Four-year old girl: Everyone can lay on me!
Four-year old boy: Oh, how lovely!
–Wave Hill, Bronx
Four-year old girl: Everyone can lay on me!
Four-year old boy: Oh, how lovely!
–Wave Hill, Bronx
(old man with granddaughters talking to young man next to him)
Old man: Do you think these girls are pretty?
Young man: Sure, they're pretty.
Old man: Should you like to go on a date with one of them?
Young man: I'm gay.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Brooklynisbetter
Girl on cell passing by: That sounds great, honey, but there is no possible reason you'd need to shove an entire lime in the garbage disposal.
–Lafayette & Houston
(tourist lady eats banana)
Ferry bag lady: Why are you eating that banana? You know it's not healthy for you. They say you need potassium but you don't need no potassium. You don't want no banana, it's nasty and mushy. Throw it out. Throw out that banana. You don't want no nasty mushy banana.
(bug-eyed tourist lady continues to eat banana)
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Five-year-old girl, sitting in the grocery cart next to her twin sister, as their mother pushes them around the store: You're squishing me like a pineapple! You're squishing me like a pineapple, I said!
–9th St Market
Overheard by: Elle Woods (Chelsea Huckabay)
Old man with Boston accent to prepubescent boy: Squirt that in your nose and it's like you have a blueberry bush.
–42nd & 5th
Overheard by: Anniemal
20-year-old bakery chick: I was in Brooklyn yesterday on 18th Ave. There were three Mexicans on bikes. One was dressed like a banana. So then I walked up to him and I was like: "Dude, you're dressed like a banana and you're on a bike, that's awesome. Can I take a picture of you?"
–Bakery, Staten Island
Overheard by: Traci Cuccurullo
Loud girl: I never wash my fruit! I eat things that have fallen on the floor! And that's why I don't have allergies!
–375 Hudson St.
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Conductor: Put your purse inside the train. I said: "purse inside the train." Inside the train, that's no real Chanel!
–E Train
Overheard by: cran
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are going to be delayed for a couple of minutes, the wheels keep slipping. We aren't working with the best equipment here.
–LIRR
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are sorry for the inconvenience and the delays. While expressing your dislike for the inconvenience, please do not curse, spit, or throw things at the conductor and train crew.
–V-train
Conductor: Keep on moving, don't block the aisles… Keep on moving, don't block the aisles… There's plenty of empty seats in the back cars. Don't just stare at the people next to you.
–Metro North Train
Conductor: Uptown! Uptown! Uptown express! You know where I'm going! Don't pretend like you don't know where I'm going!
–4 Train
Overheard by: Jamie
Conductor: Please walk forward for more seats. The front of the train is empty. It's like the freaking promised land up here!
–NJ Transit
Conductor, over loudspeaker: This is the A train making local stops on the F line. Next stop, who knows!?
–A Train
Overheard by: Schechter
Teenage hipster to friend: Oh look, it's the Hannah Montana lip gloss I stole from a little kid!
–Uptown F Train
Overheard by: Joy
Big thug: Hey man, I'm not gonna even lie: selling candy on the train keeps me from robbing and stealing from most of ya on the train today… Hook a nigga up!
–2 Train
Overheard by: Cashiem Evans (da mad blogger)
Schoolgirl dressing down another: You took the whole backpack? Why didn't you just take what you needed to steal and leave the bag there?
–DeKalb & Clermont, Clinton Hill
Overheard by: Morning Glory
Lady on cell: So you know what happened? He stole my deodorant, and you know what was under it? My hundred dollars!
–Metro-North, 125th St Station
Overheard by: That must be some expensive deodorant
Woman yelling into cell: Don't rob them, they're Danish!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Tina
Thug on cell: Wait, so you said you needed something for herpes? (pause) I said, you need something for your herpes? (pause) Well, I smoked a little before I came over here…
–Harlem Rite Aid
Man: Your wife! Your wife! Richard Dawkins is gonna get herpes from your wife!
–French Roast, 86th & Broadway
Overheard by: zdog
Girl on cell wearing a Puerto Rican flag bandana: I dunno, I mean, I just can't keep doing this. I don't want to get herpes again.
–Bleecker & Mercer
Overheard by: JLief
Girl on subway to friend: I've never looked at you and thought you looked like you had herpes.
–E Train
Mother to tween daughter, ecstatically hugging friend: Remember, girls: No sharing saliva. That's how you get herpes and ruin your summer.
–3rd & 92nd
Overheard by: rebecca
Man handing out free demos: You want a CD? It's free! It's really good! It's me! (passersby ignore him) Fine, but when I die you cannot wear a t-shirt with my face on it!
–Broadway
Overheard by: porkchop sandwiches
Guy promoting comedy club: It costs less than a movie and we'll get you drunk!
–7th & 40th
Overheard by: Erin
Guy at stall: We're slashing prices today! Today's the anniversary of Lorena Bobbit!
–Street Fair, Washington Square North
Guy selling perfume: Ladies, buy one and get my number free!
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: Denah
Man advertising standup comedy event: Comedy and alcohol for all you miserable bastards out there!
–Broadway
Man selling tickets to a comedy club: I hate my job! Come get drunk! Sell tickets! Sell tickets! Drinks! Drunk! Come get druuuunk!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Kate
Man on cell: Do you have any (quieter and mumbled) bagms? (pause, more intense) Do you have any (mumbled)? (one word at a time) Weed! Weed! Do you have any weeeed? (pause) No? Nothing? Well you're not much of a drug dealer then, are you?
–77th St & 3rd Ave, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Overheard by: fet
Hipster: …becoming a teacher and then getting arrested for marijuana possession in South Korea.
–L Train
Overheard by: paola
Boy running by: They're playing frisbee! I have to roll a joint!
–Pratt Institute
Teenage girl to guy with long hair and long beard in a tie-dye shirt: You look like you could be some kind of famous stoner.
–L Train
Mother to seven-year-old son (angrily): Don't you ever tell anyone else at school that I smoke marijuana! I'll go to jail and you'll be dead! (suddenly calm) It is, however, something I personally believe people should have a right to do.
–M102 Bus
Redneck guy: Hey, got an extra cigarette?
Hipster guy with hipster girl next to him: No, sorry man.
Redneck guy: Well, can I fuck her then?
–43rd & 7th
Overheard by: no, she's mine
Long Island lady #1: Okay. I get what he's doing now. I'm moving on to the landscapes. Join me when you're done.
Long Island lady #2 (still entranced): Um. Yes. Yes, I'm done too.
–Nude Room, Gustave Courbet Exhibit, Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Colleen