Girl, after boy flirtatiously bites her arm: Motherfucker!
Boy: I am.
Girl: What?
Boy: I fucked a mother.
Girl: You have?
Boy: Yeah, I fucked a girl who had an abortion.
–East Village
Girl, after boy flirtatiously bites her arm: Motherfucker!
Boy: I am.
Girl: What?
Boy: I fucked a mother.
Girl: You have?
Boy: Yeah, I fucked a girl who had an abortion.
–East Village
Buff guy with tattoos: I wish I could just stop time and fuck them all!
–42nd St
Mime on cell: Who the fuck is this?
–2nd Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: Jesse D
Man pacing back and forth on cell: Yo! What the fuck is up with your fucking friend Chris? He just smiled at me and said "I'm going to fuck your wife tonight," and walked away laughing. What the fuck is that all about? (pause) What! You're working a double tonight? The fuck you are! Fuck this shit! I'm coming to get you after I get off.
–210th St & Bainbridge Ave
Overheard by: Gutterlush
Thug on cell: Lavender, potpourri… Whatever the fuck you want, they fucking got it.
–Washington Square Park
Guy on cell, angrily: Yeah, well, I never want to see you again because you're such a bitch. (pause) Whatever, fuck you! (pause) Fuck me? Fuck me? (changes tone) You wanna fuck me? (pause) Yeah, I wanna fuck you, baby… (pause) Yeah, okay, I'll be right back.
–Chelsea Market
Girl on cell: And then she said "dammit, I'm in love with a 52-year-old gay man," and I was like "well, who isn't?"
–Astoria
Overheard by: AnotherFagHag
Man on cell: So I told her, "I missed you more than I loved you," but I didn't mean it in a bad way.
–6th Ave & 17th St
Overheard by: memzilla
Black student to black girl sitting next to him: See that's why niggas don't tell bitches they love 'em!
–St. John's University
Overheard by: naha
Thug on cell: No, no. I love your whole ass as issss.
–Broadway & Beaver
Girl to group of friends: Right, I'm so incapable of love because I think sex is gross!
–LIRR
Hot 20-something to another: Either he acts like he doesn't know me, or he is a total asshole. No wonder I'm in love with him.
–Union Square
Peter Greene (Zed from Pulp Fiction): What happens in your life if you don't have your gallbladder?
–The Library, East Village
Girl on cell: My life is cursed, Cordelia!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Charlotte
Hobo carrying tall bamboo pole: What a life. Who wants to shoot me in the back?
–Strawberry Fields, Central Park
Overheard by: Publius
Girl to friend: So they, like, told me I should come up to the school for two days and, like, go to some dinner on the first night and then do campus activities the next day. But I don't know. That's, like, two days of my life.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Bystanding Citizen
Little girl to mom: It's okay, mom. I'll just go on and have a good life and never learn how to whistle.
–80th St & Amsterdam Ave
Teenage boy in suit to others: Apparently I look a lot like Lady Gaga.
–42nd St
Overheard by: model UN delegate
Elderly man to elderly woman: Gaga… What's a gaga? He went to see Lady Gaga! Gaga… Gaga? Gaga? (goes on for some minutes)
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: Jill
Girl to friends, all singing Lady Gaga: I just want to take her face and put it in my vagina. That's how obsessed I am with Lady Gaga.
–7th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Stephanie
Girl: Lady Gaga is not going to sit on your face.
–12th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Cass
Girl: I mean, they treat you so well…
Guy: Yeah, it's not like they're raping you.
–1st Ave & 9th St
Overheard by: Erin
Little boy to sister: What's the perimeter of a rectangle?
Sister: Big foot!!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Older black man to younger black man: Yeah, cause you don't need to say you're from the Jers to pick up chicks, they ain't like that here, son. I mean, if she's mad hot then you can clue her in that you're from Jersey, but only if you think she can appreciate your flow…
–Lafayette & St. James
Frat boy crossing street: Butthole in New Jersey.
–Flatbush Ave & 7th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Hunter
Stoned-looking teen to friend: Are you from New Jersey? Maybe you told me, but I can just, like, sense it…
–Union Square
Overheard by: wgoddessw
Guy to friend: Yeah, man, I was watching that show Jersey Shore the other night… Makes me glad I live on Long Island.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Fistpump like a champ
Stressed film major: You are going to give me that fucking power chord. Then I'm going to punch you in the vag. Then you're coming to New Jersey with me.
–Tisch School of the Arts
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Girl on cell: I don't need anything else. I've got 20 dollars, my phone, and a condom.
–11th & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Alex
Flamboyant boy on cell: Wait, where are you? What are you doing? Please tell me you'll wear a condom. (pause, then boy's face grows increasingly horrified) Several condoms.
–Dining Hall, NYU
Street vendor next to hot dog vendor: Get your Obama condoms! They go great with a pretzel!
–Times Square
Overheard by: not another tourist
15-year-old girl: Damn, nigga, I hope you flushed the condom, cuz they be using turkey basters for other shit now. They be taking the condom from the trash can and suck up the cum and put it in theyselves. I know, cuz I messed with a few niggaz who be telling me and I learn in sex ed!
–74 Bus, Staten Island
Drunken blonde: Are you okay?
Drunken brunette: I got locked in the bathroom!
Drunken blonde: You are so great. Can you be my assistant in life?
Drunken brunette: Let's get something to eat. Make sure I get home okay.
(blonde puts arm around brunette)
Drunken brunette: Whosa this?
Drunken blonde: Me!
Drunken brunette: I'm sleeping.
–17th & 5th
Overheard by: Must have been a good night?
