Jersey girl #1: You know, I've always wondered how New Yorkers know when you're not from here.
Jersey girl #2: I know! It's like they have a sixth sense or something.
–Times Square
Overheard by: we just know
Headline by: Botticus
Runners-Up:
· “Close Your Map, Put the Lens Cap On, and I’ll Tell You” – Mr. B
· “No, They Just Know How to Use the Other Five” – Carson B
· “Pidgins, Our Eyes in the Sky” – Nick Pollotta
· “The Secret Handshake, Busting Tourists for 150 Years!” – Double Pumper
Girl, as UPS truck passes: Would you rather call FedEx or UPS?
Guy: I don't mind, as long as my package gets to where it needs to be.
Girl: Where does your package need to go?
Guy: My package needs to go up in your sister in Virgina.
–Time Square
Tourist teen: Scientology? Is that like that crazy Darwinism stuff where they think people are monkeys?
–TKTS
Guy: Well, 20 million years ago you were a monkey too!
–NYC Lab School
Overheard by: T
Teen to friend: So once the car is full of monkey poop, then you trade it in for another one.
–Chelsea
Hobo sitting in subway station: Woman ain't want no man in her bed…she want a monkey in her bed…ooohh ooh oh ahh ahhh ahhh. (makes monkey noises)
–E Train
Overheard by: Ja9
Comedy show hawker: You will all have autism when you're done with this show. And you'll be having sex like monkeys and bunnies.
–Times Square
Overheard by: fluffyautist
Little boy watching monkey, to father: I bet he wouldn't leave his kid at a Wal-Mart.
–Bronx Zoo
Girl #1: …like that time we saw Zack and Miri make a porno.
Girl #2: That was pretty deep.
Girl #1: But not as deep as Cancun.
Girl #2: True, true.
–Times Square
Street vendor, yelling: Anyone need coach purses? Anyone need stolen shit?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Sarah and Andrew
Black guy holding purses: Yo! Who wants to buy some stolen shit? I got some nice stolen shit over here.
–Times Square
Overheard by: A Little Too Intrigued
Man selling bootleg designer bags: Anyone want some stolen shit?
–45th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Claire
Yelling man peddling counterfeit purses: Get your stolen shit! Everyone needs some stolen shit! It's stolen in New York, so it still counts as being from New York!
–Time Square
Thug holding handbags: Who want some stolen shit? I'm not gonna lie in 2009. I got Dolce & Gabanna and Louis Vuitton. Who want some stolen shit?
–Times Square
Guy: So I was talking to this hot girl the other day, but then she told me she liked Bush.
Girl: Oh…she's a lesbian?
Guy: No! Bush!
Girl: Oh, the band.
Guy: No, Bush! She's a Republican!
Girl: Wait. What?!
–Times Square
Overheard by: J.E.
Woman to another: So he had this four foot midget, and he was wearing an Obama mask.
–50th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: jellybean
Stoned hipster: I'm short, right? So, like, I feel so close to the ground right now.
–3rd Ave & 11th
Waiter sticking head out of restaurant, to short bald guy: Hey! Are you a little bit of luck?
–35th & 10th
Guy selling comedy show tickets: Yeah! It's a comedy show! Yes, we've got drunken midgets and everything. No, you can talk to me, I'm not trying to sell you drugs!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Avigdor from Jericho
Frat guy to buddies: Is that the place with the midgets under the bar that take care of you while you drink?
–H&M, Broadway-SoHo
Local friend: So how you finding New York?
Tourist friend: It's okay, I guess… Just can't really see it without the monsters, you know? Like in the movies?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Joel Moore
Young man to friend: So, about your girlfriend…I think she and I should fuck.
–Union Square West & 16th St
Street hawker selling datebooks: Wanna cheat on your husband? Plan it out! Get a daily planner, write it in red!
–Herald Square
Overheard by: MPW
Hipster teen girl to friend: Dude, don't worry about it. Whenever I want guys to cheat on their girlfriends with me I always just take off my pants and start singing Afroman.
–Mulberry St
Chick to friends: Seriously, it's a full-on dating service for married people. (pause) Like, adulterers.
–Broadway & Avenue of the Americas
Overheard by: Chuckles
Guy to another: Have you been cheating a lot? Does she know you're gay?
–6 Train
Hobo: So would all unhappily married women please step forward? I know there are some unhappily married women out there, and I'm willing to satisfy your needs. (pause) I know you're out there!
–Times Square
Overheard by: John
David Letterman recruiter: Late show with David Letterman! Free tickets to David Letterman!
New York Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain: Letterman sucks!
–Time Square
