Wasted Columbia kid: Hey, did you just go to the game?
Sober Columbia girl: Yup.
Wasted Columbia kid: Me too! (pause) Who won?
–1 Train
Wasted Columbia kid: Hey, did you just go to the game?
Sober Columbia girl: Yup.
Wasted Columbia kid: Me too! (pause) Who won?
–1 Train
College girl #1, in crowded train: So is graduate school just like regular college? Like, once you get in, you're good and don't have to do any work?
College girl #2: Pretty much, I do whatever I want… it's great!
–1 Train
College dude in enthusiastic conversation: I would totally be a cat-sniffer.
–113th St & Broadway
Tall man in heavy German accent: What do you mean the cat can't take a poopy because it is too loud?
–2 Train
Overheard by: Anna
Flaky professional girl: I hate when people are like, "hey, look at that dead bird! Hey, look at that dead cat!" because god, I always look first!
–42nd & 6th
Overheard by: amalthya
Girl on cell: Now you need to marry him for the discounted cat food!
–10th st & 1st Ave
Girl on cell: You told me that bitch was dead, but I just saw her in Key Food.
–Williamsburg
Middle school girl: No, he wasn't dead, but you'll never guess what happened.
–Penn Station
Man on phone: No! No! Do you hear me!? Listen! It's time to die!
–33rd & Broadway
Overheard by: J Harmony
Man on cell: I went back into the room 30 minutes later and he was still breathing! What are we going to do?
–8th & 34th
Overheard by: Bret B
Adorable three-year-old girl to mother: When I die you can have all of my shiny stuff!
–Uptown A Train
Overheard by: The Green Cat
Teenage boy, explaining why he joined the Air Force: We've been around since World War II. We fought against the Germans and sank several submarines. We also killed a whale, but that's not the point.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
20-something dude to friend: Ma-fucking-rines! The Marines! Man, I'ma join up, be a Marine, and go all over the world, fuck, and have babies. I'ma get laid and have a baby in every country: Spain, France… even Pakistan!
–50th & 8th
Overheard by: camillia*
Little boy in army fatigues hiding behind fallen tree: Pow! Pow! Look, mommy! It's the Battle of the Bulge!
–St. Mark's
Lady with Russian accent to salesperson in outerwear section: I don't like the style, it's not feminine. It's like for soldiers, or Chinese people.
–Lord & Taylor, 39th St
Overheard by: mira
Off-duty MTA worker to another: Britain? Whatever man, we beat they ass with… muskets and shit!
–6 Train
Young woman: I want to see it when they give the Yankees the keys to the city.
Thug boyfriend: Okay.
Young woman: What do the keys open?
Thug boyfriend: It's just, like, a statue and shit.
Young woman: Oh, I thought they all got a turn trying to open the vault at the bank, and one of the keys works.
Thug boyfriend: You dumb bitch. That's The Price Is Right, not The World Series!
–E Train
30-something babe, seconds before stop: I'm so happy.
40-something metrosexual: I know, it shows.
(she gets up)
40-something metrosexual: Yeah, when you ignore me on the train it's always a good sign.
–F Train
Teeny tiny gay guy: I used to be so skinny in high school.
–Staten Island
Teenage girl to another: I mean, why bother to eat anything if you're just gonna shit it all out?
–L Train
Woman carrying baby to friend: Also, I burn an extra 500 calories a day just by breastfeeding!
–5th Ave & 16th St
Overheard by: Tracy
20-something guy, about Sour Patch Kids gummy candy: They're fat-free, so they're good for you!
–4 Train
Six-year-old girl, eating bagel: All of the fat from this is going to go straight to my ass!
–A Train
Overheard by: that's just great
Hipster: Ugh, my mom keeps forgetting to deposit my unemployment check.
–Williamsburg
Shouting hipster: I tripped over a Mexican!
–Spring St
Overheard by: Brigdh
Hipster girl to guy she is sitting with at the bar: I should have let you cum on my bedspread.
–5th Ave & Bergen, Brooklyn
Dozing hipster, muttering in his sleep: That's what she said.
–G Train
Overheard by: Sunny
Upset hipster chick to friends: So now that my brother's going to college,they're not going to pay my rent anymore. I told my mom, "I'm twenty-five, I pay all my other bills on time, I haven't done anything wrong!"
–Union Pool, Williamsburg
Hobo: Can you spare some change? Selfish fucking morons! Can you spare some change? Selfish fucking morons! Can you spare some change? I love you.
–Broadway & 9th St
Hobo to everyone on train: Stand clear the closing doors, ladies and gentlemen. Please watch the gap between the train and the platform. Walk over it, not in it. Your safety is my number one priority because: without you, I don't eat.
–4 Train
Crazy hobo to man: I don't want your change. I want that! (points to man's crotch)
–F Train
Hobo: Can you spare me 600,000 dollars?
–Broadway & 97th St
Overheard by: Martijn H
Drunk hobo to restaurant owner: Oh, man, I've missed you! You haven't cursed me out in forever!
–Restaurant, Ave A & 7th St
Overheard by: Tigertail
