Guy: I said to myself ‘he’s never going to make it’, he’s a drug freak, he has three STDs. But you proved me wrong, my friend
–Columbia Journalism School Graduation Reception
Overheard by: Mooching the Free Food
Queer on cell: I had three staph infections last year — one from the gym shower and the other two from the Roxy, but we won’t go into that.
–11th St & 2nd Ave
Surly truck driver: Yeah, the test results came back positive… but I’m not going to tell her.
–W 57th
Overheard by: Greg H.
Guy #1: Do you want some of my water? I promise I don’t have cooties.
Guy #2: It’s not your cooties I’m worried about, it’s someone else’s.
Guy #1: No, I didn’t suck his dick.
–F train
Overheard by: Victor Villegas
Hipster girl to another: Yeah, everyone has a crush on him, but he’s got halitosis. And a concave chest!
–MoMA
Hipster chick to friend: Whoa. I just felt totally suffocated by capitalist society.
–NYU
Hipster in rainbow moonboots: So I say to this girl as I’m roofie-ing her juice box…
–Union Square
Overheard by: eliza
Hipster chick on cell: Hello? Hey! Guess what? I found my underwear!
–1st Ave
Overheard by: Aria Grillo
Hipster: I mean, you can’t just rock a sombrero and think that it’s cool.
–6th & 10th
Overheard by: El
Hipster chick to tourist friends: … And across the street is where Albert Greenberg lived for a while.
–E 2nd St, across street from Allen Ginsberg’s former walkup
Overheard by: midtown_strangler
Hipster chick: I wanna create a website: Nine-Eleven — get over it.
–4 train
Overheard by: Hurtz donit
Chick #1: So, are you going to have sex with him tonight?
Chick #2: Nope.
Chick #1: Why not?
Chick #2: I didn’t shave my legs.
–The Village
Overheard by: Winter Coat
Girl #1: She's trying to wear all those low-cut shirts.
Girl #2: Yeah, with all the pimples on her chest that shit is nasty.
Girl #1: Yeah, I know, right? She needs some Proactive for her titties or something.
–B6 Bus
Old woman to old man: So, where are you going?
Old man: To the doctor.
Old woman: Nothing terribly wrong, I hope.
Old man: Nah. (pauses) I'm just having trouble breathing, is all.
–Q49 Bus, Jackson Heights
Girl #1: I am just gonna risk it and pray I get my period.
Girl #2: Just a warning, I did that once and the consequences–I’m not gonna lie–weren’t fun but it only cost 15 dollars.
–57th & 5th
Fat man: My left retina just detached.
Friend, not even looking at him: You'll be fine.
–Washington Square Park
Smoking man to another: I've heard being pregnant is really bad for your health.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: CS
Large black woman: An' I been tellin' him I got all these ideas for t-shirts… Like one for a pregnant lady that says "Congratulations, you're not the daddy!"
–BX12 Bus
Overheard by: shayshay
NYU boy on cell: Wait, you're pregnant? You're pregnant!? I thought you were just fat. (pause) But he said he didn't come in you, just on your face.
–Union Square
Woman to date: Let's go get pregnant!
–Santos Party House, Lafayette St
Overheard by: alisa
Teen girl #1: I got a doctor’s appointment after school today. My mom saw this hickey and she’s taking me for a pregnancy test.
Teen boy: Yo, Mexican mom’s is crazy.
Teen girl #2: That sucks. If my mom ever tries to take me, I’m telling her it’s a civil rights violation.
Teen girl #1: I already got my excuse. I’m gonna say it busted when I was riding my bike.
Teen boy: No, that’s no good. Say you was jumpin’ up and down.
–7 train
