The Shameless Name Dropping Of Wednesday One-Liners

Elegant lady on cell: I’m a powerful influence on the Kennedys.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Fat black man to white man who breaks his umbrella while trying to help him open it: Aw, hells no. Don’t make me go all Britney Spears on yo’ ass.

–Duane Reade, 57th & Broadway

Chick, to guy: Danny Pintauro hit on you at a leather club?

–14th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Ladle

Professor to class: … The ark of the covenant gone, only to be found by Harrison Ford later on.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Krisztina

Barista to meathead: … That’s the thing about Drew Bledsoe. He smokes a lot of marijuana.

–11th & Bedford

NYU girl: I want to be Patrick Dempsey! So I could fuck myself!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Maya G.

Suit on cell: Dude, you’re dating Sigourney Weaver? Right now? Dude, are you kissing her? Are you grabbing her ass? Does she still have an ass at this point?

–66th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ken

Posted on April 9, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Baristas, Black People, Brooklyn, Dating, Default, Duane Reade, Fat People, Fordham, Girls, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, On Cell, Politics, Questions, Rich people, S&M, Sex, Smoking, Street, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Weed, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Hasn’t Stopped Prince Charles

Man: I’m getting kind of sick of Will Ferrell.
Woman: Well, he’s kind of an asshole…and he has bad teeth.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Ethan

Posted on April 4, 2008
About Celebrities, Central Park, Default, Insults, Men, Physical appearance, Teeth, Women

Otherwise the Movie Soundtrack Would Lag Behind the Images

Woman: Light travels faster then sound, right?
Man: I don’t think so.

–Stuyvesant Square

Posted on April 3, 2008
Default, Education, Men, Questions, Science, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, Women

Note That She Hasn’t Answered It

Man: Hey, can I ask you just one question?
Woman: You just did. [keeps walking.]

–36th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Steven Lowell

Posted on April 3, 2008
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Men, Questions, Street, Violence, Weirdness, Women, Words

Juan Valdez: Look, I’m Only Like 5’10”, but I’ll Bring the Mule.

Male Customer: I’ll take a tall Colombian.
Male Barista: Does he have to be cute?

–Starbucks, Park Row

Overheard by: Tickled Pink

Posted on April 1, 2008
Baristas, Customers, Default, Drinks, Foreigners, Gays and Lesbians, Men, Offers and requests, Questions, Starbucks, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

And a Live Person. Not Like Last Time.

Man: $100 for a garbage can?!?
Woman: Unless there’s a person in it…

–Target, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Drizzle

Posted on April 1, 2008
Brooklyn, Business and Commerce, Customers, Default, Gripes, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Questions, Store, Weirdness, Women

Seeing as How You Have Free Will and All

Goatee-sporting man: …AND GOD HUMBLED HIMSELF AND BECAME ONE OF US…AND HE GAVE US FREE WILL…
Middle aged white woman: Yeah… Ummm, can you take this somewhere else?

–E train

Posted on April 1, 2008
Comebacks, Default, God, God Squad, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Preachers, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

Hawkeye Just Wants an Audience

Supermarket stock guy, screaming into cell while loading cheese onto shelves: Yo! What up, punk ass! Call me back punk ass bitch!
[Hangs up cell and breaks into chorus of that “Oh What a Night (December ’63)” song.]100-year-old male shopper: ’63? You’re not even old enough to remember ’63.
Stock guy: Man, I was born in ’60. July 1960.
100-year-old male shopper: Oh, ’60, huh? I served in Korea…

–20th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: LiAps

Posted on April 1, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Age/Aging, Compare/Contrast, Default, Guys, History & Geography, Insults, Men, Old People, Singing, Store, Stuyvesant Town, War, Words

A Bloodshot Retinal Scan Will Suffice

Man: Do you have ID?
Teenagers: Huh?
Man: ’cause you gotta be high to be in here!

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: the imbiber

Posted on March 31, 2008
Default, Drugs, Men, Offers and requests, Parks, Questions, Teens, Union Square and East Village

The Grateful Ones Are Best

Ghetto man, sticking his head into the car and yelling to no one in particular: Are you single? [Nobody replies.] Are you single?!
Ghetto girl: Yeah, I’m single.
[he walks over to her.]
Ghetto girl: My husband left me. After five years he just left. Said “I love Frank.”
Ghetto man, announcing to the rest of the car: Did you hear that? This woman’s husband left her for another man! [to the woman]: What’s your phone number? [She gives out digits]

–F train

Overheard by: and she wonders why…

Posted on March 31, 2008
Breaking Up, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Ghetto Chicks, Marriage, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Thugs

Men