M4M Wednesday One-Liners

Teenager: Do you know where the Gay Pride Parade is?… I’m not gay!

–Astor Place

Guy: And so, this one gay guy in your office was wearing these pants, and his fly was open and this straight guy could see his penis, or some shit like that, right?

–9th St, Park Slope

Queer on cell: You really think she’s into gay guys?

–NYU

Guy, pointing to gay hipster: That’s like “I like it in the bum” written in hair.

–Peculier Pub, Bleecker St

Overheard by: Mad

Mom, to young son: It’s not a matter of being gay or not, darling. I just won’t let you participate in your school play.

–Broadway

Girl: Well, I couldn’t really sing the last part. We were both on our backs with our legs wide open. The only redeeming fact is that he was gay!

–Corbin Plaza, Brighton Beach

Overheard by: Anti-Traffic Girl

Flamboyant tween boy: I hate health class! You know what I’m going to do in health class today? I’m going to tell the teacher I’m gay! And that I like to suck dick!

–5th Ave, Park Slope

Posted on April 11, 2015
BJs, Clothing, Education, Fag Hags, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hair, Hipsters, Kids, Moms, Office politics, Queer guys, School and studying, Sexuality, Singing, Students, Teens, Theater & Dance, Tweens, Wednesday One-Liners

MapQuest, Take Me Away!

Teen girl, exasperated: Europe is a nation!
Teen boy: Europe is a continent!

–Queens

Posted on April 11, 2015
Global Geography, Queens, Stupidity, Teens

She Should Major in Double Entendres

Teen girl #1: Do you have your final college list yet?
Teen girl #2: It’s not exactly done.
Trannie: Seniors?
Teen girl #2: Yep!
Trannie: Either of you applying to Williams? I went there!
Teen girl #1: I was looking at it, but I’m not so sure.

–1 train

Overheard by: michal

Posted on April 10, 2015
Teens, Trannies, Yeaaahhh College!

Unless It’s an Apparition Doing the Molesting, Like That Hot Scene in Ghostbusters

Girl #1: I am so wasted. I got molested by some Mexican at this sleepover party thing.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Yeah, I woke up and everyone was fighting cause he touched my boobs. I think there’s some law saying that you can’t molest someone while they’re sleeping.
Girl #2: Actually, I think there’s a law saying you can’t molest someone, period.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: if walls had ears

Posted on April 10, 2015
Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Foreplay, Girls, Harassment, Idiots, Rack, Students, Stuyvesant, Stuyvesant Town, Teens

Oh Honey, I Am My Girlfriend

Teenage Guido in Guidomobile, to friend: Hey, it looks like a sports car… But it's a Beetle!
Gay guy in bright blue Beetle: Well, your car probably goes faster, but this is a lot of fun to drive.
(pause while gears grind teenage Guido's brain)
Teenage Guido: Is that your girlfriend's car?

–4th Ave & Pacific St

Posted on April 9, 2015
Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Guidos, Queer guys, Questions, Teens

No, but Keep Talking

Mook #1: We should get some eight balls.
Mook #2: Ape balls? Like gorilla balls?

–Mulberry & Spring

Posted on April 8, 2015
Advice, Animals & Nature, Balls, Creepsters, Frat Boys, Nicknames & name calling, Soho, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Teens

How Many Licks Does It Take to Get to the Center Of a Wednesday One-Liner?

Chick on cell: It's all about the eyeball lick. Tell her.

–59th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: aenigma

NYPD cop: I would rather lick the street than ever smell your fart again.

–Forsyth St & E Houston St

Overheard by: Dave-o

Teen girl to friends: He's so gross! Seriously, I'd rather lick my cat's asshole than hook up with that guy!

–Barnes & Noble, Bayside

Guy at bar to friend: I can't believe you married a woman who won't lick your asshole.

–Ale House, MacDougal St

Random woman: Why do you always insist on licking my elbow?

–86th & 3rd

Overheard by: Jana

Posted on April 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Farting & Burping, Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Guys, Hook Ups, Licking, Lower East Side, Marriage, On Cell, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Haley Joel Osment Seems to Get Worse Roles Every Year

Teen #1: Are we there yet?
Teen #2: It's right over there.
Teen #3 (screaming): I see it! I see Atlas! It's white, I see it.
Bus driver: Yeah, and I see dead people across the street…you don't hear me screaming.

–Q29 Bus, Atlas Park Mall

Posted on April 6, 2015
Bus Drivers, Colors, Death, Directions, Malls, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Teens, Weirdness

That Would Be the Cherry on My Sundae

[Thuggish teen prances in front of taxi.]Cabbie: Are you really that poor that you need to walk and get hit by my cab for money?!
Thuggish teen, walking to taxi window: Thats what I do! Mmmhmmm [Eats ice cream slowly at car window.]

–10th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Melissa Anne

Posted on April 6, 2015
Accidents, Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Default, Money & Class, Questions, Teens, Thugs, Union Square and East Village

What with the Puffy Belly and the Begging for Food

Teenager #1: Oh my god, she is like way too skinny.
Teenager #2: Yeah.
Teenager #1: I mean, don't get me wrong, I love way too skinny, it just doesn't look good on her.
Teenager #2: Totally.

–Atlantic Avenue Station

Overheard by: Nina

Posted on April 5, 2015
Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Default, Diet/Weight, Physical appearance, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens

Teens