Man: You finally made it.
Woman: Yeah… by the time I wake up, get ready, drive to the train station, take the train, then take the subway to get here all for a ten-minute interview… it’s, like, a total rim job.
Man: Ummm… at least you made it.
–50th & 7th
Reverse-Necrophiliac: I hate dead people. They have such attitude.
–Time Warner Center
Elderly bathroom attendant, finding a used tampon on the floor: Whoever did this, I hope she die! That shit is nasty! I hope her pooty fall out and she die!
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Leah Beirne
Hefty guy: No, I will not take pictures of a dead body… Not if it only died for a few hours.
–Target, Queens Blvd
Overheard by: barbat
Co-Worker on phone: If you do die 25 years ago, you don’t die now!–52nd & 5th
Proselytizer: Listen! Listen to me! You must abstain! Abstinence is the only way! I tell you the truth–if you have sex, you will get pregnant, you will get an STD, and you will die!–125th StOverheard by: slightly intrigued
Woman: You’re born, yadda yadda yadda…You learn how to type. You get clarity. And then, ya die.
–24th & 7th
Overheard by: Dennis
Compassionate man on cell: The kid died from an overdose…[laughs] But the kid died from a drug overdose. So it’s not my fault.
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Woman: So, did you hear so-and-so is getting married?
Man: Really? How does her fiancé feel about her being a lesbian?
Woman: She’s not a lesbian.
Man: Really? Does anybody else know that?
–Central Park Reservoir
Overheard by: Jill
Young woman: So you got any kids?
Older man: Nope, no kids.
Young woman: What about grandkids?
–1 Penn Plaza
Overheard by: Toastmaster
Man, to driver who has almost hit them: No turns on red, you fucking asshole!
Woman: Calm down. He’s from Virginia–he’s obviously an idiot.
–60th & Madison
Overheard by: Todd Garrin
Black woman: You’re my lawyer! Ain’t it your fucking job to take care of shit like this?! All you white people, controlling everything–you’re all incompetent! Fuckin’ white people!
White attorney: Sandra*, please calm down.
Black woman: Fuckin’ white people!
White attorney: Ma’am, speaking as a white person who happens to hold $379,000 of your money in escrow, may I suggest you stop cursing at us and calm down before I get up and take your checks with me?
Black woman: I will not calm down!!
White attorney gets up and leaves the room.
Woman’s husband: See what you did? You done upset the white man. I ain’t got no problem wit you cursin’ at crackahs, but why you gotta go and piss off the white man who got all our money?
–54th between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: Amused white intern
Man, waking up: What stop is this?
Fellow passenger: 125th Street
Man: What time is it?!
Fellow passenger: 8 o’clock.
Man: Oh dear God! [Runs off train]
–Uptown A train, 125th St
Hipster on cell: Yo, eggplant can be vegetarian, right?
–77th between 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Anonymous Ambivore
Middle-Aged woman: Damn vegetarians, always trying to take over the world.
–Starbucks, 51st & Broadway
Overheard by: Emaline
Girl: Are bums allowed to be vegetarian?
–Chipotle, 6th Ave between 21st & 22nd
Overheard by: Rabid-Panda
Guy: She’s vegetarian?! I thought she was an alcoholic?
–B7 bus
Shrewd observer: You’ve had way too much cock in your mouth to be vegan.
–Outside The Lucky Cat, 245 Grand St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Constintina
Shoeshine man to group of young people: It ain’t natural. Our bodies, they have the hormones to digest meat. If we were like a goat–and not to insult you, miss, ’cause you’re prettier than a goat–but then that’s okay that we don’t eat meat. But we ain’t. We’re carnivores. If you’re a vegetarian, you gotta listen to your body. It’s tellin’ you: “Meat me!” You know, like, “Meat me!”
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: jacqmander
Ghetto guy: She know she got a man, but she’ll still gimme some. She know that!
–7 train
Young woman, screaming at young man: I dare you to fuck someone else again! I dare you!… You better not fuck anyone else! You better not!
–Hoyt-Schermerhorn station, Brooklyn
Queer on cell: Since when has your gaping hole decided to be faithful to your boyfriend?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Keith
Walking VD: When I first met you seven months ago I was kinda in another relationship. But now that that’s over, wanna get back in bed?
–32nd & 7th
Cop: So I’m fucking his wife for 6 years, and now he complains!
–238th & Broadway
Overheard by: Miriam
Man to wife: …and I said, “What are you: a crackhead?!”
Young daughter: What’s a crackhead, Daddy?
Man: It’s someone that slipped and cracked their head.
Strung-out hobo walks by, asking for change.
Man: See, honey. He’s a crackhead.
–E Fordham Rd & Lorillard Pl, the Bronx
