Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-liners Make the Cut

Woman: This block has the best garbage!

–2nd Avenue & 8th Street

Girl on cell: We’ve already got plans again for this weekend. I’m really excited about this guy; he’s great. He’s really driven, really ready to succeed. He’s a doctor…No, not in real life, on TV.

–57th & Lexington

Overheard by: Heather

White guy: That wasn’t the best day of my life, though. The best day was the day after my birthday when I recoverd my hard drive.

–Astoria party

Overheard by: Noah Starr

Man on cell: I like them shoes with the ruffle. The ones you wore to the Olive Garden that one time.

–Broadway & Prince

Girl: In theory…I was going to end that sentence with, “the dolphins will be OK.”

–7 train

Overheard by: Amado Angel

Lady: Well, he’s an ex-junkie, an alcoholic, mean-tempered, a practicing bisexual, and he has hepatitus C. But he’s a wonderful man and, as guys like that go, he does have great taste in jewelry.

–Midtown office

The Waitress Served Her, and Then Served Her Food

Waitress: Do you want the pierogies boiled or fried?
Lady: What’s the difference?
Waitress: One’s boiled, one’s fried.

–Veselka, 2nd Avenue & 9th Street

Man Oh Man, I Hope This Doesn’t Jinx Ours…

Russian woman: She’s doing very well. Her book is doing well. She’s already sold a lot of books.
American woman: That’s great! That must be so exciting!
Russian woman: Yes, she has already sold ten or twenty, I think.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Diana

The Burning Sensation She Already Had in Stock

Girl #1: Ugh! He gave me the biggest hickey on one of my tits! Gross!
Girl #2: Well, at least it was a hickey and not a burning sensation when you pee!

–Union Square

Wednesday One-liners Go to the Park

Drunk hobo: Excuse me, sir, do you have Michael Jackson’s phone number?

–Central Park

Overheard by: alec

Girl on cell: Like, how many miles are in a square mile?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Glynnis

Guy on cell: No. You don’t understand. These girls are hungry. Tofu is not going to fucking do it.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Hambone Bootblack

Jogger lady: Oh, great, it’s raining. Thanks a lot, God.

–Central Park

Overheard by: mj

Man: That guy’s got a chicken. He’s gonna burn it! Hey man, don’t hurt the animals! He’s gonna burn the chicken!

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: Alex Romanovich

Crazy in the Head, Crazy in the Bed

Asian guy: She’s crazy. She’s obsessed with death!
Pudgy White guy: But she’s hot.
Black guy: So what?
Pudgy White guy: Yeah, she’s crazy…but she’s hot. They kind of balance each other out, you know?

–F train

Overheard by: emdashes

Boyfriend: What about kitty?
Girlfriend: Oh, I could eat kitty. No really, I could make a great stir-fry with the cat.
Boyfriend: You would eat my cat?
Girlfriend: Ah, that would be a great way to get at you: eat your cat.

–St. Mark’s Place

She’s Going to Pound Down Some Buds

Girl #1: I can’t wait for the summertime so I can hang out outside in biergartens.
Girl #2: Yeah, I’m going to go to the botanical garden.

–Coffee Shop, Union Square

There’s a Reason It’s Called Wrong Island

Guy #1: You know, like the velvet tracksuits that everyone’s dads wore when we were growing up.
Guy #2: We didn’t all grow up on Long Island.

–6th & A

Overheard by: Phenders

Nor Should We Have Made Her Senator

Man #1: Man, I really hate that bitch.
Man #2: Well, you shouldn’t have married her then.

–Union Square

We Interrupt Wednesday One-liners with this Breaking Idiocy

Chick: So I was at the gym on the bikes and I was watching CNN and on the scroll at the bottom it said that a 91 year old guy was named “Deep Throat”! And I was all, that is totally a porno name!
Guy: Uh…

–13th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alexis Gratt

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