Wednesday One-Liners Are So Nouveau Riche

Female shopper to Bloomingdale's cologne sprayer: Don't you dare spray your $30 over my $150.

–Perfume Aisle, Bloomingdale's

Old lady on cell: I mean, it's just five million…

–Madison & 77th St

Very rich mom to new nanny, about baby in stroller: Okay, well, she loves sushi, and…

–Upper East Side

Rich teen: I asked my mom to go to Louis Vuitton with me this weekend and she was like, "we're in a recession, let's go to Dolce."

–42nd St

Overheard by: I want a m6

Label-whore eating grapes and cheese, to friend: Oh my god, I feel so rich when I eat this stuff… Oh, wait, I am.

–Paul's Cafe

Posted on May 21, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Ethnic Food, Fashion, Fashionistas, Food, Friends, Girls, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Restaurants & Cafes, Rich people, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Failing That, the Coke Machine Gets Custody

Teen girl #1: Listen, if you put a dollar in a Coke machine, the thing that comes out is your Coke, right?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, but–
Teen girl #1: –I’m just saying, the father should get the baby.

–9th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Nicole

Posted on May 20, 2015
Drinks, Kids, Money & Class, Parents, Philosophy, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Teens, Union Square and East Village

The Books Are Over, Wednesday One-Liner, Deal With It.

Grad student: It’s like Hogwarts. Witches go to Hogwarts. They don’t go to Harvard Witch Management.

–Think Coffee, Mercer & W 4th

Overheard by: this analogy makes no sense

German dude to other German dude, in rapid German: Voldemort! And Dumbledore!

–96th & Broadway

Overheard by: LeLeLe

Teen girl: He said that Dumbledore takes it up the ass. Seriously.

–1 train

Overheard by: Silverhawk

High school thug girl: Yo dead ass, Harry Potter is hot.

–Houston & Green

Overheard by: chedr

Perverted tween: I wonder how many old women are into Dumbledore. They must be like "oooooohh! Dumbledooooooore!"

–D train

Overheard by: tanechka

Drunk 20-something woman on cell: I’ve fallen off the Voldemort wagon!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: McFreaky

Posted on May 19, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Beauty, Books & Writing, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Drunks, Education, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Magic, Movies, On the Subway, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Students, Teens, The Village, Thugs, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

But after a While, I’d Tell Him I Was Dieting

Teen girl #1: What if chocolate came out of dicks?
Teen girl #2: Well, then I’d pay him five dollars!

–Union Square

Headline by: MarioRPG

Runners-Up:
· “A Fine Example Of a Win-win Situation” – mike
· “I’m a Dick and Chocolate Comes Out Of Me About Twice a Day.” – Redneck Jedi
· “R. Kelly Trains ‘Em Young” – haz
· “We Could Stop Renting Those Party Fountains” – Golf Widow
· “Willy Wonka’s Splendifferous Splooge” – MiaMiaPantsonFia

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on May 18, 2015
Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Junk Food & Fast Food, Money & Class, Penis, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

I’d Want to Be Stalked Exclusively, Though

Teen girl #1: Jason called me today and asked me if I was in Bay Ridge.
Teen girl #2: How would he know you were there? Is he stalking you or something?
Teen girl #1: God, I hope so.

–Sheepshead Bay, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lotte

Posted on May 17, 2015
Brooklyn, Relationships, Teens

There Still Are, but the Clocks Just Tick Faster

Teen girl #1: I was thinking about Daylight Savings Time yesterday, and I was wondering… When we, like, lose an hour, are there still 24 hours in a day?
Teen girl #2: Hmmm… I don’t really know… I guess not…

–2 train

Overheard by: scared for the future of america

Posted on May 16, 2015
On the Subway, Stupidity, Teens

Taking Anti-Authoritarian a Step Too Far

Skater kid #1: I don’t like this whole “valet” thing, man.
Skater kid #2: You don’t trust them?
Skater kid #1: I DON’T TRUST ANYONE!

–8th St & 6th Ave

Posted on May 15, 2015
Manhattan, Teens, The Village

Wednesday One-liners for Adoptionists

Crazy woman: I’m still alive and breathing, thank you very much, despite the best efforts of the Devil.

–Food Court, Grand Central

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Posted on May 15, 2015
Anger Management, Astoria, Brooklyn, Crime and Punishment, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Friendship, Manhattan, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Queens, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Should've Used a Condom, Teens, Tourist Attractions, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence

You Can’t Do Something Bad at Times Square Anymore

Teen boy #1: We’re getting back pretty late. What are you going to tell your mom?
Teen boy #2: I’ll say we were at dinner until 10:00, and–
Teen boy #1: No way! We went to dinner at 6:15! There’s no such thing as a four hour dinner!
Teen boy #2: Okay, I’ll say that we went to dinner at 7:15, and that we stayed until 8:45 because it was a buffet…then we went and hung out at Times Square–
Teen boy #1: You should tell her that I did something bad, otherwise she’ll be suspicious.

–N train

Girl #1: I heard on a show that Times Square was getting seedy again.
Girl #2: Times Square should be seedy. Tourists come here and they want to see hookers and pimps and drug dealers hanging around. Not the Prudential Financial display.

–Times Square

Posted on May 14, 2015
Boys, Girls, On the Subway, Only in New York, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Times Square

…the World Trade Center?

Eastern European tourist chick, looking at Empire State Building: What is that?
New York teenage girl, in perfect seriousness: I have no idea.

–Outside Empire State Building

Overheard by: Sapodilla

Posted on May 13, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Empire State Building, Foreigners, NYC Geography, Questions, Teens, Tourism

Teens