You Want Wednesday One-Liners? We Got 'em!

Man handing out New York Post: New York Post! If you're illiterate, only 75 cents! If you only lookin at pictures, 50 cents!

–6th Ave & W 8th St

Overheard by: lady v

Man selling cotton candy: Get your cotton candy here! Cotton candy! I got your all-natural blue fibers of sugar right here! Straight from the blue cotton fields of…Virginia! Cotton candy, here!

–Shea Stadium

Street perfume seller to browser: You like Vera Wang, princess? This is genuine Wang.

–34th & 6th

Overheard by: Weary Communter

Street vendor: Hey, where are you ladies from? (two teenage girls walk by) Oh, that's cool, that's cool, I think I have a friend that lives there!

–7th & 40th

Overheard by: Tiffany

AM New York guy: Sir, would you like a paper this morning? No? No? (shakes head and looks at the ground) I don't care. (pause) It's okay, I don't care.

–145th & St. Nich

Overheard by: sorry charlie

Fake purse salesman: Gucci makes the coochie go woo woo!

–Times Square

Posted on November 26, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Fakes, Food, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Knock-Offs, Lies, Money & Class, News, One-liners, Penis, Pictures, Questions, Shea Stadium, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

New Jersey, Maybe

Drunk suit #1: My dick is so big my girlfriend sucks it everyday.
Drunk suit #2: Your girlfriend lives in Canada! Your dick isn't that big.

–Daisy's Diner, Park Slope

Overheard by: peej

Posted on November 14, 2008
BJs, Drunks, Lies, Park Slope, Penis, Restaurants & Cafes, Suits

Which Is Why Your Nickname Is “Puck”

Gay guy with lisp: I heard Mark, you know, the fat kid? I heard he slept with the hockey team.
Blonde girl: Funny thing is…we don't have sports teams at Marymount.
Gay guy with lisp: Oh my god! Are you cereal? I was lied to? The queen of gossip is never lied to. Ugh!
Blonde: Don't talk to me… You just said “cereal” in place of “serious.”
Gay guy with lisp: Whatever, I'll tell everyone it was you that slept with the hockey team.

–Marymount Manhattan College

Posted on November 6, 2008
College, Girls, Lies, Orgy, Queer guys, Questions, Rumor Has It, Sports, Weirdness, Words

If You're Gonna Lie, at Least Be in the Gutter with a Fifth of Jack Daniels.

Middle school girl on Nextel: Hi mom.
Mom (from Nextel): Hello?
Girl (into Nextel): Yeah, mom. Hello? I am on my way home.
Mom (from Nextel): Where are you?
Girl (into Nextel): I am just getting off the bus right now.

–Target, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lynda

Posted on October 9, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, Girls, Kids, Lies, Moms, Public Transportation, Questions, Store, Tweens

Maverick Wednesday One-Liners Take on the Washington Establishment

Woman: So my friend was going to vote for Obama, but now, since her boyfriend is from, like, Alaska, she's going to vote for McCain instead.

–Store, 2nd Ave

Woman to friend: Joe says he weighs 145 but he's a Republican. You can't trust anything he says.

–Pinetree Lodge, 35th & 1st

Hobo on street corner: Vote for McCain. Get nuclear rockets shot up your ass and eat moose burgers all day!

–W 3rd & MacDougal St

Overheard by: Matt

60-something woman dressed like teenybopper, talking about Sarah Palin on cell: She proves you can be pretty and smart. She's more than a bulldog in a pantsuit; she's like Alaska Barbie!

–Penn Station

Yuppie dad to whiny daughter: Barack Obama doesn't like it when his daughters whine.

–Caroll Gardens

Middle-aged, white man on cell: Do not call me at this number again. Never call me at this number again. Listen, if you call me at this number again I will, in fact, vote for John McCain.

–Tea Lounge, Cobble Hill

Posted on October 8, 2008
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Diet/Weight, Guys, Hobos, Lies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, Penn Station, Politics, Pop Culture, President, Relationships, Store, Stupidity, The Village, Threats, U.S. Geography, War, White People, Women, Yuppies

He'd Stuff Your Pockets With Third World Babies

Dork #1: Dude, I think I just saw Brad Pitt!
Dork #2: What? Where?
Dork #1: Over there on the bench! It's him!
Dork #2: No way!
Dork #1: Yes it is! It's Brad Pitt!
Dork #2: I don't believe you! Why don't you go ask him?
Dork #1: Dude, you just don't go up to someone and ask if they're Brad Pitt.

–Columbia University

Posted on September 23, 2008
About Celebrities, Columbia University, Default, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Lies, Offers and requests, Questions

They Do This at Least Once a Week

Hobo: I need change. I need me some change. Gonna get a steak sandwich.
Angry woman: Fuck that. Fuck you! I'm a social worker and I know you're nothing but a worthless son of a bitch! I know you gonna buy you some crack!
Hobo: Somebody better fire that bitch!

–Brooklyn

Posted on August 25, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, Food, Hard Drugs, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Lies, Money & Class, Panhandling, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Ad: Still the Healthiest Thing You Can Buy at McDonald's

(man is eating, drug dealer sits at his table)
Dealer: An eight ball, right?
(man's cell rings, he answers)
Man (into cell): I'm… at the gym. (pause) Yeah, and this call has made me one of those annoying people on the phone at the treadmills. I'll call you later. (to dealer) Yeah, an eight ball.

–McDonald's, The Village

Overheard by: soccerboy

Posted on August 24, 2008
Customers, Default, Druggies, Drugs, Lies, Men, Offers and requests, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village, Vendors & Street Performers

He Said I Was Beautiful

Redhead: It's not that he lies to get girls into bed, it's just that, you know, he doesn't always tell the truth.
Brunette: Did he lie to get you into bed?
Redhead: Well, yeah, but I was gonna sleep with him anyway.

–NJ Transit, Penn Station

Posted on August 22, 2008
Default, Friends, Girls, Lies, Penn Station, Relationships, Sex

Lies