Girl: Well, I don’t know…She doesn’t look very much like a butterfly.
Guy: What, would you rather have her wear a t-shirt with a giant butterfly on it?
–Lincoln Center
Girl: Well, I don’t know…She doesn’t look very much like a butterfly.
Guy: What, would you rather have her wear a t-shirt with a giant butterfly on it?
–Lincoln Center
Girl #1: This neighborhood has changed so much.
Girl #2: I know, I feel like we live in the ghetto now. There were actually children outside this morning. And they were yelling!
–N. 7th, Williamsburg
Middle-aged woman: I really never cared for skiing, but I was so alone in my marriage, I found it was a great way to meet men.
–Burritoville, 77th & 2nd
Meathead #1, to meathead #2: Hey! Want to go to a ballroom club?
–47th & Madison
Guy, to passersby: Game of chess? Play chess? Chess?…Also got chronic.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Phil
Middle aged woman #1: I saw that woman of The Cosby Show near Wall Street yesterday.
Middle aged woman #2: Wow, you did not! Which one?
Middle aged woman #1: Whoopi Goldberg–the one that was married to Bill Cosby in the show!
Middle aged woman #2: Oh yeah, I remember her. I think she changed her name to Whoopi Cosby now.
–A Train
Overheard by: Dora Olafsson
Conductor: Attention, ladies and gentlemen, 59th Street is next, 59th Street. Everyone have a pleasant day. And a friendly reminder: only 10 shopping days left until Christmas! Be festive, but don’t spend your money all at once! Ho, ho, ho! Always remember the three gift-giving rules of Christmas. They’re as easy as A, B, C. A: Make a list of everyone you want to buy a gift for. B: Ask them what they want for Christmas. C: Tell them, ‘Give me the money and I’ll buy it for you!’ 59th Street.
–A train
Overheard by: d, cover your groin
Woman selling adult books entitled Extra-Marital Affair: Get your books here! Make great Christmas presents for your loved ones!
–Penn Station, 34th St entrance
Overheard by: Bewildered
Chick dog-walker on cell: I am not doing A Christmas Carol at the Mississippi Shakespeare Festival!
–Payson Ave & Beak St
Conductor: Listen up, people! I can’t stress this enough: you only have two hands. If a third one is in your pocket, make some noise! I’m sure other passengers will help you out. You don’t want anyone having a merry Christmas on your hard work. [Long pause, then singing] Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way! [Another pause] There are only six shopping days left. Ho, ho, ho!
–A train
Overheard by: he brightened my day
Tourist watching erection of Rockefeller Christmas tree: What’s the big tree for?
–Rockefeller Plaza
Overheard by: B.W. McAdams
Fat lady: Do you understand English?
Guy: I do and you sound like an asshole.
–7 train
Nervous hipster: You know, it's really true what they say about friends with eczema…
–50th & 8th
Overheard by: chris
Guy on cell: So she got cancer, big fuckin deal!
–1st Ave & St. Mark's
Man on cell: Next time they call, just politely say there's no one here with diabetes.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Lola Black
Woman exiting car: There's this bump between my ass and cooch. I think I should get that checked.
–W 4th St
20-something guy to 40-something woman: Look, I'm not saying I'm not concerned about my hand being sticky, but I'm more concerned about malaria.
–Café
College girl #1: Ugh, I can’t believe I have to go to my uncle’s wedding. It’s his fucking third one!
College girl #2: His third one?
College girl #1: Yes! Why can’t he just go to some deserted island and get married by himself?!
College girl #3: Well, you can’t really get married by yourself.
(pause)
College girl #1: Will you please just be supportive? You know what I mean.
–MetroNorth, Harlem Line
Overheard by: rpk
Hobo: Can you spare some change?…Fine, you 8th graders!
Tween girl: Oh my gosh, he’s psychic!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Amanda
Girl #1: What should I get? Milky Way or a Twix?
Girl #2: Get the Twix, there’s a cookie in it so you’ll burn more calories by chewing that.
–Kmart, Penn Station
