Wednesday One-Liners with Two Percent Body Fat

Hipster girl to another: Yeah, everyone has a crush on him, but he’s got halitosis. And a concave chest!

–MoMA

Hipster chick to friend: Whoa. I just felt totally suffocated by capitalist society.

–NYU

Hipster in rainbow moonboots: So I say to this girl as I’m roofie-ing her juice box…

–Union Square

Overheard by: eliza

Hipster chick on cell: Hello? Hey! Guess what? I found my underwear!

–1st Ave

Overheard by: Aria Grillo

Hipster: I mean, you can’t just rock a sombrero and think that it’s cool.

–6th & 10th

Overheard by: El

Hipster chick to tourist friends: … And across the street is where Albert Greenberg lived for a while.

–E 2nd St, across street from Allen Ginsberg’s former walkup

Overheard by: midtown_strangler

Hipster chick: I wanna create a website: Nine-Eleven — get over it.

–4 train

Overheard by: Hurtz donit

Posted on September 6, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Body Parts, Clothing, Eating Out, Health and Hygiene, Internet, Names, Politics, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

He’s Something Less Than Shaveworthy

Chick #1: So, are you going to have sex with him tonight?
Chick #2: Nope.
Chick #1: Why not?
Chick #2: I didn’t shave my legs.

–The Village

Overheard by: Winter Coat

Posted on August 19, 2019
Girls, Health and Hygiene, The Village

Introducing, Jessica Simpson's Next Commercial Venture

Girl #1: She's trying to wear all those low-cut shirts.
Girl #2: Yeah, with all the pimples on her chest that shit is nasty.
Girl #1: Yeah, I know, right? She needs some Proactive for her titties or something.

–B6 Bus

Posted on August 2, 2019
Clothing, Girls, Health and Hygiene, On the Bus, Physical appearance, Rack

I'm Thinking Of Starting a Band Called The Wheezin' Geezers

Old woman to old man: So, where are you going?
Old man: To the doctor.
Old woman: Nothing terribly wrong, I hope.
Old man: Nah. (pauses) I'm just having trouble breathing, is all.

–Q49 Bus, Jackson Heights

Posted on July 9, 2019
Age/Aging, Bus, Health and Hygiene, Old People, On the Bus, Queens, Questions

She Bought the DVD of The Morning After

Girl #1: I am just gonna risk it and pray I get my period.
Girl #2: Just a warning, I did that once and the consequences–I’m not gonna lie–weren’t fun but it only cost 15 dollars.

–57th & 5th

Posted on July 5, 2019
Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Teens

Somebody's Been Crying 'Wolf' for Years

Fat man: My left retina just detached.
Friend, not even looking at him: You'll be fine.

–Washington Square Park

Posted on June 15, 2019
Body Parts, Fat People, Friends, Friendship, Health and Hygiene, Washington Square Park

I Didn't Know I Was Wednesday One-Linered

Smoking man to another: I've heard being pregnant is really bad for your health.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: CS

Large black woman: An' I been tellin' him I got all these ideas for t-shirts… Like one for a pregnant lady that says "Congratulations, you're not the daddy!"

–BX12 Bus

Overheard by: shayshay

NYU boy on cell: Wait, you're pregnant? You're pregnant!? I thought you were just fat. (pause) But he said he didn't come in you, just on your face.

–Union Square

Woman to date: Let's go get pregnant!

–Santos Party House, Lafayette St

Overheard by: alisa

Posted on June 8, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Bus, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Cum, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Frat Boys, Health and Hygiene, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Smokers & Smoking, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

The Pogo Stick Made an Honest Woman Out of Her

Teen girl #1: I got a doctor’s appointment after school today. My mom saw this hickey and she’s taking me for a pregnancy test.
Teen boy: Yo, Mexican mom’s is crazy.
Teen girl #2: That sucks. If my mom ever tries to take me, I’m telling her it’s a civil rights violation.
Teen girl #1: I already got my excuse. I’m gonna say it busted when I was riding my bike.
Teen boy: No, that’s no good. Say you was jumpin’ up and down.

–7 train

Posted on May 27, 2019
Anger Management, Fashion, Health and Hygiene, Mexicans, On the Subway, Parents, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Teens

The… Dude Police?

(drunk group of 20-somethings stumble out of a bar onto the street)
Unstable random lady: Alcoholic! You need to go to Alcoholics Anonymous!
Drunk guy: Dude, just mind your own business.
Unstable random lady: Don't call me dude! I'll call the cops on you!

–W 3rd & Thompson

Posted on May 10, 2019
Advice, Cops, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Street, The Village, Threats, Women, Words

C’mon, You Know I’m on the Cocaine and Celery Diet

Girl #1: Ow! Why does it hurt in my vein right here?
Girl #2: Maybe there’s something stuck in it.
Girl #1: Stuck in it?! Like what?
Girl #2: I dunno, butter?

–Union Square

Posted on April 11, 2019
Biotechs, Body Parts, Diet/Weight, Food, Health and Hygiene, Union Square and East Village

Health and Hygiene