Insults

Kid: I speak seven different languages.
Mom: The only language you speak is Stupid.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Susspect

Headline by: Matt Higgins

Runners-Up:

· “And your Mandarin is conversational at best” – Greg Costello

· “Barbara Bush reaches her tipping point.” – Sabrina

· “But I got the Vile Cunt accent from you , mom.” – Chuck Roast

· “Kill his confidence so you don’t have to pay for Harvard” – Kristin

· “Obviously, it’s his “Mother Tongue”” – Big Larry

· “The wit of your reply has left me aghast and inarticulate, mother” – Grinning Idiot


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Woman #1, washing her hands: So I went to see Cirque du Soleil the other night.
Woman #2, in a stall: Really?
Woman #1: And this guy is doing this whole routine with chairs. He just had a whole mess of chairs, and he was balancing them on each other, and he was sometimes balancing on them too.
Woman #2: Ok…
Woman #1: And it made me realize, I really appreciate chairs. I just fucking hate Cirque du Soleil.

–Ladies' Room, Bowery Poetry Club

Overheard by: also a fan

Lost-looking chick on cell: Why do they always fuck with the trains on weekends? Don't they know there are stoned people trying to get home?

–Subway Platform, Grand Central

Overheard by: Poogtastic

Loudspeaker dispatcher lady: Hey you! Uptown number 5! You better stop sticking your head out the window and answer me on the radio!

–Uptown 4,5,6 Train, Union Square

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Elegant gentleman, as train starts to depart station: Oh, I didn't realize the train was going to move.

–Crowded Uptown 1 Train

MTA announcement: The uptown 1 train is running.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Krisztina

Dispatcher: The arriving train will be the next train. The arriving train will be the next train.

–G Train, Court Square

Overheard by: Katrink

Old man: I'm coming, train. I'm coming. I'm coming, train, you son of a bitch bastard!

–6 Train

British guy: Two tickets to Grand Central, please.

–Bowling Green station

Overheard by: Kirsten Teasdale

Woman on cell: I’m not going to punch her in the mouth, Danny.

–Grand Central station

Suit: You’re ruining my life, you pot-smoking whore!

–34th & Broadway

Hispanic teen #1: Oh my God girl! You’re such a fucking bitch!
Hispanic teen #2: Pshaa… Nigga please, I got like 300 friends on MySpace and you only got like 100, bitch.
Hispanic teen #1: At least I didn’t sleep with all my 300 friends.
Hispanic teen #2: You are so off my top 14.
Hispanic teen #1: You aren’t even on mine, so I dont give a shit.
Hispanic teen #2: Bitch

–Union Square

Overheard by: Bryan

[guy takes a flyer]Flyer guy: Hey, do you want to know about…
Guy interrupting: No.
[guy goes into revolving door and flyer guy follows him into the same section of the door and stops it]Flyer guy: Don’t be such a jerkwad, I want my flyer back.

–68th St Loews

Overheard by: LSB

Queer hipster #1: She’s a bitch.
Queer hipster #2: She *is* a bitch!
Queer hipster #1: She’s a bitch, and she’s ugly and fat.
Queer hipster #2: I know! I saw her in a bathing suit, and I swear, I have never been more flaccid in my life!

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: traPt

Young lady: Fuck you, motherfucker!
Boyfriend: C'mon, baby, she dint mean nuttin' to me.
Young lady: That's it. You ain't gettin' it no more! I wouldn't fuck you with the cat's pussy!
Boyfriend: Alright den, the hell with you! Bye–but dem legs are gonna bring you down!

–Queens Bus Stop

13-year-old WASP girl #1: Hey.
13-year-old WASP girl #2: You’re a fucking bitch. I hope you burn in hell.

–85th & 1st

Overheard by: Rob

Guy on cell talking loudly: Where the fuck are you, Emily? (pause) Are you shopping? Don't lie to me, Emily! I will come over there and fucking beat the dogshit out of you. (pause) I don't care if I go to jail, it will be worth it to slap your lying ass around. (pause) You don't buy me shit, Emily. Do you buy me my underwear? No! Do you buy me socks? No! I do. What about all those purses and shoes you have? Me!
Random Dominican teenage girl: Damn, Emily really don't buy him nothing.

–Lucky Star Bus

Overheard by: chinatown bus traveler