Wednesday One-Liners Have No Trouble Getting Dates

Girl on bench, to guy in whose arms she is snuggled: Get your shit together and decide if you like men or women before you come around trying to date me!

–Battery Park

Woman to friend: What's with all these bi-colored, bi-curious tomatoes?

–Farmers Market, Union Square

Overheard by: Dave

Thug on cell: Yo! You didn't know that? (pause) Yeah man, he love pussy, but he love dick too!

–6th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave

Drunk blonde: I like both black guys and white guys. Does that make me bi?

–Joshua Tree Bar, Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: Mon

Posted on March 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Battery Park, Colors, Dating, Drunks, Food, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Race, Sexuality, Street, Stupidity, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

On the Plus Side, It Doubles As Spackle.

Skinny Indian girl: It's hot in here.
Chunky white girl: Too hot.
Skinny Indian girl: Well, at least it's better than too cold.
Chunky white girl: How so?
Skinny Indian girl: Well, now I can wear a t-shirt.
Chunky white girl: Yeah, but like, if it gets too hot we can't be whipping our clothes off. Nobody needs to see my pale shit.
Skinny Indian girl: Yeah, true.
Chunky white girl: Shit, girl. I have to buy my foundation at funeral homes.

–The Met

Posted on March 14, 2010
Clothing, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Heat, India Indians, Physical appearance, Race, Skinny People, The Met, White People

Wasn't This a Chris Rock Documentary?

Black woman #1: So, she's got him at her place setting up her new furniture while she's out fucking another guy.
Black woman #2: Where does he think she's at?
Black woman #1: Her hair done. She's got him convinced that it takes eight hours to relax that short shit.
Black woman #2: Man, that's why a white man should never date a black woman. I'd never get away with that shit with my man.

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: Overhearer

Posted on February 21, 2010
Black People, Dating, Hair, Infidelity, Lies, Physical appearance, Port Authority, Race, Sex, Time, Women

They've Found Their New Slogan!

Young black man, pointing to young black woman's reusable Trader Joe's bag: Where'd you get that?
Young woman: I don't know.
Young man: That's where white people shop, yo.

–Jamaica Ave & Parsons

Overheard by: white person

Posted on February 18, 2010
Black People, Men, Queens, Questions, Race, Shopping, Women

“Hi, My Name Is Wednesday, and I'm a One-Liner”

Happy old drunk guy, to no one in particular: Eldridge Street, god bless us, every one! Eldridge street!

–Eldridge Street & Broome Street

Drunk girl to friend: There she goes! Being all Rosa Parks, as usual, saving her tribe …

–2nd Ave b/w 5th & 6th

Drunk girl outside bar: If I ever have children, I want them to be as fucked up as I am!

–West Village

Overheard by: AsherO

Drunk girl: I'm so hungry I could eat a dick!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: teagle

Loud drunk girl at table with friends: Ashton sat on my lovesack!

–Blockheads

Posted on February 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Compare/Contrast, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Family Ties, Fashion, Food, Fordham, Friends, Girls, Happiness, Kids, Lower East Side, Old People, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Politics, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

Um, Hello, I Tan Regularly!

Rich girl: So yeah, we just got back from the club.
Black guy: Oh, yeah?
Rich girl's friend: Um, excuse me…
Black guy: Excuse me! I'm talking to her, not you. You're the ugly one, remember?
(phone rings) Yo. Hey, man. Oh, nothin'. Just talking to a couple white hos.
Rich girl's friend: What?
Rich girl: Stop bein' such an ugly white ho, Danielle.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Just another white ho.

Posted on February 13, 2010
Beauty, Black People, Comebacks, Friends, Nicknames & name calling, Race, Rich people, Trains Not Subway

And I Blame Jon Gosselin for Making Me a Racist

Schoolgirl #1 to friend: I just don't understand why we have to learn history in school. It's not like knowing about Asia's trade habits in the 1800s will get me anywhere in life!
Schoolgirl #2: I know. I mean, I don't even like Asians, so why should I have to learn about them?
Schoolgirl #1: Exactly.

–W13th St

Posted on January 30, 2010
Elementary & Middle School, History & Geography, Jobs & Careers, Race, School and studying, Students, Stupidity, The Village

Wednesday One-Liners Kill You With Your Own Collarbone

Drunk to Asian guy: Tell me, why is it that when Asians get in street fights, they never use their martial arts?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Fonvielle

Waiter: Please let me know if you have any food allergies. We ninjas don't like to kill by accident; we only kill on purpose.

–Ninja Japanese Restaurant

Little boy to grandfather: Hey grandpa, are you a black belt or any kind of ninja?

–Cobble Hill, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jess

Health care worker: I'ma kill that ninja!

–Brooklyn Health Center

Posted on January 27, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Baristas, Brooklyn, Clerks, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Ethnic Food, Families, Health and Hygiene, Hospitals, Kids, Murder, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Threats, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Apparently It Drives the White Folks Crazy

Black thug #1, holding Indiana Jones dvd: Damn, son, look how young and fly and hip that nigga Harrison Ford was. That shit made his career, son!
Black thug #2: I dunno, man. I don't like a white dude with a whip.

–Best Buy

Overheard by: rob

Posted on January 23, 2010
About Celebrities, Black People, Jobs & Careers, Movies, Physical appearance, Race, Store, Thugs

All the Disadvantages and None Of the Advantages

Large black woman to friend: So like, he's totally gonna bring Randi's hot sister to the x-mas party! Score for Matt!
Black dude passing by: Ewww, you sound like a white girl.

–125th St, Harlem

Overheard by: Miss Ivy

Posted on January 19, 2010
Beauty, Black People, Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Friends, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Race, Strangers

Race