Young woman: I heard this funny joke. A man comes home and his wife says “Your boss called and said that you were fired.” The man answers “Fuck him!”, and the woman says “I did, and now you have your job back.”
Woman's husband: I don't get it.
Eight-year-old son: C'mon dad, she made out with the boss!
–F Train
Woman, clearly winding up a long rant: …and that's why I don't need no fuckin' man in my life!
Toddler son: Mmmmmhmm, mommy.
–Fort Greene, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Katie Naum
Drunk woman to another: Well, I will see your divorce and raise you an illegitimate pregnancy!
–Court St & Atlantic Avenue, Brooklyn
Girl to super skinny girl: You look pregnant, I think I have a clothes hanger in my locker. You wanna come up and check with me?
–1st Ave & 3rd St
Dad holding baby to wife with another kid in stroller: Somebody's about to get pregnant up in here… It'll be like Maury Povich.
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: NOT the father
Dude on bus to child: See, women, they get to grow people. And in exchange, we get to pee standing up.
–Q64 Bus
Overheard by: a people-grower
Girl to friend: You always seem to get pregnant at the worst times.
–Queens Center Mall
Overheard by: Jenn
Girl to friend: I'm feeling fertile. Who's going to tend to that feeling for me?
–2 Train
Latino guy to friends: That's what my name means in Portuguese, "pregnancy test positive."
–84th Drive, Queens
Future soccer mom #1: Oh, our two-year-old's day care is very New York.
Future soccer mom #2: How so?
Future soccer mom #1: They have a yoga instructor in the afternoons and a French teacher comes at least once a week.
Future soccer mom #2: Well, that kind of exposure is important at that age.
–Greenwich Village
Overheard by: Izzy
Three-year-old boy: Mommy, I want a little brother, let's get one.
Mom: You can't just go to the store to get a baby.
Seven-year-old girl: I know where babies come from.
Mom: Oh, man!
Three-year-old boy: From where?
Seven-year-old girl: God. God made everything, people and animals.
Three-year-old boy: Who's god?
Seven-year-old girl: I don't know, some dead guy who lives in heaven.
–Riverbank State Park
Overheard by: Darin
Red haired teen: Aw, they're sold out! We're not gonna get to see the naked people!
Mom: Don't worry, honey, we'll see them another time.
–Outside Al Hirschfeld Theatre
Little girl to stray cat: Meow. Meowwwww!
Mother to stray cat, pulling the girl away: Woof! Woooof!
–Chinatown
Overheard by: Susan
Angry mom holding to seven-year-old daughter: It's fucking hot!
Seven-year-old daughter: It's okay, mom. It'll be okay.
–Rego Park, Queens
Mother to teenage burnout daughter, holding corn pops: I'm not buying these for you… they're like styrofoam!
Teenage burnout daughter, yelling down aisle: They're delicious! And I dreamed about them last night!
(mother puts cereal back into cart and dances to her cell phone ringtone)
–Gristedes, 168th St
Upset four-year-old girl, looking at tapestries of unicorns: But mom!
Mother: These are fakes, silly. There are no real unicorns here. We're not at a zoo!
–The Cloisters
Overheard by: Rebecca
