Female student, pointing to ad of big M&M: I like this picture the best.
Professor: So you like big red things?
–John Jay College
Female student, pointing to ad of big M&M: I like this picture the best.
Professor: So you like big red things?
–John Jay College
Girl on cell: Oh my god, I was watching some porn the other day and saw the creepiest thing! (pause) No, it's not a penis. I've seen penises before. (pause) No, it wasn't an ugly penis. That would be like…what, a herpes penis? (pause) So anyway, I was watching this porno, right? This guy lubed up his head and stuck it into a vagina. Like, up to his friggin'…past his nose! (pause, then laughing) I get off on lubed-up heads? (pause) Yeah, he was bald.
–11th St & 5th Ave
Preppy guy: If it's made out of brass, it's not pornographic.
–Brooklyn Botanical Gardens
Overheard by: Hunter (aka
Guy on cell: Yeah, so I got this one called Stick it in Deep.
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: j
Indignant law student: Look, the fact is, the videos of animal torture were not being used for sexual gratification!
–Fordham Law School
Beatnik professor: The internet is only good for two things. Online banking is not one of them. If you online bank, then you're fucked for life. They'll steal your identity. The internet is good for porn, and for getting underwear on sale. Now, I know many people may find buying a brassiere online to be strange, but women do it anyway. Now, the internet is great for porn, but you can't do kiddie porn. If you do kiddie porn then they'll get you. We all know who they are.
–Queens College
Student giving presentation: The angel statue on his grave actually had male genitalia on it, but the cemetery keepers broke it off and used it as a paperweight.
Dumb student: Where on the statue was the genitalia?
Student giving presentation, after long pause: In the same place as male genitalia on a body?
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: You've got to be kidding me
Student #1: Who's Helen Keller?
Student #2: She was deaf, blind and couldn't talk.
Student #1: I thought that was Anne Frank.
–City Tech College
Front row student: Well, I am certain that my mom will always be there when I need her.
Professor: You mean she will always be there (pause) until she dies, which we are all certain of.
–Lecutre, NYU
Teacher to colleagues: When a student acts up a second time, I always throw something at the window and then do something like this (goes into fetal position and starts rocking) at my desk. I mean…these are first graders! You need them to think you're crazy from the very beginning, or you'll have a horrible year!
–Bar, Smith & Sackett
Paper baggin' hobo: I'm not sure who's crazier: me, or this beer. It's 23 degrees outside, and I'm drinking a cold beer!
–Jackie Robinson Park
Overheard by: Ian
High pitched 20-something girl to empty block: I feel like I'm taking crazy pills, here!
–58th & 7th
Female student on cell: Did you know him? (pause) Oh. Well, did Kate* know him? (pause) What? You girls are crazy! Yeah, you'd better lock your door!
–Fordham University
Man on cell: I'm feeling pretty good today. That's usually when I go off the deep end.
–Prince & Elizabeth
Film professor: So, as you can see, ads use many different types of targets to get you to buy their stuff. What do beer ads use to make you want beer?
Student: Twins!
–NYU
Overheard by: queenofscots
Teacher: You have to know this or else it looks like your going to summer school.
Student #1: Summer school?
Student #2: Summer school. It ain't so bad, I'll be there. There's a pool next to it.
–PS 7
NYU smart ass: Well, I know that Milwaukee had two socialist senators.
Professor: You learned that from Wayne's World! Ha!
–NYU Classroom
Angry bus driver: Get out of my rear. Get out of my rear.
–Q44 Bus
Overheard by: This is why men do not give birth
Law professor, pulling out a cough drop: Sorry guys, if I don't suck on this, I just won't make it.
–CUNY Law School
Overheard by: That's what she said
Chemistry teacher: No, it's really warm here. (pause) Feel my test-tube.
–Stuyvesant High School
Large black lady to girlfriend: I'm not gonna let him put his babbaganush in my peace pipe!
–Houston St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: ian has a face
Loud woman on cell: Yes, he stuck it up my right one, and when it was halfway in, I was like "ow, you need to take it out!" and then he stuck it up my left one, and I felt no discomfort!
–72nd & 2nd
Old lady to another: So is there an oral tradition in your family then?
–86th & Broadway
Overheard by: Frenchie
