Wednesday One-Liners Are a Household Name

English teacher, telling student how to read play: Brian, you're like Martin Luther King meets 50 Cent!

–English Class, Bronx HS of Science

Overheard by: Lillian

Woman answering cell on bus: You saw Beyoncé? (everyone stares) Sorry. Did you say, "Hi, fiancée," or "I saw Beyoncé"?"

–126 Bus

Loud fat hipster chick: So she said I'm like Britney Spears with Lindsay Lohan's body, because my weight fluctuates like Lohan's. And I'm okay with that, because you know what? Lohan is a great celebrity. I mean, look, Kate Winslet is lovely and all, but what is she doing tonight? Sitting on a couch somewhere, drinking moderately probably. What is Lohan doing? Probably something really gay and coked up. I'd rather be gay and coked up than drinking moderately on a couch, any day of the week.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Jas

Metal kid: I smell like Robert Downey, Jr.

–Don Pedro's, Boerum & Manhattan, Brooklyn

Overheard by: LP

Hobo: I always thought Madonna was a trashy white cunt.

–Restaurant Row

Overheard by: Al-master

Guy to girl: You know, I'm sure you're a wonderful lover, and you don't need to be comparing yourself to Lance Armstrong. Like, that's just a fool's game.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Helena

Posted on May 20, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bronx Science, Brooklyn, Bus, Classroom, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Duane Reade, Fat People, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, History & Geography, Hobos, Insults, Music, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Park Slope, Passengers, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Students, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Theater & Dance, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Luckily I Had Some Weed to Give Him

Student in line: So I usually get delivery from this other place, they deliver anything anytime.
Friend: Really? Sounds good, I should go there.
Student: Yeah, they'll deliver newspapers and Chinese food and burgers at 3 am. Sometimes they get it wrong, though, like once the delivery guy came and just tried to stuff a wad of cash into my hand.
Friend, clearly not listening: Hmm…

–Broadway & 115th

Overheard by: tell me more…

Posted on May 19, 2009
Columbia University, Ethnic Food, Friends, Junk Food & Fast Food, Money & Class, Students, Time

Isn't That a Gateway Drink?

Nerdy NYU freshman #1: Have you ever had a screwdriver?
Nerdy NYU freshman #2: What's that? Is that alcohol?
Nerdy NYU freshman #1: It's alcohol. But, it's orange juice. It tastes like orange juice with alcohol in it. So good.

–3rd Ave & 14th St

Posted on May 18, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Nerds, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Students, Union Square and East Village

Only Four Hobbits and a Warlock

Boy: Can you close the window?
Substitute teacher, jumping onto the windowsill: Sure.
(class stares in disbelief)
Substitute teacher: What, haven't you ever had a ninja for a teacher before?

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Not Really…

Posted on May 12, 2009
Boys, Classroom, Ninjas, Offers and requests, School and studying, Students, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness

Frankly, I Don't Give a Dam.

Girl drafting floor plan: I've decided I'm going to open a funeral parlor that's sleek, modern and sophisticated. Someplace that doesn't look like your grandma just died there.
Female British classmate: That's awesome. My big idea is to start a protection service for lesbians.
Girl drafting floor plan: Like, security?
Female British classmate: No. Like, safe sex?

–Interior Design Class, FIT

Posted on May 9, 2009
Brits, Classroom, College, Death, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, School and studying, Sex, Students

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Call It a “Job” for Nothin'

Bar hopper: Look at him! He's 20, but he sucks dick like he's 47!

–2nd Ave & 5th St

Overheard by: Christian

Girl on cell: I'm really mad that he's telling everyone I gave him head, and calling my mom a milf.

–West 72nd Urban Outfitters

Overheard by: Will

Student on cell: I can't wait to put that in my mouth.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wait, What?

30-something to teen: I'm telling you: ignore a bitch and she'll be giving you head in a day.

–Central Park

Slutty girl: So after about five minutes, I took a break and my jaw was shaking.

–87th & 3rd

Crazy hobo: Look, I don't mean this in a sexual manner, but could you suck my dick?

–Times Square

Posted on May 6, 2009
Advice, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Biotechs, BJs, Body Parts, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gossip, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Store, Street, Students, Teens, Time, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

The Joker Got Fired from Every Job He Attempted

Student: Could you go over question number 3?
Professor, laughing maniacally: Ha ha ha ha ha!
Student, questioningly: Ha ha ha ha?

–NYU

Posted on May 1, 2009
Laughter, NYU, Offers and requests, Questions, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors

It's All About Chemistry, People

Professor: Once I was in the kitchen with a friend who was cooking, who had messed something up and I made a chemical suggestion to help her fix it. It worked. I ended up marrying her.
Whole class: Awwww!
Professor: We ended up getting divorced.
Professor: I am married again! (shows ring finger)

–NYU Building

Posted on April 30, 2009
Breaking Up, Classroom, Food, Marriage, NYU, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness

And Welcome Back, Adam.

Professor, talking about Genesis: We covered the reason for loincloths last class.
Student #1: Wait, why was that again?
Professor: (silence)
Student #2: Adam had an erection.
Professor: Exactly. Thank you for cutting though the bullshit.

–Eugene Lang College

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on April 27, 2009
Clothing, College, Erections, Questions, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors

We'd Be Out Of Business Otherwise

Girl leaving class: And then we took the contraceptive and put it on our face.
Friend: Boy, this conversation would be awkward out of context.

–NY Law, Worth & Church

Overheard by: Louie Q

Posted on April 26, 2009
Body Parts, College, Friends, Girls, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Students, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

Students