Tired commuter: I'm just gonna sit here…I'm too tired to stand.
(she squeezes in small space between two girls.)
Angry girl: You know, you shouldn't touch people's thighs!
Tired commuter: Ooooh, you need Jesus!
–Uptown A Train
Overheard by: …because that logically follows?
Crazy man, yelling: Sweet Jesus! The lord is aaaaalwaaays watching! Watching you wicked, wicked people! Heavens be praised, for he has shown me the way! He can show you too, but all this wickedness and sin has to stop! He knows, he knows! (lights in train go out) Yes, dear Jesus! For he has plunged us into darkness. Do not say “the weather” or “The MTA,” it is the Lord who sees and knows all, and he has seen the wickedness you people have brought into the world and he has plunged us into darkness! We are truly in the darkness. (lights go back on) Praise the lord, for he has shown us the light!
–F Train
Overheard by: Elisabeth
Old man: You wanna be re-viriginized?
Old woman: No, I want to remain with Jesus.
Old man: So, you wanna have sex with Jesus?!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: liz kim
Girl #1, about street preacher: Oh my god, I cannot believe he said Jesus was the devil.
Girl #2: I know! Jesus was Moses. Duh.
–Times Square
Overheard by: joanna
Young fashionable hipster girl #1: There's this piece of art, called Piss Christ.
Young fashionable hipster girl #2, interrupting: Oh! Is that the poop one?!
–Houston & 1st Ave
Black man #1, talking about Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ: Yo, you remember the prostitute?
Black man #2: What?
Black man #1: The prostitute. He saved her life.
Black man #2: By the well, dog, getting water.
Black man #1: Right. Niggas is like, drinking beers, and they goin' throw stones at her, 'til he be like, only them that ain't sinned can throw rocks, and they all backed down.
Black man #2: Yo, that shit was tight, man.
–Q Train
Tourist lady on cell: Well, the last I heard she wasn't even sure what her relationship with Jesus is anymore.
–Starbucks, 42nd & 8th
Annoyed dressed-up girl to friend: I mean, I'm not hating on Jesus. It's just that he's not my man like he's your man. I don't hop into bed with him every night!
–25th St & 7th Ave
Woman walking by street dancers: By the dangling testes of Christ on the cross!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Lauren
Curly-haired chick: You've found *other* people's fatal flaws–baggage, Jesus, etcetera.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Poogins
NYU student: Well, you know things always get complicated when Jesus comes into the picture.
–Cooper Square
Controversial professor: Does anyone have anything nice to say about Jesus, that poor son of a bitch?
–Columbia University
Professor, to deaf student's interpreter: Do you deal with "fuck" and "shit" and all that?
–Pratt Institute
Mother to bickering daughters: Let me tell you something: you two bags are the only motherfuckers I got left!
–21st St & 35th Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: Daniel Boris Dzula
Young woman in burqa on cell: And Jesus Christ! What the fuck was that bitch thinking?
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: ABrooklynBaby'sNanny
Girl on cell: And he said, "I am trying to learn here!" and I said, "fuck you!"
–112 & Broadway
Overheard by: Nathan
Hobo: I was in Nantucket when I lost my bucket! Then I said, "fuck it!"
–Union Square
Overheard by: Stacy
Woman crying to friend: I don't want to do the fucking SAG Awards!
–Bryant Park
Guy walking to rehearsal: I mean, he's really cute in that way that makes you want to hit him with a desk.
–Steinhardt Building, NYU
Middle school girl (about poster for condoms): Ewwww, at least they could've put cute gay guys!
–Q train
Overheard by: Robert
Vapid high school chick: Oh my god, I just found out that he's actually dating a freshman. And not even one of the cute ones either…she's like, brown.
–Central Park
Obviously gay boy screaming into cell: Jeremy, why the fuck didn't you tell me the massage therapist you sent me to does erotic massage? All I wanted was a place to relax! (pause) Yeah, halfway through he started jacking me off! (pause) Seriously? He never did that to you? (pause) Don't be offended. You're cute. He just could probably tell I have a big dick and couldn't keep his hands off it.
–Broadway & 20th St
Dude to friends: Did I tell you guys about the girl that I hooked up with the other night? She totally looked like a beaver… (awkward silence) …but I mean a really cute beaver.
–Ace Bar, 5th St b/w Ave A & Ave B
Overheard by: Santa's Boy Toy
Girl on cell: Tim's cute, I just wish he didn't love Jesus so much.
–N Train
Driver: So if I had to choose an age to die, I’d choose 24.
Van mate: Oh, you’d one-up Jesus.
Driver: Man, I’ve been one-upping Jesus my whole life. That’s all I do.
–West Side Highway
