Wednesday Feel Trapped in a One-Liner's Body

Ghetto lady to another: Her son is a lesbian!

–Port Authority Bus Station

Suit to friend: Did I ever tell you about the time I ran into a Dunkin Donuts Drive Thru window with a transvestite in my back seat?

–N Train

Overheard by: Tater

Cop: The trannies hate the DVDs. They just can't get along. They hate each other more than the Bloods and the Crips!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jon A.

Girl on cell: He just turned around and slipped into the skirt, and I just had to tell him! (pause) No, it didn't flatter his figure.

–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center

Crazy guy, pointing to girl sitting on fireplug: She's a man! That girl's a man! She's a man! Heh, heh…okay, stay there, I'll be right back. (pause) To punch you in the face!

–23rd & 7th

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy on phone: First you wanted to be a car salesman, and now you want to be drag queen?

–31st b/w 9th &10th

Overheard by: roommate of guy on phone

Posted on April 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Comebacks, Compliments, Cops, Crazies, Family Ties, Film, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Jobs & Careers, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Port Authority, Punch, Sexuality, Suits, Threats, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

The Angel Wings Are for Religious Purposes

Drunk gay college student, seeing drag queens crossing the street: Yay! Halloween! I love Halloween!
Drunk college friend: Oh my god! I love your costumes!
Drag queen, angrily: It ain't Halloween, bitch! This is every day!

–18th & 8th

Posted on April 9, 2009
Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drag queens, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Frat Boys, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Insults, Sexuality, Street, Trannies

Which Is Why So Many Have Cropped Hair

Man: Lesbians aren't born. They're grown.

–Luxia, . 48th St

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson

Posted on December 27, 2008
Gays and Lesbians, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Sexuality

Stop Sending Me Self-Help Books and Cher Calendars

Guy #1, shouting to friend: Yo! Where have you been? We need to start!
Guy #2: No, man, I gotta go.
Guy #1: You're so gay.
Guy #2: I know. But that doesn't change anything. I have to get home.
Guy #1: Get back here! Now that you've admitted you're gay, you have to stay here so that we can all help you cope.
Guy #2: Sometimes I don't get you, dude.

–Stuyvesant High

Posted on October 27, 2008
Friends, Guys, Sexuality, Stupidity, Stuyvesant, Talking/Convos

Which Is the Rarely-Invoked Exception to the “Dirty Dog” Clause

Wall Street suit #1: Wait, wait–you did it in her parent's house…while her parents were home?! You dirty dog!
Wall Street suit #2: They have a water bed!
Wall Street suit #1: Dude!

–Au Bon Pain, Broadway & W 3rd

Posted on October 20, 2008
Default, Family Ties, Parents, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Suits

Can You Sell Wednesday One-Liners on the Black Market?

Skater kid: Where's my tongue?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Toast

Guy on bus (shouting from the back of the bus): Driver, you know this bus is not gentle on those who have testicles. I mean there's all these bumps and everything's jumping around.

–B12 Bus

Butch lesbian yelling into phone: How do you think I found out my thyroid wasn't working?

–M14D Bus

Old guy to pretty girl: You have some nice legs. You should be doing stocking commercials. Anyone ever tell you that? (now to himself) Oh, the woes of racism have plagued us from Egyptian times!

–R Train

Stock floor guy on cell: Every time we think this thing is coming to a head, there's another head…how many heads does this thing have?

–Wall St & Broadway

Overheard by: Michael

Woman on cell: The best place for your thighs is around my neck. Yes it is. Yes it is. Yes it is. Yes it is.

–58th & Columbus Circle

Posted on October 15, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Clothing, Compliments, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Lesbians, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Sexuality, Skaters, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Women

How Was I Supposed to Know She Was a Mannequin?

Bro #1: I mean, you can't turn that down.
Bro #2: Right, you can't turn that down! I mean, she had boobs!

–University Place & North Washington Square

Overheard by: Anna P.

Posted on October 9, 2008
Advice, Default, Friends, Guys, Nipples, Sexuality, Washington Square Park

Wednesday One-Liners Will Pass You a Note in Study Hall

Teen girl: The teacher was like, "Everybody did well on the oral part, that's a good thing, because I hadn't thought it was too long or hard." And then a kid in the back shouted, "That's what she said!"

–Times Square

Teen girl, after being hugged by two boys: Okay, which one of you fingered me?

–Outside Queens Center Mall

Overheard by: disgusted educator on bus

Teen on cell: Stuff? What the hell? Wait, stuff and things? What the fuck, man?!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual

Teenage boy: Every time you type "lol" a baby gets kicked in the head.

–150th & Columbus

Teen girl on cell: Why you always call me "ghetto?" I'm not ghetto. (long pause) Okay, I am! But I can't help it!

–Park Avenue

Overheard by: taylor

Teen punk girl on phone: Yeah, I kinda got to third in a dumpster… No! No, it was a clean dumpster!

–St Mark's & 2nd

Posted on October 8, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Boys, Cleanliness, Education, Girls, Grand Central, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kick, On Cell, Punks, Queens, Questions, Sexuality, Teens, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Words

Big Hard Dick, Little Soft Conscience

Girl #1: I didn't know he had a girlfriend.
Girl #2: I did…but I was drunk so I blocked it out.
Girl #1: Horrible mistake.
Girl #2: Yeah, I regret it.
Girl #1: Good fuck, though. Big dick.
Girl #2: And that's all that matters.

–Brooklyn Heights

Posted on October 7, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Penis, Relationships, Sexuality

Says She Loves to Fuck, but Hates to Walk

Boyfriend: So I think my mother is sleeping with the guy who lives around the corner from me.
Girlfriend: Your mom is so good at stuff like that.

–6th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Matthew Coleman

Posted on October 5, 2008
Boyfriends, Compliments, Default, Girlfriends, Parents, Sexuality, The Village

Sexuality