What Day Do the Wednesday One-Liners Come Out?

Patron: Do these stairs go up?

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Maura

Drunk White Sox fan to passerby: Hey, what time does Times Square close?

–Outside Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: giovanna

Dude at the next table: Is Long Island really an island?

–Peter Luger’s, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Yes, he really just said that

(girl sees poster for Army Wives and turns to friend)
Girl: I don’t get that show. Are they married to army dudes or something?

–C Train

Southern lady: Empire State ReBuilding? Does that mean they’re moving it?

–33rd & 5th

Overheard by: Katie Mainc

Posted on July 16, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Southerners, Stupidity, The Met, TV, Williamsburg, Women, Words, Yankee Stadium

Wednesday Pun-Liners

Global teacher, about review packet: You must look at my package in order to see what’s there!

–History Class, Bronx HS of Science

Overheard by: Lillian

Woman in business suit on cell: Yeah, work is crazy right now because I have a big release coming out next week. (pauses) That’s what he said.

–26th & Park

Overheard by: absnola

Lady in the audience: Which one is Patti LuPone?

–St. James Theater

Dorky older guy to female bank teller (smiling): I’ve got a really big deposit for you.
(teller looks down and starts laughing)

–Chase Bank, 24th & 7th

Overheard by: Joe

Timid Asian deli boy to deli owner: Excuse me, I don’t know how to do number two.

–Deli, Union Square

Black waiter to Asian female customer: Enjoy your black balls.

–Ninja, Hudson St

Posted on July 9, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Bank, Black People, Bronx Science, Classroom, Delis, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Food, Guys, Innuendo, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, Poop, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Theater, Theater & Dance, Union Square and East Village, Waiters, Women, Words

Carrie Bradshaw Sucks at Wednesday One-Liners

NYU girl to friend: I mean, I hate him and it’s making my hair fall out but I think our relationship really works.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Man to friend: She wanted to go to dinner on some kind of date shit. I wanna bring her to a bar and fuck her in the bathroom.

–G Train

Overheard by: Sarah

Fat chick to friends: I don’t know. He moved. We weren’t serious, you know? I mean how can you be serious with a man who wanted to move to an Indian reservation? (friends nod in approval) I mean why would you want to move to an Indian reservation anyway? It’s like the projects… but in camp.

–Casa Mono

Overheard by: foodie

Girl on cell: Oh, so you really like this one. (pause) That’s cool, where did he take you? (pause) Wow, he must be balling! That place is mad expensive, yo. (pause) What did you say his name was again? (pause, then hysterical laughing) Girl, I can’t take anyone named Skip-to-my-Lou seriously!

–32nd St & 5th Ave

Boyfriend to girlfriend: Well, if I get sick of you I’ll just find someone else!

–Movie Theater, 32nd & 8th

Overheard by: Happy I’m not his girlfriend.

Guy on train: Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention? Sorry for bothering you, but I’ve been single for a year, and that shit’s not popping… So, any donations of phone numbers, e-mail addresses, or MySpace pages would be greatly appreciated. Thank you and may god bless.

–C Train

Overheard by: gretchen

Posted on July 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hair, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Students, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Wishes & desires

Real Life Is Fuzzy by Comparison

Woman: You know, the only shots Beth* will take are jello shots. She loves them!
Friend: Oh, that’s hilarious.
Woman: I know, I mean she’s 93 years old and still hopping. She loves the high-def television.

–B.L.T Prime, E. 22nd St

Overheard by: cracking up by the coat check

Posted on July 6, 2008
Age/Aging, Default, Drinks, Friends, Gadgets, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Restaurants & Cafes, TV, Women

Color-Coordinated Wednesday One-Liners

Hipster on cell: Drunk dialing is the new black. Fuck you. Happy new year.

–House Party, Lorimer St

Overheard by: confabulation Nation

Redhead to friend: I swear we always have orange animals and they’re all called Renae.

–Central Park

Woman to man: There are many things to be sad about. The color of money being green isn’t one of them.

–90th & 1st

Overheard by: Sam

Sad suit: Their yogurt is just too white.

–Outside Pinkberry in Koreatown

Girl: Yeah, my pubes are pink.

–B1 Bus

Overheard by: Robert

Middle aged gay man: Alright! I like colored pens! There, I said it.

–42nd St

Posted on July 2, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Central Park, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Depressed, Food, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Grocery Stores, Hair, Hipsters, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Queer guys, Store, Suits, Upper East Side, Women

Which Is to Say, No One Got Dollywood.

Southern tourist child: Daddy, was Jesus Dolly Parton’s best friend too?
Southern tourist father: No, no one really loved Dolly Parton.

–34th & Lexington

Overheard by: Graham Davis

Posted on June 30, 2008
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Default, Friendship, Jesus, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Southerners

She Looks Kinda Tough Though

Girl #1: If you could eat anyone, who would it be?
Girl #2: Famous, or people we know?
Girl #1: Ummm… famous. And then people we know.
Girl #2: Gabrielle Reece.
Girl #1: Yeah, good call.

–Cafeteria, 18th & 7th

Posted on June 30, 2008
About Celebrities, Default, Girls, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Weirdness

Boys and Girls Are Different

Girl #1: God, I hate professional basketball. The other night I was hanging out with some guys and they were like: “The playoffs are on!” and I was like: “Yea, so is The Hills.”
Girl #2 (disgusted): Ugh, you watch that?
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: Actually, so do I.

–MJ Armstrong’s Public House

Posted on June 29, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Default, Gender issues, Girls, Gripes, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Sports, TV

What Have You Been Doing with Your Big Toe, Anyway?

Thug #1: It is on fire, I swear! I cannot walk around anymore.
Thug #2: Dude, just because it itches doesn’t mean it’s an STD.

–Observation Deck, Empire State Building

Overheard by: StrikeForceAwesome

Posted on June 29, 2008
Default, Empire State Building, Gripes, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Sensory Experiences, STDs, Thugs

Wednesday One-Liners Are in It for the 72 Virgins

Hobo: The best way to fight terrorism is not with guns and bombs, but with beer and porno. Beer and porno!

–34th & 3rd

Man walking a black terrier to woman walking a brown terrier: Do you think the word "terrorist" came from the word "terrier"?

–22nd & 2nd

Grand Central loudspeaker: Will Tommy the Terrorist please report to the information desk… Tommy the Terrorist please report to the information desk.

–Grand Central Food Court

Overheard by: Reilly

Black guy: How the fuck can you curse a stadium? With a shirt? How the fuck do you do that? Tell me how that’s done! Y’all warlocks and shit? Ain’t no one can curse no one else. Cause none of you are warlocks! And if you were a fucking warlock why you cursing the fucking Yankees? Fuck, why don’t we curse Bin Laden? Send him a shirt?

–Downtown E Train

Overheard by: Withnail

Mom to child: You’ll either become a terrorist or a smelly homeless person! (child lowers his head in shame)

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Passerby

Hobo: Bush is a terrorist. Him and his father blew up WTC. (looks at Asian man) Jackie Chan is my friend. When you go to Hong Kong, tell him I said hi.

–7 Train

Posted on June 25, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Clothing, Crazy, Drinking & Drunk People, Grand Central, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Men, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Porn, President, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sports, Terrorism, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, War, We Love Our Pets, Words

Murray Hill and Gramercy

Boys and Girls Are Different