Homeless

Announcer: There is a downtown b as in "brothel" train approaching 81st Street. That's right. Brothel.

–81st St Station

Angry hobo, after receiving no money: Well, fine, screw you all! The reason you ain't giving me anything is cause no of y'all speak English. They should call this the "e" for "immigrant" train.

–E Train

Overheard by: Matt

Dude outside bar at happy hour: He expects me to be a BFF. But I'm just a bf… No, I'm just an f.

–9th Ave & 56th St

Overheard by: K Melv

Businesswoman on cell: No… the letter s… "s" as in "shot."

–Madison Square Park

Crazy woman to herself: My mom always called me "a" because, when I was little, really little, like before I could talk, I would sing "a a a a a a" over and over. And that was the joke, that I knew the first letter of the alphabet. (shrugs)

–S79 Bus

Little kid, singing alphabet song: A – b – c – d – h – i – v!

–M102 Bus

Hobo #1: You know Allen? Allen is a crackhead!
Hobo #2: You know… I used to be a crackhead.

–28th St & 8th Ave

Hobo to tourist lady: Can you spare a dollar? Some change?
Tourist lady: Sorry, not today.
Hobo, mumbling as he walks away: Okay, see ya tomorrow.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Rebecca

Mother: And that's why they're beautiful, cuz god made them. Everything god makes is beautiful.
Daughter, pointing to homeless man: Not that.

–104th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Jonesy

Latino nanny to redheaded toddler, after he throws his hat at her: Put your hat back on your hair! It's freaking people out.

–Central Park

Disheveled raggedy hobo, reprimanding suit: Get a haircut!

–Wachovia Wells Fargo

Overheard by: CS

Loud black girl on cell phone: You know where the train station is, where all them homeless people live? Yeah, that's where I go get my hair done. She doesn't fuck my hair up, because I told her, "you best not fuck my hair up." And now she never does. (chuckles)

–LIRR

Overheard by: kill her

Beautiful angry woman on cell: I had told you to meet me at 116th Street because I got my hair in my bag! My weave hair! I had wanted to do my hair later, because it's too damn hot to be sitting up in that place. But I'm not going to no damn barbecue with weave hair in my bag!

–The Bronx

Overheard by: Shrimp on the barbie

Little boy with squirt gun: No! You wetted my hair! My beautiful flowing hair!

–Rockefeller Park

Hobo to 20-something girls: How about some money?
(girls ignore him and keep walking)
Hobo: How about a threesome?
Girls: Are you serious?

–SoHo

Overheard by: I don't think so

Hobo #1: Ya know what?
Hobo #2: Does it look like I know what?

–Washington Place & Broadway

Overheard by: ksm

Hobo #1: Girl, you a model?
Hobo #2: Nah. She too short to be a model.

–51st St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: flattered

Hobo to couple: Right, right, so you take a donut, put it where it don't belong. Like in a tree. Now you got a tv. Take a cream cookie, wipe it on your mustache. Now you got a tv. I would put a chocolate cookie in the middle of a donut.
Woman: Oh my, where did you learn all this?

–Staten Island Ferry

Passer-by to hobo: Nice chair!
Hobo: Why, thank you, I'm a professional bum.

–5th Ave & 22nd St