Man: Yo mama, what you readin'?
College girl: Jazz, by Toni Morrison.
Man: Oh that's cool. What's it about?
College girl: Music.
Man: What kind of music? Is that about opera and shit?
College girl: Ummm…
–E Train
Overheard by: Is that like Britney's music?
Thug to baby momma: You see, what had happened was Zack Morris married Kelly Kaposki in Vegas.
Baby momma: That's what had happened?
Thug: Yeah, and then Kelly Kaposki changed her name and she stayed in Vegas.
–W. 117th & Lenox
Crazy hobo outside strip club: Good morning! (girl ignores him) I said "Good morning!" (girl keeps walking, not looking at him) Fine! I take it back!
–Broadway & 53rd St
Overheard by: JoBell
Bag lady to tourists: Hey, people! Welcome to New York City! Can you buy me a hot dog?
–Wall Street
Hobo: Hey! Can I borrow fifty million dollars for the weekend?!
–14th St
Hobo on train: Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention please! My name is Al, but you can caaaaaaaaalllllll me…homeless.
–L Train
Homeless guy: Hi everyone, my name is Eddie. Some people call me Homeless Ed, or Homeless for short. I know some of you hate homeless people. I didn't use to be homeless. I had a house, a job, and even a girlfriend. And my girlfriend had a girlfriend, so here I am.
–Uptown F Train
Lispy overweight hobo: Hey, sweetie! If I do some scenes from Days of Our Lives, will you help me out with two dollars?
–W 8th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Emily B.
(looking down at Washington Square Park's currently under-construction fountain)
Girl: Oh, is that where the World Trade Center used to be?
–Kimmel Center
Bensonhurst Italian guy on phone: I can't fuckin' wait for the Freedom Tower.
–Financial District
Suit on cell: Does anyone know where 9/11 is?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Jeffrey
Tourist: Is this the train to 9/11?
–R Train
Confused tourist (thinking he's looking at the WTC site): Will you look at that? They put a fucking graveyard in there! I mean, what the fuck?
–St. Paul's Church, Broadway & Fulton
Tourist: My favorite is my 9/11 Santa.
–Museum Shop, 53rd b/w 5th & 6th
Girl #1: What's D'Agostino's?
Girl #2: It's an Indian restaurant. I eat there all the time!
–10th St & University
Overheard by: Haley
Guy #1: The Caribbean? I would never move down there man. I mean you got all those hurricanes and shit.
Guy #2: You crazy man, you know Chi Chi Rodriguez lives down there?
Guy #1: Chi Chi lives down there?
Guy #2: Hells yeah, and you know it, with a name like Chi Chi you can’t go wrong.
Guy #1: (nods in agreement)
–Bank Line, 50th & 3rd
Overheard by: luigimen
Girl on cell (reading US Weekly): Hey, Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee were photographed together! That means there's still hope for me and that guy from the tattoo shop!
–Brookyln Diner, Times Square
Latina: What's with grandma keeping gettin' tattoos that show?
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Justin Case de Foodisbad
Chick to another: The only thing he better get tattooed on his butt is my name!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Angela
Guy to girlfriend: Does that guy over there have a picture of Kim Jong II tattooed on his shoulder? (pause) Or is that his kid? (pause) Cause that's fucked up!
–Brighton Beach
Overheard by: Not sure myself…
Girl: So I hooked up with this guy who had a prison tattoo of an eagle ripping up the communist manifesto. I was like: "God bless America," y'know?
–N train
Overheard by: amen
High school hipster #1: Dude, you know that guy Ray Simmons?
High school hipster #2: Who?
High school hipster #1: Ray Simmons, Ray Simmons. I dunno dude, the fucking guy from KISS.
High school hipster #3: Richard Simmons.
High school hipster #1: Yeah, that's it, Richard Simmons.
–Path Train to NYC
Overheard by: sweatin' to the oldies
Guy #1: So there I was, screwing my pillow in my sleep… Ya know, really bouncing the bed.
Guy #2: So… What? She didn’t like that?
Guy #1: Well, ya know, she woke me up and asked if I was alright. Ya know. I mean I was laying there with a boner you could break rocks with and all confused. That’s when I said “Where’s Julie?”
Guy #2: That’s freakin’ messed up, man!”
Guy #1: Yeah. Crap… That being her sister’s name and all.
Guy #2: I’m going to laugh my ass off over this. Did you tell her it was Julie Andrews?
Guy #1: Fuck! I didn’t want her to think I was a pervert or something.
–NYU
