Murray Hill and Gramercy

Around the World in Wednesday One-Liners

Dude: Mount Olympus is just, like, one giant trailer park.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Jessica

Guy: People in Vietnam are different than us.

–Park & 24th

Overheard by: Sabrina

Girl to friend: Say something in British, or wherever you're from… Switzerland!

–8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Larry

Supposedly well-traveled woman: But you know where I want to go next? Buenos Aires! They haven't changed to the Euro yet.

–3rd & B

Hipster: I'm going to punch Uzbekistan.

–West 42nd St

Hipster girl to boyfriend: People like you, you're the reason people die in Mexico!

–18th & 1st

Overheard by: Jessica

They're Calling It the I-man-culate Conception

Excited woman #1: Oh my god, how's your brother?
Excited woman #2: He's doing great, he just gave birth!
Excited woman #1: (shrieking) congratulations!

–29th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: voidoid

If You're Sober Enough to Remember All That, It's Time for Stiffer Drinks

(outside bar)
Guy #1: It's your round.
Guy #2: No, it's not! Remember… I bought the first round because Paris Hilton went to jail. Then you bought a round because LeBron James had a kid. Then I bought a round when we figured out that the US Open was in Pennsylvania!
Guy #1: You're right! This round's on me!

–33rd St & 3rd Ave

The Difference Between Delivery and DiGiorno

Female coworker: I would pay for it.
Male coworker: You are paying for it, they're just not putting it in.

–16th & 5th

Overheard by: Brownsvillegirl

And I’ve Completely Committed to the Role

ER doctor to bloody man with legs strapped to gurney: So, what’s going on here?
Patient: I’m a drunk.

–Bellevue Emergency Treatment Room

Overheard by: judith currin

I’m the Hippie Equivalent of Karl Rove

Short shaggy-haired guy: Hahaha, I know, right? (pause) Wait, I don’t get it.
Tall shaggy-haired guy: I don’t get it either, man. I just say stuff.

–3rd Ave b/w 14th & 15th

Where Fox Does Its Recruiting for Moment of Truth

(two guys coming out of the bar bathroom)
Guy #1: I’m taking another shot.
Guy #2: What have you got to lose? Pride? Fuck pride.
Guy #1: You’re right man.

–Bar, 35th & 3rd

The Creation of the Prostitution Merit Badge

(in front of national HQ of Girl Scouts of America)
Construction worker #1: Do you see all the rich marble they used on this building?
Construction worker #2: Yeah. They sure had to sell a lot of fuckin’ cookies to afford it.

–37th St b/w 5th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: dodgerswill

Headline by: C.J.

Runners-Up:
· “Actually, the United States Thin Mint Just Prints Them Money” – Lauren
· “I’ll Take 7,954,300,348,000 Boxes Of Thin Mints Please!” – Eino Hill
· “It’s Actually Constructed Of Stale Do-Si-Dos and the Corpses Of Girls Who Didn’t Reach Their Quota” – Matthew K. Johnson
· “The Building Was Funded by an Anonymous Benefactor, on the Condition That It Be Built on Sesame Street.” – James
· “The Reason They Added Heroin to Thin Mints” – ILOVEThinMints
· “Turning Tricks Is for Kids” – Qasar
· “You Should See the Boy Scouts Of America HQ… Don’t Ask What They Sold.” – fox

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Winers

Amazed thugette: You know you ain’t in the hood, ’cause it says "Wine & Spirits!"

–12th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Toto

Box office employee: I bought this really awesome bottle of wine and I was like: "Oh, I’m going to make really amazing pasta with vegetables and bullets in it and glass and blood and it’ll be fantastic." But then I didn’t.

–Pearl Theatre

Overheard by: Mariah

Middle aged white guy: Yeah, you can get cheap wine in Harlem, but who wants to get a massage there?

–Thai Restaurant

Belligerent toddler to mom making purchase: That’s not enough wine, mom! That’s not enough wiiiine!

–International Wine & Spirits, 113th & Broadway

Overheard by: McF

Hipster to his date: It’s like in the old DC Comics. Superman, you know, his weakness was Kryptonite, but there wasn’t just green Kryptonite. In the old DC Comics there was green, red, blue Kryptonite, all colors of the rainbow. Green Kryptonite killed him, but with the others, like, blue Kryptonite transferred his powers to someone else or something like that. Red turned him evil. All these different colors of Kryptonite had different properties. And that’s how wine is with me. Every glass of wine, I don’t know what I’m going to get… That analogy was not so great.

–Hope & Anchor Diner, Red Hook

Overheard by: AeC

Hey, Wednesday One-Liners Can Dream, Can’t They?

Old man: Hah! I fell asleep at her funeral!

–3rd Ave, b/w 10th & 11th

Overheard by: j

Man to woman: Hey you! You were in my dream last night. You, myself and a bunch of people in the office were having an orgy on a mattress right in front of our office. At first it was great, but then it became awkward because people kept walking into the office and we got in their way.

–34th St & 6th Ave

Man with French accent on cell: Do we have room for her, or will she have to sleep in the dungeon?

–32nd & Broadway

Overheard by: LC

(guy is woken up by a friend after falling asleep on the train)
Guy: You dude, why you wake me up! I was having the best dream. There was shorties everywhere. There was shorties in trees and shit!

–2 Train

Conductor: For all of you running late, we are being delayed by another train with the emergency break on. Or you could tell ’em you just slept in today.

–D Train

Overheard by: blistexaddict

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