Wednesday One-Liners Won’t Remember This Tomorrow

Loud, shit-faced Asian girl to strangers: You want some of this? I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love sex. [falls forward, taps stranger on forehead.] herro! Anybody home?! [laughs hysterically].

–Metro North

Drunk chick: Fuck technology, first it kills the bees, now it’s killing my ovaries!

–A Train

Drunk guy: Last night I shit on my balls!

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Drunk girl to drunk boyfriend: Well, you fingered me in the cab!

–A Train

Drunk preppy businessman: Just tell her to put the oil in the noodles and rub it all over the chest…

–33rd & Broadway

Overheard by: voluptuousgrl

Drunk girl in the bathroom, picking up plastic bag from the garbage: Whose baby is this?!?!

–Madison Square Garden Bathroom

Posted on December 2, 2019
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Babies, Balls, Cars and Driving, Drunks, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Hand-Jobs, Health and Hygiene, Laughter, Madison Square Garden, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Poop, Preppies, Public Transportation, Questions, Stall Spies, Street, Suits, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Full Frontal Wednesday One-Liners

Dude to another: Yeah, but she got a yeast infection from sitting around naked on muffins all day.

–Union Square

Overheard by: chris

Artsy guy on cell: No, no, she’s not naked… But you want to see her naked!

–12th & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Flight attendant: Your pilot for the flight today is Buck Naked. Your first officer is Justin Case. That’s just in case Buck Naked decides to get buck wild.

–LaGuardia

Dude: I heard that all they do there is have sex and drink beer… And have naked snowball fights.

–41st & 7th

Posted on November 27, 2019
Artists, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Flight Attendants, Guys, Happiness, LaGuardia Airport, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, Nudity, On Cell, Sex, STDs, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

John the Apostle Only Alludes to It Cryptically

Guy: There’s a Bennigan’s here now?
Girl: Sure, New York’s getting everything: Bennigan’s, Outback, Applebee’s, Chevy’s.
Guy: Who knew the four horsemen of the apocalypse were chain restaurants?

–48th & 8th

Overheard by: Amanda

Posted on November 16, 2019
Girls, Guys, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, People, Places, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes

I Speak Mostly in Clichés and Advertising Slogans

Tattoo guy on platform: Where are all the f trains?
Conductor: The early bird catches the worm…
Tattoo guy: What?
Conductor: The early bird catches the worm…
Tattoo guy: You better start fuckin making sense, asshole.
Conductor: Sorry, I don't come from that way.

–E Train

Posted on November 8, 2019
Birds, Conductors, Directions, Guys, Insects, Insults, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions

Did You Expect to Gain More Sympathy by Using “Summer” As a Verb?

Crying hipster girl: I lost $300 on that fucking team!
Hipster guy: Wait, why are you a Patriots fan? You’re from, like, California.
Crying hipster girl: Yeah, but I summer in Vermont!

–Pop Burger, 58th & 5th

Posted on November 2, 2019
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hipsters, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Restaurants & Cafes, Sports, Travel, U.S. Geography

Wednesday One-Liners May Leave a Bad Taste in Your Mouth

Bland middle-aged woman: It's not like you're giving head in the Port Authority bathroom!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: j

English tourist: You'll go home and people will ask: "So what did you do on holiday?" You'll reply: "Oh, I gave the Empire State Building a blowjob!"

–34th St

Guy on cell: Ugh, fuck me in the ass. No… no, not you. Meanie. Why don't you just suck my dick. Suck my dick!

–34th Street

Dude on cell: It was like getting a blowjob from the inside.

–8th Ave & 53rd St

Guy on cell: Is that the guy that's been sucking your dick?

–81st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Kelley

Young guy on cell: And then I said: "I could really use a blowjob right now." She was offended!

–48th & Park

Young black man to friend: Just because she sucks my dick doesn't make her Oprah Winfrey.

–B48 Bus

Posted on October 28, 2019
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, BJs, Black People, Brits, Etiquette, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Leisure, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Tourism, Tourists, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Women

They Counted Last Year During That Scavenger Hunt

Drunk girl sitting on steps: The Hudson is better then the East River right?
Guy: What?
Drunk girl: Yeah, it definitely is… There's less dead bodies in it.

–Hudson River Boat Basin

Posted on October 27, 2019
Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Death, Default, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Hudson River, Questions, Weirdness

Keep Your Wednesday One-Liner in Your Pants, Dude

Preppy guy: This may be the last thing I say with my penis attached, but…

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Hunter

Girl on cell: Well, I mean… his penis is really important here, if his is better I'll take him!

–26th St & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: your mom

Asian guy: Everyone else was on the floor. Everyone had a penis in their face.

–D Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Girl on cell: All I'm saying is: don't jump on the first penis that comes along!

–Broadway

Boss, about weightlifting: My genitals were so inverted I used to crap my penis.

–5th Ave

Teacher: There are about six euphemisms for "penis" in the first scene!

–Junior High School

Overheard by: gabygrillz

Posted on October 26, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Body Parts, Bosses, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Fitness, Girls, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, Park Slope, Penis, Poop, Preppies, Private Parts, Promiscuity, S&M, School and studying, Street, Teachers/Professors, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

“Don't Hate Me Because I'm Wednesday One-Liner”

Hobo to female passerby (singing): Pretty woman, walking down the street/Pretty woman, eating a hamburger…

–Wendy's, Union Square

Overheard by: Hungry Bystander

Salesgirl to another: You look pretty today…for a little Filipino girl.

–American Eagle, SoHo

Overheard by: Holly

Loud hobo walking through crowded train: Lots of beautiful ladies on this train. Beautiful white ladies. Beautiful black ladies. I like her hat. (turns to one shy-looking girl) Do you wear makeup? You shouldn't. You don't need it, you are so beautiful. If you have any makeup, just throw it away. Or send it to my girl, cuz she is ugly.

–Downtown 4 Train

50-something woman to pretty 20-something girl: I just wanted you to know that our husbands over there think you are one of the most beautiful girls they have ever seen. So now our husbands are going to have sex with my friend and I tonight. They may be thinking of you during, but thanks to you I am going to have an orgasm tonight, so thank you for being so gorgeous.

–Boat Basin Cafe

Overheard by: Megan W.

Guy on iPhone: You think because you're pretty you can get away with that shit. Well, you're wrong! You can get away with that shit because you're rich!

–Duane Reade, Columbus Ave

Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/

Posted on October 22, 2019
9 to 5-ers, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Coworkers, Duane Reade, Gender issues, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Makeup, Marriage, Money & Class, Music, On Cell, On the Subway, Orgasm, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Singing, Soho, Store, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

What Is Art? Are We Art? Are Wednesday One-Liners Art?

Older gay guy on cell: In the 60s, you didn't need to have passion or talent to be an artist; you just needed to have a van, because no one else was going to haul your shitty art around.

–7th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Miss C

Girl reading sign at Frank Lloyd Wright museum: Oh… He was an architect!

–Guggenheim Museum

Overheard by: Antartic

Mom to little girl: If you look at too much art in one day, you'll turn into a statue.

–MoMA

Guy on phone: Yeah, she said she didn't think I would want to go, but why the fuck not? I'll go to a fucking museum if I fucking want to. I'll look at some paintings and shit.

–Downtown Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mark McLaughlin

12-year-old boy, looking at Picasso paintings: This is totally my thing, man, it's like free porn.

–MoMA

Posted on October 13, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Arts & Letters, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Free stuff!, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Magic, MoMA, Moms, More museums, Old People, On Cell, Parents, Porn, Queer guys, Threats, Tweens, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

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