Guy, rushing into room: Guys, come here. I need a witness in the bathroom right now.
–Times Square
Screaming Latino stepping into urinal: Ah! Ah! Ah! Sorry y'all, I just got dem crabs, so it hurts when it comes out.
–South Ferry
Voice from cubicle emitting diarrhea sounds the day after Yom Kippur: Ugh, Jewish holidays.
–Broadway
Woman coming out of bathroom: I just heard the woman in the stall next to me say, "I love my ample taint."
–Astoria
Overheard by: Alison R
Man in cowboy hat, looking at large crowd surrounding a Jew for Jesus: Man, I can't compete with religion, all I got are card tricks! This sucks!
–Union Square
Overheard by: SilentRaver
Guy on cell: Why, is it because it's the blacks? (pause) Oh, I get it. It's the Baptists.
–Cosi, 13th & Broadway
Overheard by: Heather
Crazy creepster, going up to Catholic girls and screaming: Catholic schoolgirls rule!
–R Train
Overheard by: Amanduh
Tall, 40-something guy on cell: I don't know… I don't think I can go drunk to church.
–53rd St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Midtown Schmidtown
Woman: My husband is pissed because I skipped church for this shit!
–Medieval Festival, Ft. Tryon Park
Girl #1: My dad used to call me that. He would say, “Bye bye, meshugana,” and I always thought he was saying, “Bye bye my sugar, now.” I was a confused kid.
Girl #2: Or just a shiksa.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Michelle
Jogging girl #1: I think I need to be less Jewey.
Jogging girl #2: Yeah, I guess you could do that.
Jogging girl #1: How though? Get a haircut?
Jogging girl #2: I guess…
–Riverside Park
Organizer #1: What about different food options for the luncheon, (thoughtful pause) what about kosher food?
Organizer #2: Good idea, but how will we be able to tell who wants to eat kosher?
University staff: We could just make black armbands with the Star of David on them. (collective gasps in the room) What?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: fdh
Woman to friend: Look, I just don't want to be born again, okay? I saw how you attacked that Jewish woman in the airport.
–Broadway & 10th St
Overheard by: Stephanie
Patron: Jews for Jesus are just reformed black panthers.
–Turkish Kitchen, 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Pola
Student who has just drawn a stereotypical Jew to another who has drawn Jesus on the cross: Wait–wait, Jesus was Jewish?
–Bronx High School Of Science, Judaic Cultural Society
Girl at birthday supper: I get all Jewish and entitled when anyone tries to tell me "no!"
–8th Ave & 43rd St
Overheard by: Lankyguy
Jock to another: And then he like tried to fuck me. I guess that's what I get for spending the night at a dude's house. I mean he was Jewish and all, so he was really nice but still…
–23rd St & Lexington
Girl #1: Wait, I thought you didn't eat meat?
Girl #2: I'm a pescetarian.
Girl #1: Oh. Aren't you Jewish?
–Sushi Samba, Park Ave
Old Jewish woman #1: Amy Winehouse…she sounds like a nice Jewish girl.
Old Jewish woman #2: I don't think she's going to live very long.
–Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Annex
Overheard by: Rachel
Crotchety old Jewish lady, passing Palm Sunday parade: Easter is for amateurs.
–W 72nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Naomi Choy Smith
Little old lady looking down steep basement stairway: Wow…I wouldn't want to be drunk going down those stairs!
–Broome & Essex
Old guy: I'm going out for a smoke. If you see someone take this jacket, shoot to kill.
–Starbucks
Old man with beard, hunched over walker, watching couple holding hands: You two been doin' the nasty, ain't ya?
–27th & Broadway
Old black lady in wheelchair: I mean, what was he gonna do with a dead body?
–Bowery
Overheard by: Lauren
Very old man to another, in thick New York accent: Ya gotta take it…and put it on ya rectum like this. (demonstrates with hand gesture)
–53rd St & 10th Ave
Elderly gentleman to another: From now on, you will obey me!
–Carnegie Hall
Man yelling at children: If I see it I spank it!
–94th St & Columbus
Overheard by: olivia
Mother to complaining seven-year-old daughter: Let's pretend we're the Israelites wandering in the desert.
–42nd St & 8th Ave
Mom to child: If you do that again, I swear to god, I will make you ride outside! I will strap you to the wing and make you ride outside!
–JetBlue Plane, JFK Tarmac
Woman to small child looking at store window: Jean-Claude, you simply cannot be this demanding at two and a half!
–3rd Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Paula Katinas
Mother to screaming child: You are so mean! Who raised you? Wild animals? Indians?
–Greene St, SoHo
Overheard by: Mememonkey
Mom getting on subway to small kids: Well, now you know what "burlesque" means!
–1 Train
