Thugette to friend, as she exits train: Remember to wash your pussy tonight!
Friend: Bye!
–L Train
Overheard by: Colleen
Thugette to friend, as she exits train: Remember to wash your pussy tonight!
Friend: Bye!
–L Train
Overheard by: Colleen
Guy #1: So how come you’re late?
Guy #2: The conductor on the train held us in the station cause some woman was sick… All I could think was: “How dare this bitch get sick on my train?”
–Brooklyn Tech High School
Overheard by: kreuzweg
Woman #1: What did that guy just say?
Woman #2: He called you a stinky ass!
Woman #1: What? So what did you say?
Woman #2: I said: “Excuse me! She has a bidet!”
–Paragon Sports, Union Square
Overheard by: Manulski
Lesbian daughter: Wow, I have such burnt-out memory cells. Not to be confused with my sickle cell.
Sister, laughing: It’s all mom’s fault! All mom’s fault.
Lesbian to mom, screaming and laughing: Why didn’t you eat my placenta?! You should’ve eaten my placenta! You needed to eat my placenta!
Mom, calm as can be: I’m not African. And besides, you have enough people eating your placenta.
–Parking Lot, NYU College
Overheard by: Lesbian’s Wifey
Old man: By this time of day, my left buttcheek always starts hurting! Not the right one, just the left one. In the morning I feel fine, but by the afternoon… It hurts!
Old lady: I don’t know what to tell you, Earl. Maybe you need to shake it more.
–Bay Terrace
Overheard by: Sov
Little boy: I want a Cinnabon for breakfast!
Dour mom: Now, Matthew, let me ask you a question. How many grams of sugar does a Cinnabon have?
Little boy, dejectedly: Seven.
Dour mom: And how many grams of sugar are you allowed to eat at breakfast?
Little boy: Fiiiive.
Dour mom: Well then, don’t you think… [they go out of hearing range]
–5 Train
Overheard by: Jonathan Harford
Eight-year-old boy to another: You usta play dirty house with her!
–E 9th St & Ave A
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Visibly annoyed ghetto-fab young lady, while loudly cracking her gum: They too many nationalities on this bus and most of them don’t be clean.
–57th St Bus
Overheard by: tinyfoo
Chick, looking at rat sipping from puddle: Eeeww, how can he drink that? It’s so dirty!
–6 Platform, Grand Central
Guy on escalator, to friend: … Dirty sandwich…
–E Train
Overheard by: M_C
Male student: Either you’re a dirty, stinking hippie, or you’re pretentious.
–Bard High School Early College Library
Thuggish hobo: Please! Somebody talk dirty to me!
–Washington Square Park
White chick, examining bacteria plate: Aww, my bacteria are so cute. I have like pink ones!
Blondie: Lemme see. Ewwww… Is that what you colonized from your hand?
White chick: Yeah…?
Blondie: Ewww, you’re dirty, don’t touch me.
White chick: Fuck you, I go on the subway all the time.
Asian chick: Me too. Hey, I have some white colonies on my finger culture… Maybe I have some white in me after all.
White chick: And I have some yellow colonies! Together, we are a perfect rainbow of transcultural germs.
Asian chick: Awesome.
–Barnard Biology Lab
Overheard by: Vicksburg
NYU girl, to girl with earplugs: Ew! He put those in his ears and now they’re in yours?!
Girl with earplugs: …He put his penis in my vagina…
–4th & Astor
Overheard by: claire
Headline by: Tim Ferlito
Runners-Up:
· “Five More Orifices: Just Think Of the Possibilities!” – sim etrias
· “Granted, the Earplugs Go in Deeper…” – flippin
· “Haven’t You Heard Of Hearing AIDS?” – Constant Irritant
· “He Gives Good Aural Too.” – Rick Felice
· “Not Just His Earwax, But the Earwax Of Every Girl He’s Ever….” – Matt
· “Wax On, Whacks Off” – NJ
Boy #1: So how does your vagina feel today?
Boy #2: A little bit chafy.
–Staten Island
