Wednesday One-Liners Are Next to Godliness

Hipster: It just sucks having to change the sheets every day.

–54th & Broadway

Overheard by: J-Dawg

Man coming out of bathroom: Rhetorical question: do you wash your hands before or after pissing?

–Columbia Bathroom

Old man on cell: You tell her I don’t want her using that same toilet brush. I want her to use a new one for my place.

–34 Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: truly confused

Tranny to another: And I told him if he wanted to shove that shit up my pussy, he better wash it real good first!

–2nd St b/w 1st & 2nd Aves

Guy on cell: It still stinks? Did you try washing it? Oh. How about using a nail brush? You did? Well, how much skin did you lose?

–C Train

Overheard by: Davis Baker

Angry thug on cell: I ain’t washin’ shit!

–Broadway & Great Jones

Overheard by: Jon A.

Posted on June 11, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Gripes, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Pee, Questions, Stall Spies, The Village, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Great Wednesday One-Liners…. For Me to Poop On!

Five-year-old girl in the men’s bathroom: Hey everybody! Look! I have fat poopies!

–New Dance Group, West 38th St

Random chick: She’s gonna be all over me for shitting today.

–Outside Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Girl: I so should have taken a dump in that toilet!

–14th & 4th

High school boy: I literally walked in the bathroom and saw like, someone took a dump on the floor; and it was more than one person! And I was just like, wow, is this a new trend or something?

–Fresh Meadows, Queens

Overheard by: Caro-kun

18-year-old CPR/AED instructor on using a defibrillator: …if you’re touching the person when you administer the shock, it won’t kill you, but you might poo a little.

–50th & Broadway

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

Chick: Welp, I am ready to have diarrhea now!

–2nd Ave & 11th

Posted on June 11, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Etiquette, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Library, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Poop, Queens, School, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

‘Bye‘? What the Hell Do You Mean by That?

Thugette to friend, as she exits train: Remember to wash your pussy tonight!
Friend: Bye!

–L Train

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on June 10, 2008
Advice, Default, Etiquette, Friends, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Thugs, Vagina, Weirdness, Women

You’d Think the Center of the Universe Would Get More Respect

Guy #1: So how come you’re late?
Guy #2: The conductor on the train held us in the station cause some woman was sick… All I could think was: “How dare this bitch get sick on my train?”

–Brooklyn Tech High School

Overheard by: kreuzweg

Posted on June 10, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, Fast Times at New York High, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Public Transportation, Questions, Time, Weirdness

Isn’t It Just a Sports Bottle and a Bowl?

Woman #1: What did that guy just say?
Woman #2: He called you a stinky ass!
Woman #1: What? So what did you say?
Woman #2: I said: “Excuse me! She has a bidet!”

–Paragon Sports, Union Square

Overheard by: Manulski

Posted on June 9, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Questions, Store, Union Square and East Village, Women, Words

Seriously– Stop Having Those Dinner Parties

Lesbian daughter: Wow, I have such burnt-out memory cells. Not to be confused with my sickle cell.
Sister, laughing: It’s all mom’s fault! All mom’s fault.
Lesbian to mom, screaming and laughing: Why didn’t you eat my placenta?! You should’ve eaten my placenta! You needed to eat my placenta!
Mom, calm as can be: I’m not African. And besides, you have enough people eating your placenta.

–Parking Lot, NYU College

Overheard by: Lesbian’s Wifey

Posted on June 8, 2008
Body Parts, Comebacks, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Health and Hygiene, Innuendo, Lesbians, Moms, NYU, Questions, Sisters, Weirdness

Would Also Help Solve the Problem of What to Put in My Video-Will

Old man: By this time of day, my left buttcheek always starts hurting! Not the right one, just the left one. In the morning I feel fine, but by the afternoon… It hurts!
Old lady: I don’t know what to tell you, Earl. Maybe you need to shake it more.

–Bay Terrace

Overheard by: Sov

Posted on May 31, 2008
Advice, Ass, Default, Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Men, Old People, Queens, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness, Women

John Goodman Would Retaliate Later in Life

Little boy: I want a Cinnabon for breakfast!
Dour mom: Now, Matthew, let me ask you a question. How many grams of sugar does a Cinnabon have?
Little boy, dejectedly: Seven.
Dour mom: And how many grams of sugar are you allowed to eat at breakfast?
Little boy: Fiiiive.
Dour mom: Well then, don’t you think… [they go out of hearing range]

–5 Train

Overheard by: Jonathan Harford

Posted on May 29, 2008
Boys, Default, Diet/Weight, Food, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners –Unclean! Unclean!

Eight-year-old boy to another: You usta play dirty house with her!

–E 9th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

Visibly annoyed ghetto-fab young lady, while loudly cracking her gum: They too many nationalities on this bus and most of them don’t be clean.

–57th St Bus

Overheard by: tinyfoo

Chick, looking at rat sipping from puddle: Eeeww, how can he drink that? It’s so dirty!

–6 Platform, Grand Central

Guy on escalator, to friend: … Dirty sandwich…

–E Train

Overheard by: M_C

Male student: Either you’re a dirty, stinking hippie, or you’re pretentious.

–Bard High School Early College Library

Thuggish hobo: Please! Somebody talk dirty to me!

–Washington Square Park

Posted on May 28, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Boys, Cleanliness, Food, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Insults, Kids, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Sexuality, Students, Stupidity, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park

Benetton’s Next Ad Campaign Is Gonna Be Edgy

White chick, examining bacteria plate: Aww, my bacteria are so cute. I have like pink ones!
Blondie: Lemme see. Ewwww… Is that what you colonized from your hand?
White chick: Yeah…?
Blondie: Ewww, you’re dirty, don’t touch me.
White chick: Fuck you, I go on the subway all the time.
Asian chick: Me too. Hey, I have some white colonies on my finger culture… Maybe I have some white in me after all.
White chick: And I have some yellow colonies! Together, we are a perfect rainbow of transcultural germs.
Asian chick: Awesome.

–Barnard Biology Lab

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Posted on May 25, 2008
Asians, Colors, Columbia (& Barnard), Default, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Public Transportation, Race, Science, White People

Health and Hygiene