Front row student: Well, I am certain that my mom will always be there when I need her.
Professor: You mean she will always be there (pause) until she dies, which we are all certain of.
–Lecutre, NYU
Front row student: Well, I am certain that my mom will always be there when I need her.
Professor: You mean she will always be there (pause) until she dies, which we are all certain of.
–Lecutre, NYU
Teacher to colleagues: When a student acts up a second time, I always throw something at the window and then do something like this (goes into fetal position and starts rocking) at my desk. I mean…these are first graders! You need them to think you're crazy from the very beginning, or you'll have a horrible year!
–Bar, Smith & Sackett
Paper baggin' hobo: I'm not sure who's crazier: me, or this beer. It's 23 degrees outside, and I'm drinking a cold beer!
–Jackie Robinson Park
Overheard by: Ian
High pitched 20-something girl to empty block: I feel like I'm taking crazy pills, here!
–58th & 7th
Female student on cell: Did you know him? (pause) Oh. Well, did Kate* know him? (pause) What? You girls are crazy! Yeah, you'd better lock your door!
–Fordham University
Man on cell: I'm feeling pretty good today. That's usually when I go off the deep end.
–Prince & Elizabeth
Film professor: So, as you can see, ads use many different types of targets to get you to buy their stuff. What do beer ads use to make you want beer?
Student: Twins!
–NYU
Overheard by: queenofscots
Teacher: You have to know this or else it looks like your going to summer school.
Student #1: Summer school?
Student #2: Summer school. It ain't so bad, I'll be there. There's a pool next to it.
–PS 7
NYU smart ass: Well, I know that Milwaukee had two socialist senators.
Professor: You learned that from Wayne's World! Ha!
–NYU Classroom
Angry bus driver: Get out of my rear. Get out of my rear.
–Q44 Bus
Overheard by: This is why men do not give birth
Law professor, pulling out a cough drop: Sorry guys, if I don't suck on this, I just won't make it.
–CUNY Law School
Overheard by: That's what she said
Chemistry teacher: No, it's really warm here. (pause) Feel my test-tube.
–Stuyvesant High School
Large black lady to girlfriend: I'm not gonna let him put his babbaganush in my peace pipe!
–Houston St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: ian has a face
Loud woman on cell: Yes, he stuck it up my right one, and when it was halfway in, I was like "ow, you need to take it out!" and then he stuck it up my left one, and I felt no discomfort!
–72nd & 2nd
Old lady to another: So is there an oral tradition in your family then?
–86th & Broadway
Overheard by: Frenchie
English teacher, telling student how to read play: Brian, you're like Martin Luther King meets 50 Cent!
–English Class, Bronx HS of Science
Overheard by: Lillian
Woman answering cell on bus: You saw Beyoncé? (everyone stares) Sorry. Did you say, "Hi, fiancée," or "I saw Beyoncé"?"
–126 Bus
Loud fat hipster chick: So she said I'm like Britney Spears with Lindsay Lohan's body, because my weight fluctuates like Lohan's. And I'm okay with that, because you know what? Lohan is a great celebrity. I mean, look, Kate Winslet is lovely and all, but what is she doing tonight? Sitting on a couch somewhere, drinking moderately probably. What is Lohan doing? Probably something really gay and coked up. I'd rather be gay and coked up than drinking moderately on a couch, any day of the week.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Jas
Metal kid: I smell like Robert Downey, Jr.
–Don Pedro's, Boerum & Manhattan, Brooklyn
Overheard by: LP
Hobo: I always thought Madonna was a trashy white cunt.
–Restaurant Row
Overheard by: Al-master
Guy to girl: You know, I'm sure you're a wonderful lover, and you don't need to be comparing yourself to Lance Armstrong. Like, that's just a fool's game.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Helena
Student in line: So I usually get delivery from this other place, they deliver anything anytime.
Friend: Really? Sounds good, I should go there.
Student: Yeah, they'll deliver newspapers and Chinese food and burgers at 3 am. Sometimes they get it wrong, though, like once the delivery guy came and just tried to stuff a wad of cash into my hand.
Friend, clearly not listening: Hmm…
–Broadway & 115th
Overheard by: tell me more…
Nerdy NYU freshman #1: Have you ever had a screwdriver?
Nerdy NYU freshman #2: What's that? Is that alcohol?
Nerdy NYU freshman #1: It's alcohol. But, it's orange juice. It tastes like orange juice with alcohol in it. So good.
–3rd Ave & 14th St
Boy: Can you close the window?
Substitute teacher, jumping onto the windowsill: Sure.
(class stares in disbelief)
Substitute teacher: What, haven't you ever had a ninja for a teacher before?
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: Not Really…
