Wednesday One-Liners and the People Who Love Them

Marketing girl: Would you like to try a new perfume? It's for you and your pet!

–Bryant Park, Outside Fashion Week Tents

Overheard by: jycho

Girl: I told my mom that I would probably be alone for the rest of my life. Yesterday she sent me an e-mail with a link to petfinder.com.

–Student Center, Barnard

Overheard by: Kristine

Man trying to sell comedy club tickets: Cheaper than an abortion! More entertaining than the crucifixion! More fun than euthanizing your pets!

–50th Ave & Broadway

Overheard by: Colleen

Queer on cell: Well, women are just pets for straight men.

–E 10th St

Woman on cell: So are you going to tell your daughter that you ate her pet?

–20th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Jesse S G

Posted on July 18, 2015
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bryant Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, Girls, Internet, Jesus, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Parents, Parks, Queer guys, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Street, The Village, Vendors & Street Performers, We Love Our Pets, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday Will Go Nazarene on Your One-Liners

Black woman: Sixteen dollars? That paper better be made out of Jesus's ass.

–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Emily B.

40-something to friends: And what's going on with the fucking baby Jesus over there?

–Starbucks

Guy on cell: In my class, we were talking about how Jesus was a Viking warrior.

–Queens College

Woman, about Matt Lauer and Katie Couric: See, this is why Jesus Christ and the Pharisees didn't get along.

–22nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Rachel Peters

Woman on phone on the night before Easter: No, I do not want you at my house right now. (pause) I'm going home to watch The Ten Commandments and read my bible–Jesus is coming back tomorrow!

–B44 Bus

Overheard by: Micah

Drunk high school girl: If Jesus had discovered a cure for dry mouth, he'd be a lot more popular!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Smudge

Posted on July 16, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Books & Writing, Bus, Christianity, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Guys, History & Geography, Insults, Jesus, Medicine, Money & Class, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Bus, Queens, Queens College, Questions, School and studying, Sorority Girls, Starbucks, Store, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

We Invented Jesus

Young, religious guy: Hey! Do you know Jesus?
Older guy: Of course, I'm Catholic!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Lily F.

Posted on July 15, 2015
Christianity, God Squad, Jesus, Old People, Questions, Times Square

“I said holiness, not assholiness.”

God squad guy: Jesus is the way, Jesus is the way, take a prayer book because Jesus is the way!
Man: Look, buddy, it’s New York. We’re all Jewish in one way or another. Try Jersey.

–Union Square West

Overheard by: CW

Posted on July 3, 2015
God Squad, Jesus, Jews, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Union Square and East Village

Better He Take the Elevator Than a Plane

Man: Jesus is coming, are you prepared?
Hipster guy: Well, he ain’t getting on this elevator!
Woman: Oh Jesus, who let this nut in the building?

–Elevator, 42nd & Lexington

Overheard by: Cirrus Monk

Posted on July 1, 2015
Christianity, Crazies, Hipsters, Jesus, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, People, Places, Religion

Crazy Hobo Says What We're All Thinking

Street preacher: You need the blood! The blood of Jesus!
Crazy hobo: You need a good butt fucking! Right in the mouth!

–Union Square

Posted on July 1, 2015
Ass, Backdoor, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Comebacks, Crazies, Hobos, Jesus, Preachers, Union Square and East Village

I Hear Christ's Gotten a Lot Of Work Done.

Man preaching on subway: And even Michael Jackson has to answer to Jesus Christ himself.
Rush hour passenger: He'd never recognize him.

–F Train

Overheard by: Thom Cohen

Posted on June 19, 2015
About Celebrities, Jesus, Music, On the Subway, Passengers, Preachers, Strangers

She’s No Virgin

Boy: Mommy, Mommy! Let’s pretend I’m Jesus and everyone wants to kill me.
Mommy: I don’t think I want to play that game.

–Central Park

Posted on June 5, 2015
Central Park, Jesus, Kids, Moms

You Nailed It

Irish girl: So who were these boys she was caught trespassing with?
American girl: I don’t know, but my dad said one of them was named Jesus.
Irish girl: Oh Jesus, so she’s hanging out with Muslims now?

–Woodlawn, The Bronx

Posted on May 28, 2015
Girls, Jesus, Nicknames & name calling, The Bronx

Birthday One-Liners

20-something guy on cell: My girlfriend's birthday is tomorrow. (pause) I don't know. Maybe a bong.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Steve Popovich

Girl to friend: I just wanted to hook up with him because we had the same birthday.

–8th St & 5th Ave

Rent cast member (shouting over shoulder): I turn 34 on Friday, I'm old but at least I made it past Jesus.

–Nederlander Theatre

Woman arguing loudly with her mother in the laundromat: My 30th birthday is gonna be ruined if we don't go to the wax museum!

–4th Ave & 14th St, Brooklyn

Guy handing out New York Post: Grab your free copy of New York Post, it's free, it's free! Oh, and happy birthday to me today, thank you very much for remembering it! Oh, what a lovely day…

–42nd & Madison

Overheard by: Eve

Posted on May 20, 2015
Actors, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Birthdays, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Free stuff!, Friends, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Hook Ups, Jesus, Laundromat, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Street, The Village, Theater, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women