Wednesday One-Liners Live in Upscale Packing Crates

Crazy hobo outside strip club: Good morning! (girl ignores him) I said "Good morning!" (girl keeps walking, not looking at him) Fine! I take it back!

–Broadway & 53rd St

Overheard by: JoBell

Bag lady to tourists: Hey, people! Welcome to New York City! Can you buy me a hot dog?

–Wall Street

Hobo: Hey! Can I borrow fifty million dollars for the weekend?!

–14th St

Hobo on train: Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention please! My name is Al, but you can caaaaaaaaalllllll me…homeless.

–L Train

Homeless guy: Hi everyone, my name is Eddie. Some people call me Homeless Ed, or Homeless for short. I know some of you hate homeless people. I didn't use to be homeless. I had a house, a job, and even a girlfriend. And my girlfriend had a girlfriend, so here I am.

–Uptown F Train

Lispy overweight hobo: Hey, sweetie! If I do some scenes from Days of Our Lives, will you help me out with two dollars?

–W 8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Emily B.

Posted on September 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Bars & Clubs, Crazies, Fat People, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Junk Food & Fast Food, Money & Class, Movies, Music, Names, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Panhandling, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, West Village

Wednesday One-Liners Still Aren't a Tourist Attraction

(looking down at Washington Square Park's currently under-construction fountain)
Girl: Oh, is that where the World Trade Center used to be?

–Kimmel Center

Bensonhurst Italian guy on phone: I can't fuckin' wait for the Freedom Tower.

–Financial District

Suit on cell: Does anyone know where 9/11 is?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Jeffrey

Tourist: Is this the train to 9/11?

–R Train

Confused tourist (thinking he's looking at the WTC site): Will you look at that? They put a fucking graveyard in there! I mean, what the fuck?

–St. Paul's Church, Broadway & Fulton

Tourist: My favorite is my 9/11 Santa.

–Museum Shop, 53rd b/w 5th & 6th

Posted on August 27, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Death, Directions, Girls, Ground Zero, Guidos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Museums, Names, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Questions, Stupidity, Suits, Times Square, Tourists, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Words

Like a Sacred Cow, I Graze Wherever I Go

Girl #1: What's D'Agostino's?
Girl #2: It's an Indian restaurant. I eat there all the time!

–10th St & University

Overheard by: Haley

Posted on August 11, 2008
Default, Ethnic Food, Friends, Girls, Names, Questions, Stupidity, The Village

So…Distinguished-Sounding

Guy #1: The Caribbean? I would never move down there man. I mean you got all those hurricanes and shit.
Guy #2: You crazy man, you know Chi Chi Rodriguez lives down there?
Guy #1: Chi Chi lives down there?
Guy #2: Hells yeah, and you know it, with a name like Chi Chi you can’t go wrong.
Guy #1: (nods in agreement)

–Bank Line, 50th & 3rd

Overheard by: luigimen

Posted on August 9, 2008
About Celebrities, Bank, Default, Global Geography, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Questions, Weather

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Be Buried in the Jewish Cemetery

Girl on cell (reading US Weekly): Hey, Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee were photographed together! That means there's still hope for me and that guy from the tattoo shop!

–Brookyln Diner, Times Square

Latina: What's with grandma keeping gettin' tattoos that show?

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Justin Case de Foodisbad

Chick to another: The only thing he better get tattooed on his butt is my name!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Angela

Guy to girlfriend: Does that guy over there have a picture of Kim Jong II tattooed on his shoulder? (pause) Or is that his kid? (pause) Cause that's fucked up!

–Brighton Beach

Overheard by: Not sure myself…

Girl: So I hooked up with this guy who had a prison tattoo of an eagle ripping up the communist manifesto. I was like: "God bless America," y'know?

–N train

Overheard by: amen

Posted on July 30, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Coney Island, Family Ties, Girls, Latinos, Names, On Cell, On the Subway, Pictures, Politics, Prison, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex & Relationships, Tattoos, Times Square, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Gene Simmons: What?! I Fucking Quit!

High school hipster #1: Dude, you know that guy Ray Simmons?
High school hipster #2: Who?
High school hipster #1: Ray Simmons, Ray Simmons. I dunno dude, the fucking guy from KISS.
High school hipster #3: Richard Simmons.
High school hipster #1: Yeah, that's it, Richard Simmons.

–Path Train to NYC

Overheard by: sweatin' to the oldies

Posted on July 29, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Hipsters, Music, Names, Questions, Students, Teens, Trains Not Subway

Miss Wetter and Mr. Beaver Got Off to a Rocky Start

Girl #1: She wouldn’t even take his name?
Girl #2: And she even refused to hyphenate? That’s ridiculous!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Noelle

Posted on July 22, 2008
Default, Girls, Marriage, Names, Questions

Hey, the One Thing Gays and Straights Agree on Is Julie Andrews

Guy #1: So there I was, screwing my pillow in my sleep… Ya know, really bouncing the bed.
Guy #2: So… What? She didn’t like that?
Guy #1: Well, ya know, she woke me up and asked if I was alright. Ya know. I mean I was laying there with a boner you could break rocks with and all confused. That’s when I said “Where’s Julie?”
Guy #2: That’s freakin’ messed up, man!”
Guy #1: Yeah. Crap… That being her sister’s name and all.
Guy #2: I’m going to laugh my ass off over this. Did you tell her it was Julie Andrews?
Guy #1: Fuck! I didn’t want her to think I was a pervert or something.

–NYU

Posted on July 20, 2008
About Celebrities, Default, Family Ties, Guys, Laughter, Names, NYU, Questions, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Winers

Amazed thugette: You know you ain’t in the hood, ’cause it says "Wine & Spirits!"

–12th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Toto

Box office employee: I bought this really awesome bottle of wine and I was like: "Oh, I’m going to make really amazing pasta with vegetables and bullets in it and glass and blood and it’ll be fantastic." But then I didn’t.

–Pearl Theatre

Overheard by: Mariah

Middle aged white guy: Yeah, you can get cheap wine in Harlem, but who wants to get a massage there?

–Thai Restaurant

Belligerent toddler to mom making purchase: That’s not enough wine, mom! That’s not enough wiiiine!

–International Wine & Spirits, 113th & Broadway

Overheard by: McF

Hipster to his date: It’s like in the old DC Comics. Superman, you know, his weakness was Kryptonite, but there wasn’t just green Kryptonite. In the old DC Comics there was green, red, blue Kryptonite, all colors of the rainbow. Green Kryptonite killed him, but with the others, like, blue Kryptonite transferred his powers to someone else or something like that. Red turned him evil. All these different colors of Kryptonite had different properties. And that’s how wine is with me. Every glass of wine, I don’t know what I’m going to get… That analogy was not so great.

–Hope & Anchor Diner, Red Hook

Overheard by: AeC