Teen #1: Yo, scar's a thug…
Teen #2: But he didn't even kill him! He pushed him off a motherfuckin' cliff!
Teen #1: And then he got trampled by some…wilda'beast or some shit.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Liz
Teen #1: Yo, scar's a thug…
Teen #2: But he didn't even kill him! He pushed him off a motherfuckin' cliff!
Teen #1: And then he got trampled by some…wilda'beast or some shit.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Liz
Middle aged lady on cell: Lots of people say Dallas is really nice. Lots of nice people, nice weather. What do you have against it?" (pause) That was in '63!
–M79
Party girl to cool guy: Why can't you let me be nice? I'm not nice to anyone.
–77th & York Ave
Overheard by: UES Suit
Flamboyantly gay guy to crowd of girls at Pinkberry: You know, I was just trying to do something nice, and this is how you treat me? Fuck y'all, I'm gonna be the next President. (storms off)
–St. Mark's
Overheard by: scarface
Garbage man to another: Man, Attica is the best prison. High class. That shit is nice!
–81st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: eliza
Suit on cell: I wonder what his wife is like. She's probably nice, but rich. You know what I mean.
–2nd Ave & 88th St
Woman on cell: Nice people just can't tell if they're pregnant.
–W Houston & Varick
Overheard by: courtney messer
(cabbie cuts bus off, both cab and bus are stopped at traffic light. Bus driver opens his window)
Bus driver: I'm gonna hit one of you! You know, it's my goal to hit one of you people before I retire, it really is–you almost just made it happen! You people gotta learn someday! (turns to passenger) We're allowed one accident per year. I'm saving all of mine for that.
–M15 Bus to South Ferry
Girl: Oh shit! A dime!
(a stoner boy steps on the dime as the girl goes to pick it up)
Girl: Hey, could you please move? Hey, you're stepping on a dime! Hey!
(boy drags foot forwards with dime under it, ignoring her)
Girl, trying to lift the boy's foot: Get off! Get off the dime! Jesus! Hey! You're stepping on a dime! Get off!
(boy slides forward again and the dime slips out. He continues sliding his feet towards a stairway)
Girl (holding up dime triumphantly): Yes! A dime! (pointing at boy) You! I will kill your family!
–Stuyvesant High
Overheard by: I love this school
Girl #1: It's like, I'd rather he got hit by a drunk driver than shot by an idiot!
Girl #2: That's true…
Girl #3 (coming out of stall): Plus, you get more money that way…
–Restroom, The Blarney Stone Bar
Overheard by: Chrissy
Susie: (singing)
Father: How old are you, Susie?
Susie: Nine.
Father: No…
Susie: Okay, I'm six.
Father: Do you want to live to be seven?
Susie: Mhmm…
Father: Then shut up.
–Post Office, 112th b/w Broadway & Amersterdam
Overheard by: Kristina
Angry suit chick on phone: No, I am your second bitch, but I still love you!
–41st St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: That guy has his hands full
Cute activist girl, after extended conversation about Kwame Kilpatrick: I mean, you can't just kill a bitch and expect no one to notice!
–LaGuardia Airport
NYU sudent: She's like one of those fabulous bitches though, you know?
–NYU Dorm
Overheard by: Me too Honey
Guy on cell: A dog show, like where you pick up bitches!
–23rd Ave, Queens
Overheard by: Xavier
College student to friend: I really want to bump into him. Condescending comes across so much better in person. (pause) And I can't wait to be a sarcastic bitch!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Pola
Ex-con to group of friends: I don't mean shit to a bitch! (looks over at a terrified hipstergirl next to him. He takes off his hat) I mean. I have very little value to most ladies.
–C Train
Overheard by: Tim Roth
Girl #1: What do you think?
Girl #2: Oh! He's kind of cute…except he looks kind of like a serial killer.
–Le Royale, West Village
Overheard by: Pierre Pierre
Headline by: Elise
Runners-Up:
· “Bloodstains Will Do That” – benji
· “Exactly What the Dexter Ads Were Aiming For” – Peter
· “Gossip Between Jurors at the Ted Bundy Trial” – ted bundy
· “OMG! If He Asks Me Out, I’ll Just Die!” – juls
· “The Hockey Mask Is a Nice Touch, Though.” – Sandy Paws
· “To Be Fair, She Said That About Almost Every Guy Tammy Set Her Up With Who Happened to Have a Swatstika Tattoo on His Forehead” – Rebecca Loeser
· “What With the Clown Make-up and All” – BabakganoosH
· “Why Girls Like Cats” – lucyconnuk
· “You Know, Kind Of a Lady Killer Type, Ya Know?” – c
Large man on payphone: I'm gonna kill her, man! I'm gonna fuckin' kill her! Then I'm gonna kill my cousin! I'm gonna go back to my house, kill that bitch, get my fuckin kittens, and kill my cousin! I want my kittens, man!
–SoHo
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
Father to kids: Which would you prefer, kitty casserole or puppy stew?
–72nd & Broadway
Suit: So one time I went into the bathroom and the cat was just like sitting on the toilet so I just unloaded on it. I told my roommate, like, "don't touch the cat" and then later I saw his girlfriend playing with it and hugging and kissing it. It was very funny.
–Downtown 6 Train
Upset-looking college student on cell: Ugh! My cat almost just died…and you're making this about your feelings?!
–Columbia Quad
Student: That's okay, I'll just eat my mom and fuck my cat.
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Toddlington
Student: Well, the situation in the essay is hopeless, you know? It's like finding a kitten in the subway and you want to take it with you because kittens just don't belong in the subway. But then you remember that you live in a building that doesn't allow pets and your roommate is allergic. So, your roommate is going to hate you and your landlord is going to evict you. I realize this is a bad example. I just really want a kitten.
–Eugene Lang College
Overheard by: Colleen
Child: What's in there? (points to dad's briefcase)
Dad: In here? Guns, people's heads…
Child: Cool!
–Uptown M16 Bus
