy.

–St. Mark's Place

Ben Needs No Introduction

Guy #1: We should get some Ben & Jerry's.
Guy #2: Who's Jerry?

–57th St

Overheard by: luis

The Day Andy Became a New Yorker

Woman on bike to jaywalking pedestrians: Jesus fucking Christ, get the fuck out of the road.
Guy: Fuck you, bitch! (to friends) Did I just say “fuck you, bitch” to a biker?

–Rivington & Essex

She's the Happiest Place on Earth

Passerby, shouting to guy in Mickey Mouse costume getting picture taken with little girl: Yo! I fucked your girl! (to others) I really like Minnie.

–42nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: MsPrint

In Eden, the Forbidden Fruit Smelled Exactly Like Bacon

Asian girl #1: Hey, did you guys smell that in that building back there?
Orthodox Jewish girl and guy: No, what?
Asian girl #1: It totally smelled like bacon!
Asian girl #2: Yeah! You're right, oh…
Orthodox Jewish girl and guy: Yeah… hm. So that's what bacon smells like?

–Grand Concourse

Let's Make This Train Ride Irritating for Everyone

Guy: You know, with that blue polo, you look exactly like Billy Mays. Say, “OxiClean.”
Bearded guy, yelling: Billy Mays here for OxiClean! Wait, no. (clears throat) Billy Mays here…

–E Train

Overheard by: pete

I Love a Girl Who Knows What She Wants!

Guy to passerby with Victoria's Secret bag: Hey, where is there a Victoria's Secret around here?
Passerby: A couple blocks down on 5th.
Guy to girlfriend: Come on, we're going to Victoria's Secret.
Girlfriend: Hell no, I'm not going to Victoria's Secret, I'm going to McDonald's and I'm gonna supersize it.

–23rd & 6th

Wally Had Envisioned a Year-Long Exchange Of Letters

Dude to hot female passerby: My, my, you are gorgeous!
Hot female passerby: Yeah? You should see me naked.
Dude: Whoa, whoa, whoa–you move too fast for me.

–14th St & 4th Ave

I Asked If She Had a Ride to the Abortion Clinic

Guy to friend: It turns out that she's pregnant, so I popped the question.
Friend: You asked her if she was pregnant?

–5th Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Really Need to Montauk

Asian fag to white hag: So if a natural disaster happened and Long Island had to be evacuated, we'd, like, all be screwed!

–2 Train

Overheard by: Kosi

Woman on cell: You all should come to Long Island. They're fucking civilized over there.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: Smitten Kitten

Hipster on cell, suddenly yelling: Mom, I live in New York City, not Long Island! New York City! Get a map. I live in New York City.

–Greenpoint

20-something blonde on cell: Uh… Long Island… that's on the East Side, right?

–John St & Cliff St

Overheard by: BennyP

Jersey girl to Long Island guys: Oh my god! I've never been to Long Island! I'll need rockstar directions! Oh, and I totally have camel toe!

–51st & 6th

Overheard by: Fanx 4 that

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