Hipster #1: I love it when my nose starts bleeding all over the fucking place. That just makes my day.
Hipster #2: Yeah, that’s good times.
Hispter #1: I should probably quit doing coke.
Hipster #2: Yeah, probably.
–Starbucks, Delancey & Allen
Overheard by: not a hipster, I swear
Blonde white girl to another: And I was all like, "I'm not throwing the baby over the fence!"
–Spring St
Overheard by: Maria Emma
Girl to mother: Oh, look at daddy with the baby in one hand and the bottle of bourbon in the other. And in the morning, too!
–Williamsburg
Condom vendor: Obama and McCain election special condoms! 3 for $10 and 1 for $5, all cheaper than a baby!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Aalok
Mom with stroller to friend: She's incapacitated already, so she might as well have his baby.
–6th Ave & 4th St
Mom in stall: Oh, look, honey. There are toilet seat covers!
12-year-old, also in stall: Yay! Oh, yay!
–Newark Internat’l Airport
Girl to friend: She has a Shakespeare quote tattooed on her body, so she must be smart.
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: Lyssa
Middle aged dude to another: That fucken bitch, man. I wish I had her on a t-shirt instead of on my chest and back.
–Prince & Lafayette
Slightly ghetto white girl on cell: What happens when a bug bites you on your tattoo?
–D Train
Overheard by: 4-dumb
Tourist grandmother to eight-year-old granddaughter: Do, do you like mommy's new neck tattoo? (pause) Yeah, me neither.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Jas
Woman: Why are you not breathing? You’re the worst patient ever!
–ER, Methodist Hospital
Overheard by: Gena
Hipster to boyfriend: So, I lost three pounds last week. It’s because I went to the gynecologist…
–28th & 8th
Overheard by: Waiting for the next sentence
Nurse pushing old man in wheelchair: I’m not a real nurse.
–St. John’s Hospital
Boyfriend to girlfriend as they consume foot-long hotdogs: You’ve gotta ask yourself one question. Are you prepared to put your hands in shit every day? Because that’s all a job in health care is — putting your hands in shit.
–45th & 8th
Overheard by: kat
EMT rolling patient in on stretcher: This is the most ghetto hospital ever!
–ER, Woodhull Hospital, Brooklyn
Fruit stand guy: Too much papaya! Too much marijuana! Too much cocaine!
–Dean & Court, Cobble Hill
Overheard by: Zach
Asian girl: You’re not following the diet plan! It’s either junk food or no food!
–Stuyvesant High School
Hipster girl: I want to like have a housewarming, but, like, I'm concerned about the walkup. Cause there's like smokers coming.
Little friend: How many flights?
Hipster girl: Six.
Little friend : Six stories?! Well, you warn them over e-mail, and then they can decide if they can make it.
–5 Line
Teen girl to friend: My mosquito bites hurt so much!
Friend: Mine too! I think I have malaria!
Teen girl: You don't have malaria.
–Grand Central
Hipster waitress to another: Camel toe is like, really hot, but also really uncomfortable.
–Williamsburg
College guy to friend: Dude, I'd definitely date a dude who looked like a hot chick… It's not gay.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Stephen
Professor: Welcome to CUNY, it's like menopause. It's either too hot or too cold.
–City University of New York
Latino girl on cell: Bitch, please. I'm gonna look mad hot tonight. I'ma comb my hair!
–American Apparel
Male professor: I don't care how hot Brad Pitt is… If he sits on my lap, nothing's going to happen!
–New York Institute of Technology
Overheard by: Not Brad Pitt
Ghetto lady on phone waiting for bus: Ugh. I'm exhausted. I don't have the energy to stick my hands up your ass.
–Hunts Point
Dude on cell: I think he's the same guy who stuck the jar up his ass. (pause) Well, because the camera angle was the same, and the scar…
–108th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Drunk gay man speaking to straight couple: So I'm at the wedding talking to my future cousin-in-law about how it's not gay if he likes things in his ass, and he said that's not his problem, his problem is asking her to cut her fingernails.
–26th b/w 9th & 10th
Female suit on cell: There was something going into that butt, did I not mention that?
–10th & Hudson
