Customer: I'd like a footlong meatball sub on wheat.
Manager: What would you like on your balls, sir?
–Subway Restaurant
Overheard by: Mondoman
Customer: I'd like a footlong meatball sub on wheat.
Manager: What would you like on your balls, sir?
–Subway Restaurant
Overheard by: Mondoman
Drunk hobo: You guys are attractive. You got the hair thing going on and you have the sideburns working for you. (flexes biceps)
Teenage boys: Ummm… Thanks.
Drunk hobo: Guys… listen. Guys… birds of a feather fly together. Birds of a feather fly together. You don't see seagulls flying with pigeons or pigeons flying with seagulls. Birds of a feather fly together! You guys have any money?
(they give him some change, he walks away)
Sketchy man overlooking: Wow… that guy was crazy. Do you kids want some weed or some blow?
–Sitting Area, 48th & 8th
Overheard by: Brendan
Indian counter-person #1 to girl buying beer: Do you want a straw?
Girl: No, thanks.
Indian counter-person #2: I hear you get more fucked up if you drink it from a straw.
–Spring & Mott
Overheard by: Clannah
Old hobo sitting on sidewalk to grad student: Hey man! You want some cocaine?
Grad student: No, thanks man.
Old hobo: Alright, have a good night.
Grad student: You too.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: tee hee :)
Mother to two-year old son: Zachary, I am not continuing this discussion with you all day long! If you don't like what's in your mouth, just spit it out!
–Dunkin' Donuts
Nerdy Jewish Barnard girl on cell: I can just imagine it in my mouth, the taste of it.
–116th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Sully
Young boy running with soaked t-shirt: I need to be squirted! Somebody has to squirt me!
–89th St
Father to young daughter: Want me to squirt it in your mouth?
–Astoria
Overheard by: Mark
Foxy Fox news producer to another: I know you wanted something hard, so I slipped you Shively!
–Starbucks
Bible flier girl: Would you like a pamphlet to read about the good news of god?
Blind guy with walking stick: It's in Braille?
Bible flier girl: Oh, umm, no it's not.
Blind guy: You've got to be kidding.
–32nd & 7th
Overheard by: The WC
Horny boy #1: Dude, when a girl asks for an ass massage she's totally asking for sex!
Horny boy #2: I know, man! I'd be pissed, too.
–Bleecker St
20-something dude with lame Bret Michaels bandana: Come on babe, let me walk you home. Actually, fuck it, come over and watch a movie with me, I got some beer.
Unattractive older blonde: Nah, can't, I've got work in the morning, and I'm already wasted.
20-something dude with lame Bret Michaels bandana: Aw, you know I'll get you up as early as you need to get to work on time. You know I will. Plus, I'm pretty drunk, but I'm your cousin, so you don't even have to worry that I'll try to stick my wiener in you!
Unattractive older blonde: Well, alright.
–Grassroots Tavern, East Village
Lady to cashier: Can you front me a slice 'til I get my check?
Cashier: Sorry, no.
Lady: C'mon, man. I come here all the time.
Cashier: Yeah, so?
Lady: Man, you suck. You don't know what it's like. I have to buy Pampers and food and crack.
–Pizzeria, Harlem
Overheard by: Rufio
Guy holding baking mix: Excuse me, where's the vegetable oil?
Employee: We don't have vegetable oil, but I think canola oil should work fine with that.
Guy, sarcastically: Oh, you think canola oil would work?
–Trader Joe's, 14th St
