Older sister leading younger brother to sanctuary rail before mass: Now, you kneel down and you pray. Fold your hands like this (demonstrates) and now we pray. (begins murmuring “Our Father”)
Little brother (eyes sister anxiously, begins softly singing): A, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l…
Older sister: Are you praying?
–Jerome Ave & Morris Ave
Mom to son exiting criminal court: So, what did they say ’bout all them drugs you do?
Young son: Nothin’! They didn’t even ask, so I didn’t say anything.
Mom: Wow! I am so proud of you.
–161st, Bronx
Man #1: I don’t want roasted quail.
Man #2: It’s Ethiopian.
–Bronx Zoo
Hobo: Excuse me peoples, but can I get a dime or quarter?
College Student: Sorry, I can’t help you sir.
Hobo: Thanks a lot, whitey!
–161st Street, The Bronx
Overheard by: Peter Whalen
Conductor: Ladies in gentlemen, we would be moving, but there's a bitch-ass 5 train ahead hogging all the customers at 59th St.
–4 Express Train
Overheard by: Lexington
Conductor: Once again, there are no 2 or 3 trains from this station, so if you are looking for anything, don't get off the train, coz it's not gonna be there.
–Downtown 4 Train
Overheard by: Donz
Conductor: Okay, raise your hand if you want to leave!
–7 Train
Overheard by: will it help if I put two hands up?
Conductor: Do not get on this train. It is not taking any passengers, not even one. Do not even try, you will get kicked off.
–Fordham Rd, Bronx
Overheard by: The next train isn't for an hour and I'm already late.
Conductor: Attention, passengers… You cannot use chemical solvents on the train.
–NJ Transit
Conductor: The next stop will be Bryant Park, #2nd Street. What a gorgeous day! Why not take advantage of one of New York City's many fine outdoor eateries. Have you heard the one about the monk and the hot dog vendor? Hot dog vendor: "What's it going to be, buddy?" Monk: "Make me one with everything"! This is Bryant Park, 42nd Street. Have an enlightened day!
–F Train
College girl on cell: He told me he got in a knife fight with his dad, and I was like (sarcastic) "Yeah, okay! You got in a knife fight with your dad." (pause) But he probably did get in a knife fight with his dad…
–Columbia University
Girl to friend: Trinity is the school for kids from Choate who stabbed their roommate.
–Clover Club
Overheard by: Emily
Girl to friend: I will cut you in your face with a knife before I put my hands on you. You feel me?
–E 161st St, The Bronx
Hamptons club girl: You mean I cut him with a razor blade and I don't even recognize him?
–Outside East Village Club
Overheard by: DJ
20-something girl, on cell: Oh my god! Who the hell gets stabbed in the back of the head at a flower shop?
–Starbucks
Small boy, in genuine distress: Daaaaddy… It's dis-gust-ing in heeeere.
Father: I know. Come on, let's do our business.
Small boy: It smells like a lion pooped on the floooor! I wanna leave.
Father: Me, too.
–Men's Bathroom, Bronx Zoo
Woman #1: Be careful. There's a possum with babies in my backyard.
Woman #2, with dog: But I never walk my dog in your yard.
Woman #1: Be careful. You never know where they'll land.
–Pelham Bay Park
Overheard by: Francyne Pelchar
Female thug #1: Celebs be dying all over the place. Farrah Fawcett, now Michael Jackson.
Female thug #2: Yeah, Ed McMahon be dead too!
Female thug #1: You mean the guy who owns wrestling is dead!? Damn, I loved watching that!
–The Bronx
Overheard by: Cop on the corner
Woman #1: Ooooooooh girl, look at that Escalade!
Woman #2: You ever been in a Escalade?
Woman #1: No. But I've been in a Navigator.
–South Bronx
Overheard by: whitelawyerinthesouthbronx
