In the 70s They Called That a 'Nose Job'.

JAP: I did the whole Manhattan/Long Island/Westchester Jew thing this year.
Guy: How’d that work out?
JAP: I think I’m going to cut that phase in my life.

–NYU

Overheard by: A. Pincus

Headline by: Still got my original nose.

Runners-Up:
· “By Which I Mean the Inside Of My Thigh” – Tadzio
· “I Realized I Can Keep the Sense Of Entitlement Without All That Extra Work.” – stoobydoo
· “I Think Hitler Tried That Already….” – Sarah Booz
· “I’ll Tell the Guy Who’s Ghost-Writing My Autobiography Later Today” – Louis
· “JAP Code for I Was Slutty and Need an Abortion” – Casual Observer
· “Sort Of a “Lifestyle Bris”” – Chris

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on April 11, 2020
Guys, Headline Contest Winners, JAPs, Judaism, NYU, Psychology, Questions

It’s All About the Facial Hair

Girl: But also Chuck Norris.
Guy: Well, that’s a given.
Girl: I know, I just like saying his name.
Guy: Gives you a little rush?
Girl: You don’t know the half of it.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Michelle

Posted on April 10, 2020
About Celebrities, Girls, Guys, The Village

Scenes from the Strike

Suit: Where are you going?
Guy: Why does it matter to you? I never got in someone else’s cab before.
Suit: How about an area: Midtown, Downtown, West Side?
Guy: Maybe if you got into a cab on a downtown avenue and not 2nd Avenue, you would have your own cab.

–Cab, 75th & 2nd

Overheard by: The front seat

Posted on April 9, 2020
Guys, Only in New York, Suits, Upper East Side

Wednesday One-Liners Feel a Lot Better Now

Guy to friends: A girl farted on my head once, and I dated her for three years.

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: MC

Woman to friend: And then he farted in my mouth.

–Ding Dong Lounge

Overheard by: Rosalind

Hobo, farting loudly, turning at girl walking behind him: That's for you, you fucking bitch!

–Yellow Line Subway Station

Overheard by: Craigalanche

Latina on cell, firmly: I'm not bi-curious, I'm just fart-curious

–49th & 5th

Overheard by: olga

Crazy hobo: Once, I was eating Cracker Jacks, you know, the one with the prize in it? When I finished the box, I farted in it, then sealed it up again. When I opened it a week later, I got the surprise of my life!

–1 Train

Overheard by: nella

Posted on April 2, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Crazies, Dating, Farting & Burping, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Street, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Time, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Don't Make Me Do Math, Okay?

Guy #1: Yeah… she's bipolar.
Guy #2: Really? I thought she was straight.

–Spring & Broadway

Overheard by: Kat

Posted on March 30, 2020
Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Psychology, Sexuality, Soho, Stupidity, Words

Wednesday One-Liners? Kinky!

300-pound girl on phone: Girl, you showed your whole booty crack? I know, he's into that kinky downtown shit.

–14th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: bastardo

Loud upstate girl: I think…doin' any kinda research inta furries? You're in trouble.

–Hudson & Houston

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Hoochie: I mean, you gonna handcuff me, then handcuff me. But, you know, when I gotta go do my shit, I gotta go.

–1st St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: stephie

Curly-haired girl on cell: I've totally got a cold too! But I've also got bondage tape. And a cell phone activated vibrator.

–Ouidad salon

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Suit to another, while having lunch on bench: You put duct tape on her mouth and you do it from behind.

–Central Park

Guy at table: You know, she's a quality girl, even when I was in handcuffs, I could tell that she was a quality girl.

–Carnegie Deli

Overheard by: Spazz

Posted on March 27, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Body Parts, Cell Phone, Central Park, Delis, Dildos and Vibrators, Fat People, Girls, Guys, Hootchies, Illness, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Questions, S&M, Soho, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Weirdness

We Can Spot Fake Wednesday One-Liners a Mile Away

Exasperated woman on phone: It's a phone interview! What does it matter what type of boobs I have?

–Office Building, 32nd & 7th

Overheard by: erkala

Girl, after guy accidentally hit her boob: Ow! You should be squeezing them, not hitting them!

–Toys R' Us, Times Square

Overheard by: Lotte

Upper West Side girl to friend: I hate that my boobs are so big! It completely ruins that skirt for me.

–Canal Street

Hobo: But I don't want to love my breasts!

–Ave B

Man on cell: So you're coming to New York? That's good. I called your mother, she said you're staying with some girl with big tits tonight.

–West 4th Street

Guy to another, while at lunch: I don't care if you think I live too fast and I'll be dead at 45. At least I'll die with a tittie in my mouth!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: sal b

Posted on March 26, 2020
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Body Parts, Bryant Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Death, Foreplay, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Height, Hobos, Men, Office, On Cell, Parents, Physical appearance, Questions, Rack, Sex, Store, Street, Stupidity, Times Square, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires, Women

So Just Enjoy It

Guy #1: I can’t tell if I’m smelling your armpit or my fart.
Guy #2: Doesn’t matter. You couldn’t move away from it either way.

–Crowded 1 train

Overheard by: goo goo doll

Posted on March 25, 2020
Guys, On the Subway, Scents of the City

And I Said, “Is This a Rhetorical Question?”

Guy on cell: So he said, ‘If you imagine yourself as a hot dog, would you eat yourself?’

–Tribeca

Overheard by: brrrrrrrrrrrrrt

Posted on March 23, 2020
Guys, Junk Food & Fast Food, On Cell, Psychology, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Guys