…Would You Like Some French Fries?

Middle aged lawyer #1, reading newspaper: Childhood obesity is an epidemic? America is the only country where poor people are fat.
Middle aged lawyer #2: Cheap food is fattening.
Middle aged lawyer #1: Maybe so, but if they're fat, they can't be starving, right? Nobody ever starved to death while they were fat.
Middle aged lawyer #2: The reason they're fat is that they can't afford to eat healthy. Your comment is shockingly racist, hateful and ignorant.
Middle aged lawyer #1: Oh, now being fat is a race issue? Ever been to Disney World? They have white people there who could cause an eclipse.
Middle aged lawyer #2: Our agricultural policy encourages the poor to eat cheap, unhealthy calories. A Big Mac might make you full, but it also makes you fat!
Middle aged lawyer #1: McDonald's sells salads too, ya know. Who's forcing the poor to order Big Macs? Or to eat twelve of them?
Middle aged lawyer #2: If you believe you're correct, why don't you try living on a restricted budget and food stamps?
Middle aged lawyer #1: If my budget was so restricted, I might stop at the first Big Mac instead of ordering a dozen. And nice way to divert from the issue, which is that America's poor are obviously not starving.
Female court reporter: That's right. It's the middle class that's starving because they're not getting government checks and food stamps.
Middle aged lawyer #2, with air of condescension, shaking head: How compassionate of you.
Middle aged lawyer #1: I'm very compassionate. I'm just not an enabler. I'm making a simple logical argument: fat people are not starving.
Middle aged lawyer #2, shaking head: Mere words do you no justice.
(the door to the room opens, and in comes the witness, an obese black teenager holding a McDonald's bag. The smell of french fries fills the room).
Middle aged lawyer #1: Were you listening outside the door?
Confused teen: No.

–Court Reporting Office, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Big Larry

Posted on May 15, 2010
Black People, Brooklyn, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Health and Hygiene, Junk Food & Fast Food, Lawyers, Money & Class, Physical appearance, Race, Teens

…and Your Little Dog, Too!

Old black woman on bicycle with yapping dog in basket: Get out of the way! Get the fuck out of the way! Get out of the way, white fuckers!
White man standing in street: Fuck you, you… non-white person!

–NYU

Posted on May 2, 2010
Black People, Insults, Men, NYU, Old People, Race, White People, Women

Here's Dr. Seuss to Explain

JAP: So, they're opening this new pop-up shop in SoHo…
Asian friend: Why is it when white people open a temporary store it's called a “pop-up shop,” but when any other race does, it's called a “bazaar?”

–Q15 Bus

Posted on April 29, 2010
Asians, Bus, JAPs, News, On the Bus, Questions, Race, Words

Ad: Welcome to New York, the Haters' Buffet!

White college student to Korean friend: Dude, I thought Asian-ness was like… universal!
Korean student, irritably: I hate seeing all these sneaky chinks around.

–Chinatown

Overheard by: Someone who can tell Koreans from Chinese…

Posted on April 23, 2010
Chinatown, Gripes, Koreans, Race, Students, Stupidity, White People

Wednesday-One-Linertitutes

Blonde chick to friend: So I ran into that guy and confronted him. I was like, "why didn't you say hi to me last Friday? I know you saw me, but you didn't say anything. Listen, if you're going to sleep with me Thursday night, you can't just not say hi to me on Friday. I know it's common for a lot of businessmen to sleep with prostitutes and then ignore them the next day when they see them on the street, but they pay them. If you're going to ignore me, fine… but I expect a check in the mail."

–Outside NYU Gramercy Green Residence Hall

Overheard by: Molalala

Girl to friend: Prostitutes don't have negative connotations.

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: anonymous

Drunk 20-something male to two 20-something girls: Is it Jewish tradition to go to Amsterdam when you're 14 to get laid by a black prostitute?

–14th St & 2nd ave

Grad student to girlfriend: You know, it's funny. Before I met you, a skanky girl was just a skanky girl. Since we've been dating, when I see a skanky girl, I have to ask myself, "is she turning tricks?"

–Uris Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: Wonders how they met

Man to friend, about a woman hailing cab: Wow, she looks really expensive.

–18th & 7th

Posted on April 21, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Dating, For Sale, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Gripes, Judaism, Men, Money & Class, NYU, One-liners, Physical appearance, Prostitution, Questions, Race, Relationships, Sex, Students, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Turns Out He Was Accidentally Watching Regular TV

Asian guy #1: I saw Mulan for the first time the other day.
Asian guy #2: Yeah?
Asian guy #1: Yeah, I didn't like it. There weren't enough Asians in it.

–7 Train

Posted on April 18, 2010
Asians, Disney, Film, Gripes, Guys, Movies, On the Subway, Race

Most Are Bilingual, You Know

Guy #1: Did you know eating pussy was a hispanic thing?
Guy #2: No, I did not.
Guy #1: I don't like that word, though. There are nicer ways to say it.
Guy #2: Sorry… “Latino.”

–34th St & Houston

Overheard by: Daniel Ezra Johnson

Posted on April 13, 2010
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Guys, Licking, Questions, Race, Stupidity, Vagina, Words

Wednesday One-Liners for Change

Black lady to family in obama t-shirts: You know how all those irish people have pictures of kennedy hanging up in their living rooms? Now we can do that too!

–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Definitely has a JFK picture in her apartment

Guy selling obama-themed condoms: Remember the election with every erection!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Mary Button

Black woman with a child in her stroller braiding her hair: There's gona be a lot of braidin in the white house.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Subway surfer

Woman on cell phone: Girl, if I can get to the front of the line at the vma's I can get to the front of the line at the damn inauguration. Shiiiit it's barack obama, girl!

–manhattan dental waiting room

Overheard by: Catherine

Stoned kid to a group of his friends discussing politics: You know what's scary bro? If obama gets assassinated, george bush is gonna be president again.

–1 Train @ 2AM going Downtown

Black man handing out metro: "get your obama metro! Get your obama metro! See, anyone can be president… I'm next!"

–59th Street, Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Yes we can!