Girl #1, getting off the Newark express bus: It's so good to be home.
Girl #2, after walking away from crowd: Stop pretending that you live here!
Girl #1: But it's fun!
–41st & Broadway
Overheard by: really does live here
Girl #1, getting off the Newark express bus: It's so good to be home.
Girl #2, after walking away from crowd: Stop pretending that you live here!
Girl #1: But it's fun!
–41st & Broadway
Overheard by: really does live here
Bus rider, after bus detours: Hey, I wanted to get off at 106th! [Driver is silent. Passenger approaches him angrily.] Did you hear me? I want to get off this bus. Now! [Driver still silent.] Let me off this bus!
Bus driver: I’m gonna stop this bus when I feel like stoppin’ this bus, and then you are going to walk back to wherever you need to walk back to! I’m late and I ain’t stoppin’!
Tamer rider minutes later, 12 blocks since last stop: Can you please tell us when you might be stopping this bus again?
Bus driver: [Silence.]
–Bus #104, 108th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Humored Midwest tourist
Stoner #1: So this fucking idiot was like, “Communism is the way, comrade.” And I was like, “Okay then, give me your shirt.” And he was like, “What, man?” And I was like, “If everything’s fifty-fifty, let’s just switch shirts for the day.”
Stoner #2: What’d he say then?
Stoner #1: He was like, “You got me, comrade. I need to think this one over.” And I was like, “Fuck yeah, you communist fuck.” Yeah, I told that guy all right.
–Bus to Port Authority
Overheard by: Cary Gitter
Very heavy ten-year-old boy, yelling excitedly: I heard they have bacon flavored popcorn in Florida! I love the south!
–Flushing, Queens
Hipster girl on cell: The entire state of Mississippi isn't a complete waste of space, even though it seems like it right now.
–Atlantic & Smith, Brooklyn Heights
Wino, grabbing can of beer: Here's 15 cents. I'll get the rest of it for you today. I promise! I'm from Georgia, I know how this shit works!
–Deli at 33rd & 7th
Overheard by: EthanK
Loud girl to friend: Maria? Maria's not dead, Maria's in Virginia?
–BxM10 Bus
Overheard by: bxgirl
Girl to boyfriend: I mean, when someone says they're throwing an "Iowa State Fair"-themed wedding, you don't think twice about going!
–30th Ave, Astoria
Little blond boy pointing to graffiti on bus seat: What does that say?
Mom: I don’t know… It was written by someone with really bad handwriting.
–72nd Crosstown bus
Girl #1: I will kill all of your firstborns!
Girl #2: All of them?
–Megabus, Penn Station
Overheard by: Lisa
Chick: I really have a thing for my TA. I think he’s into me. Like, he’s giving off all these signs.
Dude: You should totally go up to him and ask if you can see his wood.
Chick: You know, I’ve done something like that before.
–NYU Route B bus
Overheard by: crackin’ up
Prep school boy #1: I’m reading The Invisible Man, but I’m really disappointed.
Prep school boy #2: Really?
Prep school boy #1: Yeah, I mean, he’s not really invisible, you know?
Prep school boy #2: He’s not?
Prep school boy #1: No, he’s just black.
–96 Crosstown bus
Guy #1: Okay…Wow…This one time in Madison I was so drunk…I was trying to get this sorority girl to come home with me and she said she would if I got rid of her ex-boyfriend (he was hanging out with us.) That’s all I remember from that night! I woke up the next morning, in bed, soaking wet, with a pulled groin muscle and scrapes all over my knees and elbows!
Guy #2: What the fuck?
Guy #1: Yeah! I had to ask around to find out what happened. Apparently, I sorta, uh, fell in the lake in Madison–I pulled my groin muscle there–then I pulled myself out and crawled home on hands and knees since I couldn’t walk.
Guy #2: What…the fuck…?
–B1 bus
Overheard by: Justin Fores
Bus driver: Good morning passengers! You may have heard recently that bus drivers have been put on a diet to make them nicer and more helpful. Now this doctor has told me, “No more bacon and eggs, but a nice bowl of oatmeal. Oh, and lots of water, fruit. And instead of stopping for some pork fried rice in the afternoon, with chicken wings, a nice piece of flounder, maybe with some butter and herbs.” Now it's been 15 days, and I am so much more polite to passengers, saying “Good morning. How do you do?” I'm even nicer to mama when she gets home. Helpin' her with her carriage and bags; lowering the bus for people at the curb. So I just want to thank you and let you know to bear with me for another 15 days. Thank you and have a nice day.
–B61 Bus
Overheard by: I should have eaten breakfast
