Hobo, jingling change in old paper bag: Damn baby! You are a beautiful girl!
Girl: [Looks away.]Hobo: Will you marry me? I promise you a palace!!
–F Train
Overheard by: Sara
Hobo, jingling change in old paper bag: Damn baby! You are a beautiful girl!
Girl: [Looks away.]Hobo: Will you marry me? I promise you a palace!!
–F Train
Overheard by: Sara
Hobo holding open door: Hello, beautiful lady.
Woman, dropping a five in cup: You’re one smart son of a bitch.
–86th & Lexington
Bum walking dog, singing: Tired of looking for love in all the wrong places, ejaculating on all the wrong faces…
–72nd St & Columbus
Overheard by: Asset
Drugged-up guy singing a song to girls on subway platform, to the tune of "Earth Angel": Earth angel, earth angel, would you be mine? Earth angel, earth angel, would someone loan me money so I can bribe her to take me hoooome…
–Union Square Platform
Overheard by: Thankfully not an earth angel
Cop #1, singing to cop #2: Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee..!
–6th Ave & Waverly
Overheard by: Jatmos
Blind panhandler, singing: Can’t take my eyes off of you…
–R Train
Young hobo, singing: Gimme some money, bitch, I need a fuckin’ pen, so I can write a sign…
–St Mark’s Place
Greyhound bus driver: We’re pulling up to Port Authority now. [Sings] My Greyhound brings all the boys to the yard, and they’re like, it’s better than yours, damn right, it’s better than yours, I can teach you, but I have to charge. La la la la la- New York City! La la la la la -almost there.
–Geyhound, Port Authority
Overheard by: carly, gina, and jenna
Stagehand: I’m telling you, in my next life I’m gonna be a yeti impersonator, and it’s gonna be great!
–Lincoln Center
Curly-haired woman on cell: The gnomes you’ll be seeing are among the friendliest, I think.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Poogins
Crazy hobo, walking down the street: I bought Jesus! I bought Santa Claus! I bought the tooth fairy!
–Parsons, 40th & 7th ave
College girl to friend, pointing at native-american diorama: Oh look, they even have mermaids here! [walks closer and sees mannequin’s feet.] Never mind, it’s not a mermaid!
–Museum of Natural History
Yuppie mom, to toddler son: You can live on the upper west side and I’ll be the tooth fairy!
–Times Square Subway
Overheard by: Lillian
Crazy hobo, dancing and singing as he walks down the aisle: Yeah, yeah, yeahhhhhh… Yeahhh yeahhh yeahhh. And now for my grand finale! [pulls emergency break and exits car.]Angry woman: Oh, hell no. He did not just do that. I knew he was gonna to do that shit.
Friend: Why didn’t you trip him or somethin’?
Angry woman: Are you fuckin’ kidding me? And get beat up by a crazy? Did ya’ll see that?!
Young woman: Fuck my life.
–D Train
Overheard by: KK
Uptight middle-aged evangelist woman: You are all sinners. Jesus Christ is coming and you are all going to be condemned to hell.
Toothless eighty-year-old hobo: I’m Jesus.
Uptight middle-aged evangelist woman: Jesus is coming and you all will be dining with Satan.
Toothless eighty-year-old hobo: I’m already here. I’m Jesus.
Uptight middle-aged evangelist woman: No you aren’t.
Toothless eighty-year-old hobo: I’m telling you, I’m Jesus. How do you know I’m not Jesus?
NYU hipster: My lord! You have returned!
–6 Train
Cop: There are no downtown express trains! I repeat, there are no downtown express trains. If you have a problem with that, take it up with the President of the United States!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Trixie
Suit on cell: The problem with Canada is that it’s not the U.S.
–129th St, Harlem
Overheard by: Koen
Black guy on cell: Yeah, what is Condoleezza Rice, anyway? I think she’s Puerto Rican or Dominican. She’s definitely not American.
–Barnes & Noble, W 66th St
Black guy to white friend eating lunch: Ah, yes, the American dream: doing nothing while eating a sandwich.
–Stuyvesant High
Hobo: Thirty-two-gallon garbage can — who wants this beautiful 32-gallon garbage can? Made right here in the US-of-A! Come on, people! It’s an American product at Mexican prices. Now, what’s my first bid?
–4th Ave & Atlantic
Overheard by: Mike N
Large black lady on cell: I know, right? Osama bin Laden is like the Uncle Sam of America!
–CVS Pharmacy
Hobo with jar around his neck reading “TIPS” is approached by another hobo wearing a sign reading “CLASSIC BUM.” An American Apparel employee comes out and takes a Polariod.
“TIPS” hobo: This is a Bum War, lady. But you like what you see? Spare some change?
–Houston & Orchard
Middle-aged black woman: William Shatner should run for president or governor or mayor or something… He’s got the charisma.
–Staten Island Ferry snack bar
Overheard by: Stephanie
Hobo spinning in circles: ‘Bout time we got some poontang in the White House! There’s a first time for everything!
–117th & Broadway
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Thug, watching Elliot Spitzer and Chuck Schumer drive by: Who da fuck these niggas?
–Super Bowl Parade
Overheard by: No idea
Scholar: I’m voting for Osama Barack.
–F train
Overheard by: Terrorized
Conductor: Grand Central Station. Two and Three trains across the platform. Change here for the Seven, A, C, E, and shuttle to Times Square. Vote Obama.
–1 train, Grand Central
Drunk guido during post-Super Bowl rioting: I mean, who cares who the next president is after this?
–52nd & 2nd
Overheard by: NCS
Hobo: Hey, contribute to the marijuana cause!
Rock kid: No, that’s okay.
Hobo: I know you smoke — your parents don’t know, but I know, and so do you.
–Waverly Theater, 6th Ave
