Customer: I love your fries, I'm so addicted.
Cashier: Have you tried anything else on our menu?
Customer: Actually, I'm allergic to chickpeas, so, no.
Cashier: Oh, man, that sucks. Our falafel is so good!
Customer: Yeah…
Cashier: Well, hey, at least you're not allergic to wheat.
Customer: Um…actually…
Cashier: Damn! How do you live like that?
–Taim , West Village
Comedy club promoter: Comedy club, comedy club. Laugh until you get violent diarrhea!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Patrick
Comedy promoter to girl walking by: Hey, you like comedy? (girl ignores him) Yeah, you the strong, silent type… I like that in a woman.
–48th & Broadway
Overheard by: MsPrint
Comedy show ticket salesman on sidewalk: Comedy show! Free vibrators! New batteries!
–Times Square
Guy promoting comedy club to couple holding hands: Hey, what are you two doing tonight? …besides each other?
–Times Square
Comedy promoter: Want to see a comedy show? We've got free marijuana downstairs.
–W 43rd St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Daniel
Doctor: You know, people pay more for a Starbucks coffee than they do to visit me for a copay. That's what important in this world.
Colleague: Maybe you should put an espresso machine in your office.
–Starbucks, 96th St & Madison Ave
Older woman: I think I should wash my secondary pair of underwear when we get home.
Older guy: I think that’s a good idea!
–69th between 3rd & 2nd
Lady: Oh, Coca-Cola! I guess you don’t have gastrointeritis!
Girl: Uh, actually I was going to use it to cook.
Checkout guy: Yeah, you can cook with Coke. You don’t have to just drink it.
–Jefferson Market, 6th Avenue
Overheard by: Nicole J
Columbia freshman #1: One time, in high school, I found a bag of peanuts that said ‘May contain peanuts.’
Columbia freshman #2: Why, are you allergic?
–Duane Reade, 111th and Broadway
Overheard by: Fudd
Asian teen #1: I know this kid whose skin is orange. It's 'cause he grew up in Chernobyl.
Asian teen #2: What's Chernobyl?
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: knows what Chernobyl is, at least
Frat boy: If you press your thumb hard in the middle of your forehead it stops your gag reflex for a minute.
Girl: Uhhh how do you know that?
Frat boy: I learned it at my frat, you can swallow a whole banana!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: JC
Janeane Garofalo: …so I just cover my whole body in Gold Bond powder.
–1st Ave. & 3rd St.
Proprietor: I heard you had a fall.
Octogenarian: Oh, yes. I had a fall. They even took me to the hospital for six hours. They tested me for everything except syphilis.
Proprietor: That's what they're supposed to test you for first.
Octogenarian: I wish I had syphilis. At least then I'd be having some fun.
–73rd & Columbus Ave
Overheard by: G
