It's Always a Good Time to Freshen Up the Sex Toy Closet

Woman: Is that a ferret?
Teenage girl holding ferret: Yup.
Woman: Cool!
Teenage girl's father: You want it?

–5th Ave & 60th St

Headline by: daniellediamond

Runners-Up:
· “”We Got Gerbils Too And… Wait… You’re Not a Cop, Are You?”” – The Drifter
· “I Have Enough Oversized Rats in My Apartment, Thanks” – pestilentia
· “It’s Extra for the Girl – But She Does Tricks” – JohnnyB
· “Naw, That’s Okay, My Possessions Already Smell Like Urine” – Rebecca Loeser
· “Steve Hasn’t Perfected His Marriage Proposal Yet” – Al Bundy
· “Strangely, Also How He Got Rid Of Her Mother” – Samantha
· “We Have to Give It Away, My Daughter Is Having “Inappropriate Fun”” – Gimmy Stuv

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on April 22, 2015
Animals & Nature, Dads, Headline Contest Winners, Offers and requests, Penis, Questions, Teens, Upper East Side, Women

Doctor, It Hurts When I Think Like This

High school girl #1: Ugh. Sorry about that. Why does everything I say sound so stupid? It's like a disease!
High school girl #2: It is a disease! I saw it on the Discovery Channel.
High school girl #1: Oh my god! Really? I should go see a doctor.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Celia

Posted on April 18, 2015
Apologies, Default, Fears, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Retardation, Students, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village

A Woman's Right to Wednesday One-Liners

Angry black woman: Why these motherfuckers always wearing "right for life" buttons, philosophizing and shit?

–Dallas BBQ, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Mike H

Student: Aborting your baby is so boring now. Everyone does it.

–Bard High School Early College

Drunk loud teenage Latina: Ladies and gentlemen, I am a minority and I have never had an abortion!

–N Train

Overheard by: g-lime

Man on cell: Oh… Oh shit… Well, can't you just take a wire hanger and pull it out? Yeah, just stick the hanger in and pull it right out! Okay? Okay. Bye.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: marge

Fabulous gay guy: So, my coworkers at Olive Garden all wanted to go out for a picnic one day. Our one friend had to work though, so we told her to tell our boss she needed to go get an abortion and she actually did it!

–Life Cafe, Avenue B & 10th St

Overheard by: Rachel W.

Posted on April 18, 2015
Abortion, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Drunks, Insults, Latinos, Lies, Lower East Side, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Philosophy, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Staten Island Ferry, Students, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women

Now’s Your Chance to Turn Her Into a Mummy

Teen girl #1: Fuck Egypt, let’s go back to your house and have those Jell-o shots.
Teen girl #2: Fine, but it’s like 2:00; my nanny has totally eaten them by now.

–The Met

Posted on April 18, 2015
Drinking & Drunk People, Global Geography, Teens, The Met

Men’s Intuition, I Suppose

Teenage boy: I just realized I have not gotten laid, thus far in life.
Girl: When’d you come up with that?

–E 18th St & Ave J

Posted on April 16, 2015
Boys, Default, Girls, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Stupidity, Teens, Virginity

Backwards Heaven Has Another Name

Teen girl #1: Ooh, you know what I’m gonna name my first baby?
Teen girl #2: What?
Teen girl #1: Nuh-vey-uh.
Teen girl #2: What is that?
Teen girl #1: It’s Heaven backwards. It’s so good because nobody ever thought of that before.

–6 train

Overheard by: Alex C

Posted on April 14, 2015
Babies, Names, On the Subway, Stupidity, Teens, Words

Isn’t There a Talking Donkey in the Hebrew Bible?

Teen boy: Is that a Jewish thing?
Man: No, it’s from Shrek.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Posted on April 11, 2015
Boys, Compare/Contrast, Default, Judaism, Men, Movies, Questions, Teens, Union Square and East Village

M4M Wednesday One-Liners

Teenager: Do you know where the Gay Pride Parade is?… I’m not gay!

–Astor Place

Guy: And so, this one gay guy in your office was wearing these pants, and his fly was open and this straight guy could see his penis, or some shit like that, right?

–9th St, Park Slope

Queer on cell: You really think she’s into gay guys?

–NYU

Guy, pointing to gay hipster: That’s like “I like it in the bum” written in hair.

–Peculier Pub, Bleecker St

Overheard by: Mad

Mom, to young son: It’s not a matter of being gay or not, darling. I just won’t let you participate in your school play.

–Broadway

Girl: Well, I couldn’t really sing the last part. We were both on our backs with our legs wide open. The only redeeming fact is that he was gay!

–Corbin Plaza, Brighton Beach

Overheard by: Anti-Traffic Girl

Flamboyant tween boy: I hate health class! You know what I’m going to do in health class today? I’m going to tell the teacher I’m gay! And that I like to suck dick!

–5th Ave, Park Slope

Posted on April 11, 2015
BJs, Clothing, Education, Fag Hags, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hair, Hipsters, Kids, Moms, Office politics, Queer guys, School and studying, Sexuality, Singing, Students, Teens, Theater & Dance, Tweens, Wednesday One-Liners

MapQuest, Take Me Away!

Teen girl, exasperated: Europe is a nation!
Teen boy: Europe is a continent!

–Queens

Posted on April 11, 2015
Global Geography, Queens, Stupidity, Teens

She Should Major in Double Entendres

Teen girl #1: Do you have your final college list yet?
Teen girl #2: It’s not exactly done.
Trannie: Seniors?
Teen girl #2: Yep!
Trannie: Either of you applying to Williams? I went there!
Teen girl #1: I was looking at it, but I’m not so sure.

–1 train

Overheard by: michal

Posted on April 10, 2015
Teens, Trannies, Yeaaahhh College!

Teens