What's Wednesday One-Liner Got to Do with Tit?

Heavy woman lugging suitcase to friends ahead of her: Wait! My breasts are falling out of my bra! I need help!

–Union Square

Overheard by: kpan

Girl walking through hall: So are your tits getting bigger?

–Fordham Lincoln Center Dorms

Overheard by: Growing pains

Girl on phone: Take my ass and add your boobs and it's like a wet dream in this neighborhood.

–Orchard & Rivington

Overheard by: Julie

Guy smoking outside Starbucks: Well, we didn't have sex, but I did see her tits…in my head

–36th & 7th

Overheard by: Top Chef

English teacher: We're like cows, milking the intellectual tits of our minds.

–LaGuardia High School

Posted on April 1, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinatown, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Fat People, Fordham, Girls, Guys, Height, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Rack, Sex, Street, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

I'm Not Svelte Enough to Be Gay Right Now

Teen girl: Oh my god! Are you coming out of the closet?
Teen guy: Wait…what? I can't even fit into my closet.

–F train

Overheard by: ali

Posted on March 26, 2009
Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Height, On the Subway, Questions, Teens

Your Dancing, Jumping, or Rapping, Maybe

Black guy: Wanna see what I'm famous for?
Tourist: No, I don't want to see your penis.

–Central Park Entrance

Posted on March 26, 2009
Black People, Central Park, Comebacks, Guys, Height, Offers and requests, Parks, Penis, Tourists, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

If You've Got Wednesday One-Liners, Flaunt 'Em!

Hispanic girl on phone: I'm in the Heights, looking at clothes…of course they're slutty, that's all we wear.

–St Nicholas Ave b/w 181 & 182 St

Overheard by: Linda Rhodes

Friend to scantily clad girl adjusting extremely low-cut shirt: Why are you even wearing a shirt?

–NYU

Flamboyant black man: Girl, I can see yo' pussy, yo' pants are too tight!

–14th St

Blonde: I'm just going to put a thong and a mini skirt on him, and he'll entertain us.

–Broadway & 34th St, Astoria

Overheard by: Natalie

Freshman NYU student during welcome week: I can't wait to get some slutty clothes…so I can fit in.

–Outside NYU's Kimmel Center

Posted on March 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Biotechs, Black People, Clothing, Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Height, Latinos, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Sorority Girls, Street, Students, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners

Little Wednesday One-Liners, Big World

Woman to another: So he had this four foot midget, and he was wearing an Obama mask.

–50th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: jellybean

Stoned hipster: I'm short, right? So, like, I feel so close to the ground right now.

–3rd Ave & 11th

Waiter sticking head out of restaurant, to short bald guy: Hey! Are you a little bit of luck?

–35th & 10th

Guy selling comedy show tickets: Yeah! It's a comedy show! Yes, we've got drunken midgets and everything. No, you can talk to me, I'm not trying to sell you drugs!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Avigdor from Jericho

Frat guy to buddies: Is that the place with the midgets under the bar that take care of you while you drink?

–H&M, Broadway-SoHo

Posted on March 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Fashion, Frat Boys, Handicaps, Height, Hipsters, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Physical appearance, President, Questions, Soho, Stoners, Store, Street, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Eyed-Trouser-Snake-Liners

Middle aged woman on cell: You will never see your penis again! No more penis! Is that punishment enough for you?

–82nd & Columbus Ave

Black man to friend: None of them jeans fit, cuz my cock is just too huge, nigga!

–Steve & Barrys, Mariners Harbor Staten Island

Overheard by: Samantha

Sister to brother leaning on her crossed leg: Excuse me, I feel like your pee-pee is resting on my foot.

–7 Train

Latina to friend: He did everything short of taking out his penis and smacking him with it!

–Jerome Ave, the Bronx

Chick: Man, I just feel like there are a lot of penises and penis information in my life lately.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Meister E.

Middle aged man on cell: But does she know about King Dong, the penis pump?

–Stuyvesant St, Manhattan

Posted on March 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Brothers, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crime and Punishment, Friends, Girls, Height, Latinos, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Sex, Sisters, Staten Island, Street, Stuyvesant Town, The Bronx, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Growers, Not Showers

Bouncer on phone: I don't care if they is balding, got big guts or little dicks!

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: chiddox

Flaming gay man to lover: You have a small dick that never gets erect, and you are not in my will!

–Avenue St John & Kelly Streets, Bronx

Overheard by: Li'l Squeaker

Hobo: Stop controlling my eyeballs to look at your dick!

–Times Square

30-something man: Waaaaait, did they say "dick in cider" or "dick inside her"?

–7th St & St. Mark's

Overheard by: Juicy

High school kid: I wish I had two dicks. (pause) So both of my hands have something to do in class.

–Q27 Bus Stop

Overheard by: cough.cough.cough

Woman on phone: It's not about you, it's about your small dick.

–Times Square

Girl to friend: So you're going to tutor his dick, right?

–University & 10th St

Posted on March 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Body Parts, Bouncers, Couples, Erections, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Height, Hobos, Masturbation, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, School and studying, Sex, The Bronx, The Village, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

I'm Storing Up for a Craft Project.

Girl #1: Are you pregnant? Your belly looks big…
Girl #2: No, I just haven't shat for three days.

–4 Train

Posted on February 26, 2009
Body Parts, Diet/Weight, Girls, Height, On the Subway, Poop, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Weirdness

Mohs Scale Reaches Frat House Heights

Frat boy #1: I was so trashed last night.
Frat boy #2: Have you always used the phrase “soft 3, hard 8”?
Frat boy #1: Nah, I kinda made that up last night.
Frat boy #2: You're not embarrassed?
Frat boy #1: Nah, hard 8.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Steve

Headline by: katcob

Runners-Up:
· “Drunk or Sober, You Can’t Fool Me About Pencil Lead” – Bill A
· “I Am Willing to Let the World Know How I Like My Eggs” – JohnnyB
· “It’s a Grower!” – Cass
· “Just Remember to Call “No Homo” Next Time, Okay?” – version
· “Really? Only 8 and You’re Not Embarrassed?” – Keith
· “What’s *Your* Sleep-It-Off Number?” – Coyoty

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on February 26, 2009
Drinking & Drunk People, Frat Boys, Headline Contest Winners, Height, Penis, Penn Station, Words

Why Don't You Just Get Life Savers?

Hipster guy: I need some toothpaste and…what else did I say I needed?
Hipster girl, shouting: Condoms!
Hipster guy: Shhhhh!
(everyone in store starts chuckling)
Hipster girl: The extra small ones.
Hipster guy: Shhhh!
Hipster girl: With a juicy flavor!

–Rite Aid, 6th Ave & 11th St

Posted on February 20, 2009
Cleanliness, Condoms, Girls, Guys, Height, Hipsters, Shopping, Store, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness