“This One Time, at Wednesday One-Liner Camp…”

Angry man on cell: He was a porn star, not a pianist.

–Outside Fairway, 72nd St

Goth chick on cell: We're inside. Yeah, she's playing "Creep" on a ukulele. No, I'm serious!

–Spiegelworld

Art student: I did some acid and they made me play with a guitar, but it felt like plastic and it sounded like cheese!

–Pratt Institute

Tall drummer girl: This is why I love you guys. When the drumline goes on break, they're like, "let's play some more!" When you guys go on break, you're like, "let's explore each others' bodies!"

–Pathmark

Overheard by: Another band geek

30-something African American woman: Mmm-hmm. He playin' her ass like a violin!

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: KTizzle

Posted on December 16, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, College, Compare/Contrast, Food, Goths, Grocery Stores, Hard Drugs, Instruments, Jobs & Careers, Men, Music, Musicians, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Porn, Port Authority, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Singing, Street, Students, Theater, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-liners Film Their Own

Jogging lady: Look, I know you don’t like porn. However—

–Prospect Park

Posted on November 28, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Porn, Women

It Deserves a Hand.

Blonde #1: So my seventy-year-old father-in-law looks at porn!
Blonde #2: So what?
Blonde #3: Yeah, that just means he's a heterosexual guy.
Blonde #1: But that totally changes my opinion about moving into their place when we sell ours. I don't even want to touch his mouse!
Blonde #3: I'm sure he doesn't use the same hand.
Blonde #2: Yeah, you don't switch off like that.
Blonde #3: Yeah, he probably mouses with the right hand and jerks it with the left!
(silence)
Blonde #2: That was the best thing I've ever heard.

–105th St & Broadway

Posted on November 13, 2014
Age/Aging, Body Parts, Compliments, Computer, Family Ties, Girls, Masturbation, Porn, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires

The Best Reason Not to Document Your Exploits

Ghetto gay boy: So Sophia* got some video of her on the internet givin' head to her ex man.
Not so ghetto gay boy: Yeah? That sucks.
Ghetto gay boy: Yeah, I told her yo, you better not let your son see that shit.

–Norman Ave, Greenpoint

Overheard by: Why would he be looking?

Posted on November 8, 2014
BJs, Boys, Brooklyn, Internet, Parents, Porn, Queer guys

I Think I Love You

Woman: Hey! Hey! I know who started the fight! You wanna know?!
Cop: Yeah, sure.
Woman: Actually, I don’t know. Hahaha. I’m going home right now to watch porn, I don’t even care! Haha.
Cop: Wow.

–Broad and Bay, Staten Island

Overheard by: Brandi

Posted on October 28, 2014
Cops, Default, Fighting and ass kicking, Offers and requests, Porn, Questions, Staten Island, Weirdness, Women

He Did What He Loved, and the Money Just Followed

Gay suit #1: So did you hear that he got a new apartment?
Gay suit #2: No!
Gay suit #1: I'd say it's the house that porn built.

–Chelsea

Posted on October 17, 2014
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Home, Sweet Home, Porn, Queer guys, Questions, Suits

The Black Flag is at Half-mast

Guy #1: You do such dumb shit.
Guy #2: I do not.
Guy #1: Well, what about that E-trades tattoo on your leg?
Guy #2: I’m hardcore!

–1 train

Chick: Sell-out by day…
Suit: Shut up, okay? Whatever pays the bills.

–CBGBs, The Bowery

Overheard by: Sarah Royal

Drunk guy on cell: Dude, that’s crap, you gotta live hardcore!

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Kate Elizabeth

Teen girl: Man this sucks. Where are all the punks?

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: Mary

Chick: Darryl doesn’t even know what hardcore is, first off. He was all, “What, is that like some kind of porn?”.

–2nd & A

Overheard by: Kira

Punk girl: Fight bureaucracy!
Suit: You’re not the boss of me.

–Leonard between Broadway & Church

Overheard by: Lakini Malich

Posted on October 13, 2014
Alphabet City, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, CBGB, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Favorites, Jobs & Careers, Manhattan, On Cell, On the Subway, People, Places, Porn, Punks, Sex, Soho, Suits, Tattoos, Teens, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Venues, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, West Village, Williamsburg, Words

And Sometimes Pre-Mustard

Film professor: What kind of movie causes a bodily reaction?
Student:… Pornography?
Film professor: And what does pornography cause your body to produce?
Student, after long pause: Bodily… fluids?
Film professor: Otherwise known as… Cum!

–Columbia Universtiy

Posted on August 25, 2014
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Cum, Default, Education, Movies, Porn, Questions, Students, Teachers/Professors, Words

I'm Sure It's a Fucking Triumph Of the Human Spirit

Bearish guy: Did I tell you I got a lead in a film?
Friend: No. Congratulations!
Bearish guy: Yeah, it's a bear film–but it's not a porn!

–23rd & 8th

Overheard by: Daniel

Posted on August 19, 2014
Actors, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Film, Friends, Guys, Movies, Porn, Questions