Spike Lee Encourages You to Get on the Wednesday One-Liners

Bus driver: Next stop… Moheegan Sun–I mean 5th Avenue.

–Crosstown 86th Bus

Chinatown bus driver: Does anyone know how to get to Chinatown?

–Chinatown Bus

Bus driver: Utopia, transfer to the… Hmmm, the Q, the Q, the Q tres y uno. For all you Americans that’s the Q31.

–Q46 Bus

Bus driver as bus approaches 7th Ave: Next stop is 8th ave… or Broadway… or whatever street this is.

–M27 Bus

Overheard by: JoBell

Bus driver: Can you people please move back? It’s really crowded on here, you might find your future wife or something.

–48 Bus, Staten Island

Overheard by: Patricia!

Cranky bus driver on extremely crowded bus: This is Central Park West, get off. I mean, have a nice day!

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: Cori

Posted on July 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus Drivers, Chinatown, Directions, Languages, Manhattan, Nicknames & name calling, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Queens, Questions, Staten Island, Weirdness

Joan Rivers: Can We Wednesday One-Liner?

Suit on cell: So what does he think, he’s going to, like, eat scrambled eggs with these people and then they’ll sit down and talk about it?

–Shore Road, Brooklyn

Yankee fan: So, we was talkin’ to him and we was all like: "Let’s go to a bar!" And he was all like: "I like poetry" so the guys pretty much ditched him, so I was left with ‘im, and had to talk about his feelings and shit. It sucked.

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: I like poetry.

Religious flier nut to friend: We can’t talk about that out here because then they’ll know what we’re about.

–Delancey and Ludlow

Overheard by: Adrienne

Student (shouting): Okay, everyone: I’m doing this whole "day of silence" business so none of you better talk to me! I’m not supposed to say anything and I will be so pissed if anyone of you trick me into talking!

–Millennium High School

Overheard by: I’m staying silent…

Hysterical teenage girl on bus: Well, maybe you should have talked about it before you conceived me!

–M34 Bus

Overheard by: nina

Curly-haired chick on cell: I’m glad I can talk to you about my pubes with such ease.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Nipples McFreaky

Posted on July 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Etiquette, Fast Times at New York High, Fears, Flyer people, Food, Friendship, Girls, God Squad, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Leisure, Lower East Side, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Private Parts, Questions, Suits, Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Yankee Stadium

Let’s Talk About Wednesday One-Liner, Baby

Serious tween girl: I wanna get my braces off. I’ll be able to chew gum and be sexually active.

–1 Train

Old Italian man to young, really drunk Asian date outside of a restaurant: So, you wanna eat or you wanna fuck?

–17th & 7th

20-something girl on cell: So we get done and he’s like: "That was amazing. I don’t even want to know where you learned to do that." Is that a rhetorical question? Seriously, am I supposed to answer that?

–LIRR

Girl to friend: But I didn’t mean to have sex with him!

–Washington Square Park

Hot bald guy: I would have thought hurried bathroom-floor sex to have little ambiguity.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Woman to mailman: I never reported my mailman, and I was banging him!

–68th St b/w Lexington & Park Avenue

Posted on July 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compliments, Food, Girls, Guys, Italians, Men, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Trains Not Subway, Tweens, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Women

Why James Dean Wouldn’t Be Able to Get Laid Today

Punk girl: Can I get a cigarette?
Punk boy: You don’t smoke, do you?
Punk girl: No.
Punk boy: You just wanted a fucking excuse to talk to me, didn’t you?
Punk girl: Not anymore, arrogant cocksucker. (walks away)
Punk boy: Wait! I changed my mind! Come back, I have a cigarette!

–St Mark’s Place

Posted on July 8, 2008
Boys, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Insults, Offers and requests, Punks, Questions, Smokers & Smoking, Smoking, Union Square and East Village

The Don’t-Go-Commando-in-Borrowed-Clothes Rule

Preppy girl: Come on, you have to go with us.
Athletic girl: I can’t, remember I don’t have a bra on and I have Lynn’s shirt.

–Cafeteria, Queens College

Overheard by: Waiting for time to pass.

Posted on July 8, 2008
Clothing, Default, Girls, Offers and requests, Preppies, Queens, Queens College, Restaurants & Cafes

Affirmations for Stupid People Causes More Trouble

(guy runs by, slams into black girl on his way to make his train)
Black girl: Excuuuuuuuse you!
Guy: I’m on fire!

–L Train

Overheard by: clitoris rex

Posted on July 7, 2008
Apologies, Black People, Default, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, Weirdness

Raise Your Hand If You Wish You’d Been There

20-something tall black bellhop: I challenge you, right now, to a salsa dance-off.
70-year-old short Latino bellhop: Go get a radio.

–Peninsula Hotel

Overheard by: Carol

Posted on July 6, 2008
Black People, Coworkers, Dancing, Default, Hotels, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Offers and requests, Old People

Then She Barks at Me and Pees on the Cardboard

Very drunk, seemingly homeless man with cane (to entire car): Merry Christmas, happy Hannukah, everyone!
(everyone in car stares)
Drunk man: I’m not homeless, I’m just very drunk. I got a woman at home who ain’t got no job and I keep telling her, bitch, get outta my house and get a job!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Melissa Sills

Posted on July 5, 2008
Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Holidays, Jobs & Careers, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Relationships

She Also Requires a Full Medical History and Recent Bank Statement

(white girl walks past group of black guys)
Black guy #1: Crimes? Crimes? You wanna do some crimes?
Black guy #2: Nah man, you gotta have a computer to do crimes with her.

–4th St & Ave A

Posted on July 4, 2008
Black People, Computer, Crime and Punishment, Default, Guys, Offers and requests, Union Square and East Village, Words

Two Girls, One Stradivarius Probably Isn’t Appropriate, Then

Woman: Do you have any books on violins?
Sales guy: Well, we don’t have a lot about playing them, but we have some about the sensuality of it.
Woman: It’s for a child.
Sales guy: Oh.

–Borders, 57th & Park Ave

Posted on July 3, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Books & Writing, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Default, Guys, Instruments, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Questions, Sexuality, Store, Women

Offers and requests

Affirmations for Stupid People Causes More Trouble