We Were Told There'd Be No Math on This Wednesday One-Liner

Girl on cell: I would have had to study way a lot more to do better on that exam.

–72nd St & Broadway

Student: I cheated on every test in that class…I even cheated on the survey!

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Liz

Guy: I can't decide which song to listen to. (girls around him look at him quizzically) No, I normally listen to Van Halen's Right Now before a test, but this is my first exam in law school, and I want to set a precedent.

–Fordham Law School Cafeteria, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: pumpkin

Guy on phone: Yeah, normally in these situations I'd knock on my head, but I need my brain for the test today, so I'm not going to pretend it's wood.

–Ditmars & 31st St

Overheard by: Natalie

Student on phone: So what? I don't care that they're mad at me for getting pregnant again. I've got bigger things to deal with…two finals in one day.

–Fordham University, Rose Hill

Proctor: Okay, now don't leave any of the answers blank, cause it will be wrong. If you don't know, take a guess. It's like lotto: "Hey, you never know."

–New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene

Overheard by: Kristina

Posted on February 11, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, College, Compare/Contrast, Education, Fordham, Girls, Guys, Hospitals, Lies, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Street, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Just Got Off the Boat– Again

Puerto Rican guy to another: Out of all the continents, Staten Island is the craziest.

–Spring St b/w Mott & Elizabeth

Overheard by: Jack D

Girl to guy: I can't wait to be a Staten Islander.

–28th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Jennifer

Suit on cell: I take the Staten Island ferry because it's like a free cruise.

–60th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Mike

Ferry announcer: Please follow the signs posted for your assistance, and please see uniformed crew men in case of emergency. Thank you for riding the Staten Island ferry. Have a nice life!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Steven

Professor: So is anyone here from Staten Island? (no reply) Good!

–NYU

Posted on February 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Classroom, Compare/Contrast, Ferry, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Puerto Ricans, Soho, Staten Island Ferry, Street, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Aren't Kosher

Suit on Bluetooth headset: You just lie on the ground and squeal like a pig!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Justin

Chick on cell: A theatrical fashion show of people in assless pleather chaps and pig masks…

–W 26th St b/w 7th & 8th

Overheard by: Ladle

Hipster chick: I love bulldogs; they're like little alien piglets.

–9th St & 2nd Ave

Sorority girl, walking dog, to friend: Didn't you have a pig you could squeeze and make poop come out?

–113th St b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Professor: Your mother is a pigfucker. Now, I hope you don't all go home and cry because I said that.

–Brooklyn College

Posted on January 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Bryant Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crying, Girls, Hipsters, Insults, Man's Best Friend, On Cell, One-liners, Poop, Questions, Sorority Girls, Street, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Theater & Dance, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

…Having to Dye Your Hair Blond and Everything.

Random girl: Mr. Smith*, you should come see the play tonight. I'm playing a retard and a Barbie!
Teacher: That must be quite a stretch for you.

–Bard High School Early College

Posted on January 20, 2009
Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Offers and requests, Retardation, Teachers/Professors, Theater & Dance, Weirdness

You Tell Me Your Dreams and I'll Tell You Mine

Math professor to sleeping student: Hey, are you okay?
Student: Nuh?
Math professor to class: Well, I've rarely killed someone during a lecture, but I must be breaking new ground today.

–Hunter College

Posted on January 11, 2009
Hunter, Murder, Questions, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors

Wednesday One-Liner Menthols

Suit to another, on smoking break: Cigarettes are out, cookies are in!

–33rd & Park Ave

Teen boy: I wanna take up smoking just to prove to people how easy it is to quit. Seriously, it's not that hard. Just don't buy a pack.

–74th & Lexington

Bum to another: And so the cops went in and found them… And you know they can't arrest them for smokin' that shit…it's part of their religion!

–23rd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Francesca

Professor: The only reason valuable reason to start smoking is if you were molested as a child or some shit like that.

–Marymount Manhattan College

Girl on phone: So my roommate was bitching at me this morning for walking around in my underwear and I was like, "Dude, you got laid last night, I got yelled at by my booty call's girlfriend. I deserve to smoke cigarettes half naked on my patio."

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: innocent bystander

High school kid: Yo, I would smoke a cigarette dipped in toothpaste!

–Chambers St

Posted on January 7, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Cleanliness, Clothing, College, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Food, Girls, Hobos, Infidelity, Lower East Side, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Religion, Robbing the Cradle, Sex, Smoking, Street, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness

Cops: “What Is Your Emergency? (And 7 to 3, White Sox)”

3rd grade girl: Wait, so if we're leaving early, how are we going to figure out who won the game?
Teacher: Well, how do you usually find out who won a Mets game?
3rd grade boy: Uh…call the cops?

–7 Train

Overheard by: beetlebath

Posted on December 14, 2008
Cops, Mets, On the Subway, Questions, Students, Teachers/Professors

Then He Wiped His Butt on It and Crotch-Walked Down the Street

American history professor: One of the Southern patriots even drafted a proposal to free several hundred slaves and form an army regiment with them in the revolution.
Student: Did it happen?
American history professor: Well he handed it in, but Washington took one look at it and was like “psssssssh, fuck no!”

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: kiss martha with that mouth?

Posted on December 11, 2008
History & Geography, Insults, NYU, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors

Wednesday One-Liners, If You Know What I Mean

Woman to security guard: Excuse me, did you see a man with a really large package? I'm looking for a man with a large package. Did he come by yet?

–51st St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Rob

LIRR worker, yelling over tracks to another who is carrying huge bolt fastener: Hey! Nice nuts!

–Woodside Station

Overheard by: Jobee

Lab instructor, showing students how to breathe carbon dioxide by blowing into the test tube through a straw: Don't blow too hard, or else the whole thing will come up all over your face.

–Biology Lab, Hunter College

Overheard by: did anyone else catch that?

Very old woman to decorative hardware salesman: It's become such a problem–I just can't seem to keep my knobs tight anymore!

–Gracious Home, 67th St & Broadway

Mother waiting for kid in the bathroom: Billy, will you stop singing and just come?

–Waiting Room, Grand Central

Posted on December 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, BJs, Coworkers, Cum, Grand Central, Height, Hunter, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Old People, Private Parts, Questions, Rack, Security Guards, Store, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, Train Station, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

…To Use One of Emily Dickinson's Lesser-Known Similes

English professor: So who here is eligible to vote but isn't?
(student raises hand)
English professor: Why aren't you voting?
Ditzy Asian girl: I dunno… I just don't know who to vote for.
English professor: But…they're so different. They're like chocolate ice cream and…gravel.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Shakti

Posted on November 16, 2008
Asians, Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Hunter, Illness, Politics, Students, Teachers/Professors

Teachers/Professors