We're All Nine Meals Away from Being Wednesday One-Liners

Black hobo to rush-hour crowd: So, did ya' hear now Obama's president they gonna tear down the Statue of Liberty? Yeah, they gonna put up a new statue–one o' Aunt Jemima!"

–Shuttle Train GCT

Overheard by: Mrs. Butterworth

Hobo: Hey, kids! I wish I was a kid again. Then I'd have a hundred million dollars!

–Henry St, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Jesse

Hobo to clerk: Don't worry, baby, I'll take care of the Gaza Strip.

–Deli, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: LP

Hobo to girl with boxing gloves attached to her backpack: Hi, there! Give a little money to help the homeless? (silence) I'll take anything but a punch in the face!

–Astor & Lafayette

Overheard by: Andi C.

Shouting hobo: The family that scratches their butts together has smelly fingers!

–34th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Kramer

Hobo crossing street and pushing shopping cart: Hi ho Silver!

–23rd St & Park Ave

Posted on June 5, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Brooklyn, Clerks, Delis, Family Ties, Food, Girls, Global Geography, Hobos, Homeless, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, One-liners, Panhandling, President, Punch, Questions, Race, Rumor Has It, Sensory Experiences, Statue of Liberty, Strangers, Street, The Village, Trains Not Subway, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Could Pinch Hit for William Safire

Wardrobe consultant chick: Hey Jorge*, el foodo is here! Wait a minute, what’s the word again?

–Men’s Wearhouse, 34th & 5th

Overheard by: erak

Tourist woman on cell: That’s not even the right thing to say to somebody in a fight. A "punk" is from the 50s. It’s like a tough guy or a street guy.

–56th & 5th

Woman on cell: You know what pull my finger means? Well you better start pulling your finger. Pull it 24/7.

–12th & 1st

Guy: Korean words don’t end in vowels, you fuckhead. Except for "Korea"… and "Hyundai".

–Chelsea Market

Yuppie dad lecturing two school-age sons: Last week, this girl in my class said that something just sucked and I told her, "You know, when you’re in English class, vocabulary is cool, and it’s better to say that something is disappointing instead of saying that it sucks."

–Tip-Top Shoes, W 72nd St

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Man on cell: Do you know what trifling means?? No! It does NOT mean truffle-making!

–17th & 6th

Overheard by: Thirsty Violet

Guy, passing "La Bagel Delight": That means "The Bagel Delight" in
French!

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Posted on June 5, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Education, Food, Global Geography, Gripes, History & Geography, Language Barrier, Languages, Questions, School and studying, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

In Cute Poses!

Old man #1: It was uplifting.
Old man #2: Dead babies?

–Cranberry Cafe

Overheard by: Jordan

Posted on June 5, 2015
Babies, Compare/Contrast, Default, Diet/Weight, Men, Old People, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Ricky and Fred Decide to Gay-Test Lucy's New Beau

Hipster #1: So she said he couldn't get it up?
Hipster #2: Yeah, but she's not sure if it's just all the heroin or that he's actually queer.
Hipster #1: But I mean, isn't that the case for every dude from Wesleyan?

–L Train

Posted on June 5, 2015
Default, Education, Erections, Gays and Lesbians, Heroin, Hipsters, On the Subway, Questions

You Can Make an Excellent Bread by Grinding Their Bones

(crowd of shrieking teenage girls outside Trump Hotel)
Ditzy woman #1 shouting: Look at that! Stupid people protesting! What idiots. Why would they be protesting?
Ditzy woman #2: Yeah. Lame!
Bystander: They aren't protesting. They are waiting for The Jonas Brothers to leave the hotel.

–Outside Trump International Hotel

Overheard by: Annie in MN

Posted on June 4, 2015
About Celebrities, Hotels, Politics, Questions, Strangers, Stupidity, Women

Bootylicious Wednesday One-Liners

Gay guy on cell: And they had the guy with the biggest butt stand next to the guy with the second-biggest butt! Seriously, what is wrong with them?

–6th Ave & 12th

Woman getting on a crowded train, looking for a seat: See, I told you there would be a lot of behinds on this train!

–N Train

Overheard by: Some behind lucky enough to find a seat.

Thug to another: After I wipe his ass, I'm gonna beat his ass!

–86th & Park Ave

Woman on cell: So, what are you going to tell him? "Sorry, I can't marry you–your ass is broken"?

–1st & 23

Teen to friend: Why didn't he use a tennis racket? It would have left that waffle fry look on your ass.

–Bus to Penn Station

Skipping tween girl to metrosexual father: I've seen your butt, you know!

–72nd & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Shannon

Posted on June 4, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Cleanliness, Dads, Family Ties, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Marriage, Metrosexuals, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Questions, Sports, Street, Teens, The Village, Thugs, Tweens, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Back to Your Little Lukewarm Island– Back, I Say!

British chick: Why did the sun have to set?
British guy: It has something to do with the movement of the earth.
British chick: Buy whyyyyyyyyy? It's colllldddd.

–Columbus Circle

Posted on June 4, 2015
Astronomy, Brits, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Science, Weather

You Earn Extra Street Cred for Creeping Out a Hobo

Suit lugging huge rolling suitcase to hobo taking up two seats on train: Pardon me.
Hobo (sliding over, looking at huge suitcase): What do you have there, a dog or something?
Suit (with deadpan look on his face, stroking suitcase fondly): I used to. (sighs)
(hobo slowly inches away)

–L Train

Overheard by: Cai

Posted on June 4, 2015
Death, Default, Etiquette, Hobos, On the Subway, Questions, Suits, We Love Our Pets

In the Future, There Will Be at Least Four Types Of Sexual Orientation.

Accented woman: What is driving, just “left, right, and straight”? What is so hard bout that?
Friend: And backing up.
Together: And backing up.

–A Train

Overheard by: Rick

Posted on June 3, 2015
Cars and Driving, Friends, On the Subway, Questions, Women

NewsFlash: Teenager Confused–Film at Eleven!

Brunette teen: How can she have a boyfriend? She has chest hair!
Blonde teen: She doesn't have chest hair, she has sideburns.
Brunette teen (yelling): She has chest hair too!
Blonde teen: I don't know what the world has come to.

–34th & Fashion

Posted on June 3, 2015
Hair, Physical appearance, Questions, Street, Teens

Questions